To think dogs are as much work as children

[HauteGirlSummer]

We have DC2 on the way and DS is 4.
My son and DH are very pro adding a dog to our family unit. But I'm firmly against it as I just know the majority of the work will fall on me longterm.

My argument to DH was dogs can be as much hard work as children but he thinks definitely not.
He says for example you don't need to arrange a minder for dog and they don't affect a 9-5 work schedule like kids do.
I've never had a dog myself but pretty sure this isn't true? Do people leave their dogs at home all day if they have a 9-5 job or do they have to make arrangements?
Dog-owners please help me out!

I love dogs but I know there's a lot of changes and commitment that comes with being a dog owner.
With a new DC on the way, I don't think I'll have time for a dog tbh. Even when DC will be older. I just don't have the energy for 3 'kids' (counting the dog). DH says I can't count the dog as they're way less work than kids.

AIBU to think dogs require as much work as children?

A dog requires so much time. I lose several hours a day to walks and they are social and want to spend time with you. I think you’d be mad tbh. Even a lovely dog is hard work and with a newborn it could be awful.

Not in a million years would I entertain it with a new baby.

Great excuse for your husband to avoid parenting as he "volunteers" to take the dog out.

Not a chance.
Knock that on the head with a resounding thump.😁

@justmetoday

It really depends. I have 2 dogs. They are both 16 years old and other than their daily walk they just sleep all day. They dont even notice when we are out all day. We have had long weekends away where my mum went to feed them and walk them once and they were perfectly fine. Its only the last 2 years or so that they have been like this though. It was a lot of work when they were younger. But back then i didnt hve kids, so it was ok. I wouldnt want a puppy with young kids. It is a lot of work!

Yes, my parents have a 15 year old dog. He only needs 2 short walks a day and just naps for the rest of the time! He is fine on his own for a few hours. A younger more active dog might not be.

Our much-wanted Mini Schnauzer puppy arrived just over a week ago at 12 weeks, so quite old for Instagram (!) and it’s been bloody hard work, most of which I’m taking on. I’m definitely a dog person (3 others in the past) and have given up my summer to training him and hopefully turning him into a non-disruptive member of the family.

Knowing that this dog has to fit in with our lifestyle (apartment, no garden, regular time alone) means that the rules have been strict from day 1. No barking, limited to the kitchen for now, never to be allowed on beds or beg from the table. His bed is in the crate (open) so he gets used to having his own private space.
He also has to be taken out 15 minutes after every meal, rain or shine, so that he prefers doing his business outside rather than on the puppy pads (which he does in emergencies).

He’s adorable, very responsive and eager to please. He’s getting lots of love, praise, cuddles and treats. He’s already 90% there in the space of a week, probably also because he’s a bit more mature. But we are pushing him towards being “old before his time”.

So, what I’m trying to say is you need to know what you want from your adult dog before the puppy arrives so you can encourage it in the right direction and stop any bad habits before they start. At your DCs’ age all children want is a glorified cuddly toy and don’t realize that puppies pee, shit, bite, howl, jump up, destroy possessions and need their own space to chill out. Our DD is 15 and was a bit miffed she couldn’t bring him to bed and let him loose in her room with its old brittle parquet (imagine the pee damage!).

Young puppies need one person as a reference point, not four. As you say, that will probably be you.
OP, do you LOVE dogs and are you willing to increase your responsibilities (food, exercise, grooming, baths, vets) and lose your lie-ins on a Sunday for the next 12 years? That’s the level of commitment.
At least human children grow up!

Oh, and choose the breed carefully to fit your lifestyle.

@GetTaeFuck

Your DH is fucking clueless if he thinks a dog can be left alone 9-5 Mon-Fri.

I knew that didn't sound right at all. They'd tear the house to shreds and get bored pretty quickly. I'm sure most dog owners don't do this but not sure what the typical arrangement is.

Our rescue dog is less work than DD13. But not zero work so OP is right to be concerned.

I grew up with and love dogs but I didn’t get one of my own until I stopped work and my children were over 11 because I would not entirely trust any dog with young children and I certainly don’t think it fair to leave one at home all day. It’s not that it is harder work than children, it is meeting the different needs of your children and the dog.

I just know the majority of the work will fall on me longterm.
Yes, it will.

You definitely cannot leave a dog all day. The most would be 4 hours, as they'd need feeding and letting out for a wee. They'll get bored being left for that long alone and start destroying your house. This happened to a work college who realised that popping home at lunch times wasn't enough stimulation for her dog, as the dog ate the bittom half of her plastered walls.

not sure what the typical arrangement is.

With our first dog the arrangement was that he went everywhere with the bloke. He went to work with him and lay under the desk, he lived in his Monday to Friday room with him and they both came home at weekends. If he hadn’t worked in a very dog friendly environment, we wouldn’t have had him.

Without going into comparisons of whether a dog is actually as much work as a child (which isn’t the point of your thread), you are right that they are a ton of work, very time consuming, shouldn’t be left alone 9-5, not very compatible with babies (due to the amount of work) and very tying.

I agree with a previous poster who said children are more portable - very few places don’t welcome children but lots of places don’t welcome dogs, and then you have to think about what to do with the dog - can they stay at home? Only if it’s for less than 4 hours, your dog is happy by itself, and they’ve had a good walk beforehand. Can they wait in the car? Only if it’s for a short time, they’re happy in the car and it’s less than 10 degrees outside. Can someone else look after them? Only if you have someone else who can, and your dog is happy with that person.

Another thing I would say is that in my experience the woman in a family often gets landed with a lot of the dog work when other members of the family get bored/can’t be arsed. I certainly did and I know other people it’s happened to.

Sorry to be such a naysayer but I really wouldn’t advise it. I got bullied into getting a puppy with a young child against my better instincts and to be honest I really regret it and wish I’d had more of a backbone.

@Beautiful3

You definitely cannot leave a dog all day. The most would be 4 hours, as they'd need feeding and letting out for a wee. They'll get bored being left for that long alone and start destroying your house. This happened to a work college who realised that popping home at lunch times wasn't enough stimulation for her dog, as the dog ate the bittom half of her plastered walls.

Are you talking about puppies or all dogs? Coz ours can definitely go for more than 4 hours without food and a pee.. And doing any damage.

@CoalTit

I just know the majority of the work will fall on me longterm. Yes, it will.

Absolutely. Knowing DH it will definitely fall on me. Even though he seems enthusiastic now 😒🙄

We got a hamster instead. Alot easier X

It would be awful timing to get a dog now with a new baby on the horizon. Puppies are just as hard work as new babies, then they reach their teenage phase from around 5 or 6 months and are generally idiots for the next 6 - 12 months, depending on breed/size.

It would be very, very cruel to leave a dog alone whilst you are out at work for 8 hours a day. Dogs need companionship, mental stimulation and exercise. If they don't get that then they are likely to wreck your home and be very unhappy.

Your partner is giving no thought to the needs of a dog, just thinking about his own selfish wants.

I think its cruel to leave an adult dog alone all day but they aren't hard work all day, they just need company. My dog needs a couple of walks then sleeps most of the day only waking up to scrounge a piece of cheese if I go near the fridge and bark at the postman.

@Sgtmajormummy

Our much-wanted Mini Schnauzer puppy arrived just over a week ago at 12 weeks, so quite old for Instagram (!) and it’s been bloody hard work, most of which I’m taking on. I’m definitely a dog person (3 others in the past) and have given up my summer to training him and hopefully turning him into a non-disruptive member of the family.

Knowing that this dog has to fit in with our lifestyle (apartment, no garden, regular time alone) means that the rules have been strict from day 1. No barking, limited to the kitchen for now, never to be allowed on beds or beg from the table. His bed is in the crate (open) so he gets used to having his own private space.
He also has to be taken out 15 minutes after every meal, rain or shine, so that he prefers doing his business outside rather than on the puppy pads (which he does in emergencies).

He’s adorable, very responsive and eager to please. He’s getting lots of love, praise, cuddles and treats. He’s already 90% there in the space of a week, probably also because he’s a bit more mature. But we are pushing him towards being “old before his time”.

So, what I’m trying to say is you need to know what you want from your adult dog before the puppy arrives so you can encourage it in the right direction and stop any bad habits before they start. At your DCs’ age all children want is a glorified cuddly toy and don’t realize that puppies pee, shit, bite, howl, jump up, destroy possessions and need their own space to chill out. Our DD is 15 and was a bit miffed she couldn’t bring him to bed and let him loose in her room with its old brittle parquet (imagine the pee damage!).

Young puppies need one person as a reference point, not four. As you say, that will probably be you.
OP, do you LOVE dogs and are you willing to increase your responsibilities (food, exercise, grooming, baths, vets) and lose your lie-ins on a Sunday for the next 12 years? That’s the level of commitment.
At least human children grow up!

Oh, and choose the breed carefully to fit your lifestyle.

Awww your pup is absolutely adorable and gorgeous! You are very right in saying most kids just want a glorified cuddly toy and don't understand the amount of work that comes with it. Thanks for the great advise. I definitely hadn't thought about training them in that way. Thanks 😊

@Teacupsandtoast

They are harder than babies - you can't put a nappy on them, put them in a sling or give them milk to appease them. Definitely need your youngest to be at least potty trained and safe to leave for 5 mins while you run in and out of the garden to toilet train your pup every 20 minutes (yes, if you dont want accidents in the house, it can be that often in the first week). They can only be left for an hour or two until they are 6 months, then 3-4 at 6 months without needing a toilet break to an absolute max of 4.5/5 hours - any longer isn't fair on them. It is a HUGE commitment and if your dh works, the dog work will fall to you....so wait. My kids were 5 and 3 when we got our first puppy and that was just about doable. We have 2 dogs now (in the space of 3 years)....they are worth the work!

Urghhh one thing that really puts me off is picking up poo constantly 😭😭 But I guess that's something dog owners get used to with time.

more

children eventually become independent.
dogs don't
they are babies forever

@HappyCamperT5

They are very hard work. Especially when you have small children. Are you planning on getting a puppy. Sadly we made this mistake. Our kids were 3 and 4 when we decided to get a puppy.. just before lockdown hit. We had him nearly a year and we had to rehome him. I know that I sound awful but I couldn't cope with the poo and wee all over the house with 2 little being stuck at home aswell.. even when he was toilet trained he then went on to chewing the kids toys to shreds and our shoes.. maybe it was bad timing due to lockdown but it was definitely too stressful for me with 2 little kids and the poor pup ended up being shut in the kitchen far too often. So it was in his best interest to he rehomed. It's not a decision to make lightly ( we realise now) and it was my dp that encouraged the idea to get one but it was me stuck at home dealing with 2kids and a crazy puppy while he was at work

Sorry, I agree that you do sound pretty awful actually

Stick insects are even easier than hamsters!

You don't introduce livestock to a household unless all the adults agree. You don't agree, for now at least, so plans for a dog go in hold, until either you like the idea (if ever) or he becomes reliable enough that you can trust him on this one

Dogs make a different kind of work from babies, it's true, but it's too late to decide whether to have a dog or a baby, isn't it?

You know it's all extra work and you know you'll be doing the heavy lifting. Why not tell DH you'll thought it over and decided to put the decision off until the baby is walking, when you'll discuss it with him again and find a different reason not to get a dog?

Unless you're 100% sold on the idea and eager to get started, it's a non-starter.

You've enough on your plate right now.

@MissChanandlerBong90

Without going into comparisons of whether a dog is actually as much work as a child (which isn’t the point of your thread), you are right that they are a ton of work, very time consuming, shouldn’t be left alone 9-5, not very compatible with babies (due to the amount of work) and very tying.

I agree with a previous poster who said children are more portable - very few places don’t welcome children but lots of places don’t welcome dogs, and then you have to think about what to do with the dog - can they stay at home? Only if it’s for less than 4 hours, your dog is happy by itself, and they’ve had a good walk beforehand. Can they wait in the car? Only if it’s for a short time, they’re happy in the car and it’s less than 10 degrees outside. Can someone else look after them? Only if you have someone else who can, and your dog is happy with that person.

Another thing I would say is that in my experience the woman in a family often gets landed with a lot of the dog work when other members of the family get bored/can’t be arsed. I certainly did and I know other people it’s happened to.

Sorry to be such a naysayer but I really wouldn’t advise it. I got bullied into getting a puppy with a young child against my better instincts and to be honest I really regret it and wish I’d had more of a backbone.

Exactly this. DH didn't take into account we'd have to start seeking out dog-friendly places and restaurants for family outings etc. With older DCs this wouldn't be too bad, but with toddlers it's all a bit too hectic for me.

Not only do you have the potential to piss your neighbours off with a dog whining/crying/barking for hours on end, it’s fucking cruel to leave them for that long.

My Grandparents worked opposite shifts for 15 years so their dog was never left alone for more than 1-2 hours.

Do NOT let your husband railroad you into this.

I have 4 dogs and 1 child. It works because I absolutely adore my dogs, worship the ground they walk on and ALL the dogs were here before my child (now 6).

That being said, it's still relentless. They need factoring into pretty much everything. They need 2 walks a day, 365 days a year in all types of shitty weather. How will you manage this with a young child and a baby when you're clearly not a dog person?! I mean no offence, but if you're dead set against it, I can guarantee you will resent the dog (and your husband) massively.

Tell your husband you will discuss this again in 10 yrs time.