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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dogs are as much work as children

120 replies

HauteGirlSummer · 05/07/2021 15:58

We have DC2 on the way and DS is 4.
My son and DH are very pro adding a dog to our family unit. But I'm firmly against it as I just know the majority of the work will fall on me longterm.

My argument to DH was dogs can be as much hard work as children but he thinks definitely not.
He says for example you don't need to arrange a minder for dog and they don't affect a 9-5 work schedule like kids do.
I've never had a dog myself but pretty sure this isn't true? Do people leave their dogs at home all day if they have a 9-5 job or do they have to make arrangements?
Dog-owners please help me out!

I love dogs but I know there's a lot of changes and commitment that comes with being a dog owner.
With a new DC on the way, I don't think I'll have time for a dog tbh. Even when DC will be older. I just don't have the energy for 3 'kids' (counting the dog). DH says I can't count the dog as they're way less work than kids.

AIBU to think dogs require as much work as children?

OP posts:
HelenHywater · 05/07/2021 16:59

More so I think. I waited until my youngest child was 7 before getting a dog - I really couldn't have managed with a toddler and a puppy at the same time.

HappyCamperT5 · 05/07/2021 17:04

@Mydogmylife I can see by your user name why you'd be upset by my decisions but it would have been crueller to keep him. We went into very naively, I hold my hands up to that. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard and it was extremely hard with 2 small children in a lockdown on my own for the majority of the time... and I had to put my children 1st. He went to a lovely retired man not far from us who has all the time to give the pup the life he deserves. I obviously feel very guilty having to rehome him but I felt worse keeping him the way we did. X

Tiw8 · 05/07/2021 17:09

9-5 is a big no from me. I pay a minder to watch mine.

I wouldn’t recommend a puppy and a baby either.

Why not wait a few years. I think when it comes to dogs the no vote in the family overrides the yes votes.

SirenSays · 05/07/2021 17:21

I wouldn't leave a dog alone from 9-5 every day. Also with kids you have the beauty of being able to take them to most places with you. So imagine after work one day you've got to go and do a food shop, pick up something from the chemist, go to the post office... The time the dog is actually alone can add up quickly. Excluding dog friendly pubs or restaurants, there aren't a whole lot of places you can actually take your pet.

hookiewookie29 · 05/07/2021 17:24

We got a puppy in January. But only because my daughter is 17 and my husband is at home as he can't work. I'm a childminder and there is no way on this earth I would have had one without them being here. They are just as much work as a child- toilet training, non sleeping, chewing toys- as well as other stuff, nipping, barking, exercise.....you just sit down to eat and he wants to go out....or he wants to play....or wants attention. Its a huge commitment and if its all going to fall on your shoulders then that us completely unfair, and you will start to begrudge having the dog. Honestly, your 4 year old will soon tire of a puppy who constantly nipping, and I wouldn't have one with a new baby! And there's no point in getting one if you're out of the house for 9 hours.

MoiraRose4 · 05/07/2021 17:28

It would be madness to get a dog at this stage of your lives. I’ve always had dogs and desperately wanted one when my children were younger, but recognised it wasn’t the responsible choice. I waited until mine were 7/9 before we got a puppy, and it was still hard. We used doggy daycare and retired grandparents to help out when I was at work, I would never leave a puppy for a full day. Even now mine is 5, it’s really rare he’s left alone for a full day without someone visiting.

As much as I love him and wouldn’t be without him, he’s a pain in the arse and a huge tie. If I want to go out for the day and he can’t come, I have to find someone to pop in. If I want to go on holiday, I have to make arrangements, and he’s not an easy dog, he doesn’t like other people. I feel bad having an early night if I’ve been out as he needs company. The list goes on and on. Don’t do it. Not yet.

MyCreateIsUsernamed · 05/07/2021 17:28

It's not the same as having a child but I think you'd be crackers to take on a dog when you've got a newborn. Why make things harder than they need to be?

VeganVeal · 05/07/2021 17:30

I have kids and a dog
They are noisy, smelly and shit a lot, tbh the dog is just as bad

Tumbleweed101 · 05/07/2021 17:31

Not as much work as a child but hard work all the same. I say that my 2yo dog is just like a toddler at times when he is making a mess, being defiant or noisy and silly. I love him and wouldn't be without him but he can be hard work but I don't mind because my children are much older now. Our elderly dog I really struggled with when we first had her (my ex wanted her) as I had a toddler and baby and two primary age children. Even now my perception of her is that she is hard work - my ex left her when he left the rest of us!- even though she is easier than my young dog (who I wanted and chose because I was ready for the work of having him).

Peace43 · 05/07/2021 17:40

Puppy was definitely as demanding as a small child. Now I have a 10 year old DD and a 3 year old really easy dog. BUT I’m home all day, dog gets walked twice per day (I have a dog Walker who supports that). I don’t leave dog longer than 4 hours without a dog Walker coming in. Dog was poorly overnight on Saturday so I was up between 1am and 5am with him. Holidays are tough as DD wants a day at the theme park but dog can’t be left in holiday accommodation on his own, isn’t allowed in everywhere, can’t stand a day outside in the heat etc… We work round it and DD loves dog and is accustomed to us taking his needs into account.

I love my dog but he makes our lives harder, undoubtedly!

RedHelenB · 05/07/2021 17:42

Dogs are not as hard work as children but I wouldn't get one niw if you're about to have a new baby. My dog gets left alone while I work and is fine. Dog walking is a relatively new concept, dogs were home alone all the time when I was a kid ,it was the norm.

MyCreateIsUsernamed · 05/07/2021 17:53

I think previously people only had dogs if they were set up for them though. Eg a nice big secure garden where they could run around, a household with at least one adult around for some time during the day. Now people are getting dogs in different situations where they're not really set up for them so they compensate by arranging care and walkers. Although dogs were walked in Ye Olden Days as well.

HandsSpaceArse · 05/07/2021 17:55

Not as much work, but can you really imagine going for a long walk with a toddler refusing the buggy, in the rain, or a child and baby in a sling?

Planty13 · 05/07/2021 17:56

We recently got a puppy and they’re no where near as much work as a baby/toddler. We naturally do a lot of training though and don’t see that as work as we enjoy it.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 05/07/2021 18:01

I think pets are much harder work and more restrictive than kids- that's why I'd never get one !
I found ds hard work as a toddler but said to myself " at least one day he'll grow up and make me a cup of tea "!
Children are welcome in many more places than dogs ( restaurants, holidays , museums, shops ) and I have friends with dogs and they very much need to make sure someone is home with him and can only leave him for very short periods.
Doggy day care / kennels are expensive....at least with kids they get to a point you don't need to fork out for it any more .

VimFuego101 · 05/07/2021 18:06

It's not quite as hard as a baby but it's definitely up there. Our 5mo puppy has just about broken me, I'm doing all the work and trying to juggle an actual job while DH is away. He still only sleeps 11-4 or 11-5 and so I'm shattered while also trying to find the energy to play with him enough to tire him out. He doesn't like being left alone at all so it will be a very gradual process to get him used to even being alone for an hour or so. At a minimum I think k you'd need to consider a dog walker to break the day up, if not doggy day care.

DS is 9 - I thought he'd be old enough to behave around the dog but needs to be constantly reminded not to poke him while he's sleeping, move his stuff so it doesn't get chewed, and to stay calm while the dog jumps all over him to discourage jumping up/ crazy excitement. He is finding it very tough and he really wanted to get a dog. I knew it would be hard work dealing with a puppy but it's definitely not something to do unless everyone in the house (especially the person who will be dealing with it the majority of the time) is on board.

ScaredNotAnxious · 05/07/2021 18:23

We got our dog a week before I found out I was pregnant with DS (we weren't TTC), we got our second dog when DS was 10mo. Dogs and babies are difficult in different ways. The lifestyle change and disruption and finances are far, far, far greater having a child than having a dog.
A dog absolutely can be left at home all day every day, as long as they have access to the outside. Dogs like routine, they don't need constant company as long as their getting enough exercise and stimulation - saying a dog needs a person around all the time is something people say to convince themselves that they're superior and pretend they aren't giving their dog separation anxiety (they are).
You need to carefully consider the breed you're getting - which things are important to you and look into the dog's breeding, visit it and its parents and try to get a feel for the environment it was raised in.
Do you currently walk every day? Do you have a sufficient garden? Are there things low down that could be stolen or chewed? What kind of flooring does your house have? Is there space for a dog to have its bed and personal space (very important)?
The things that we found were the hardest work with dogs were:

  • going away overnight (much easier with a child than a dog because many places, including friends/family, can't accommodate dogs)
  • dogs stealing/chewing/destroying things - it didn't happen much after the start because you get very good at knowing what's in their reach but whilst babies don't move to start with, puppies can cause chaos immediately
  • making time to go for a walk and find good, dog-friendly places to walk (especially with a pram)
  • the mud - we got spaniels and they get very muddy.
These issues could all be easily addressed with the right breed and set-up though - not all dogs need a daily walk and some are harmed by over-walking, smaller breeds can't reach work surfaces or are easier to retrieve items from, some are easier/harder to train. People thought we were insane not returning our puppy when we found out we were pregnant - they also thought we were insane getting a second puppy but, truthfully, it's not been that hard at all - it's all about doing the right research for your life. If you choose the right dog then they pretty much just slot in.
HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst · 05/07/2021 18:29

Don't do this unless YOU want the dog.
We got a puppy only a couple of months before I found out I was pregnant, so we ended up doing the young dog/baby thing. As it happened, it REALLY suited us, and I wouldn't change it, but that was very particular to our circumstances.

But to answer your actual question - no, imo dogs are not nearly as much "work" as children, not by a mile. But then, it also depends on the dog, the child and - most importantly - you.

MotionActivatedDog · 05/07/2021 18:30

YANBU

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/07/2021 18:51

It's different work to children...

Done right, yes its as tying and as much work as a newborn in many respects - and there are even fewer places you are welcome to take your puppy, and far less tolerance of 'I can't because puppy' vs 'i can't because baby'..

They are toilet trained in around 6 to 9 months, vs babies 2-4 years..

But ultimately, done right (and most people do not), a puppy needs access to their primary care giver most of the time for the first year, and a lot of the time for the next, and then you get a bit more space with an adult dog who can behave...be left.. be trusted etc.

If you do not absolutely WANT to do this. Don't do it.

Darbs76 · 05/07/2021 18:53

Babies and children not a great mix, I waited until mine were older but it was me who wanted to get a dog most so I don’t mind the hard work. No I don’t leave him all day when at work, I pay £12.50 a day for a walk. They can be almost as much work and don’t grow up so it doesn’t change!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/07/2021 18:54

I wouldn’t say they are as much work as children - they would have emotional traumas at school or anything for one thing!

But they are a huge commitment and shouldn’t be left 9-5

Coulddowithanap · 05/07/2021 18:58

It hugely depends on the dog. Our old one you could leave all day and he was still in the same position fast asleep when we got home. Couldn't do that with our new dog, she's currently 2 and I wouldn't leave her for more than a 4 hours (DH works from home now so it's perfect).

BeeDavis · 05/07/2021 19:17

Your husband does not have a clue what he’s talking about. As a dog mother and expectant mother, I’m actually anticipating that looking after my baby will be easier than when we got our dog 4 years ago 😂

Tossblanket · 05/07/2021 19:18

Nowhere near as much work as kids.

Unless you're a shite owner that ends up with a nightmare dog.

Probably the same concept as a shite parent.