Is it just me or are most people just horrible?

[TodayYearsOld]

This opinion is definitely based on personal experiences and I think I've just been pretty unlucky with life and family in general. Having just been triggered by an old cartoon from my childhood, does anyone else find most people they come across really not nice or just selfish/rude?

I think my whole life, there's only been 3 people that have been genuinely nice to me. My parents were vile and abusive, all siblings and relatives the same to the point I no longer have contact with anyone of them. Every single teacher throughout school (except 1) would be nasty to me. I even had one teacher mock my tatty clothing in front of the entire class. I was poor and it was the only clothes I had!

I've been used and treated like a second thought in every friendship I've ever had. I no longer make the effort to keep or make any new friends as a result.

Every job I've ever had has been a pretty toxic environment with bully management and spiteful, immature colleagues. My current job isn't too bad but the same bitchy playground attitudes still exist between staff.

I've been taken advantage of in pretty much every relationship I've had. This is probably mostly my own fault as I've been pretty vulnerable due to never being taught self respect and what a healthy relationship should look like. I've also been sexually assaulted while in a relationship more than once and raped.

Is it me? Do I attract these horrible people? Does anyone else feel like this with other people? All things considered I'd say I've done pretty well for myself as a lone wolf and I'm fairly confident and happy in life now so I guess that's all that matters really. Do nice caring people actually exist in the world or will this be my fate for the rest of my life?

I do believe that once we've experienced abuse we're vulnerable and other abusive or damaged/damaging people can sense it so we attract more abuse.

You note that you recognise this in yourself
Have you had therapy?

I think you have been spectacularly unlucky in the people who surrounded you. Your family sound hideous, and I am very sorry about your school experiences. No child should ever be treated like that.

However, my experience is very different. I find that most people are basically decent. I've met horrible people, of course, but they are very much the minority. There's always the odd childish or weird person in every work team, but I've always been able to work round them.

In my view, early childhood experiences have a huge impact on how your life pans out,and how you expect others to treat you. Neglected and abused children often grow up to be vulnerable and abused adults.

I'm glad you have found a place in your life where you feel good and safe, and have some friends.

Today shit girl!
I want to make you my friend so that I can show you what friendship SHOULD be like, how decent, nice, kind people treat other people.

You’ve had it bad. Sounds like you have been surrounded by cunts.
If you were in my friendship group sweetie, you would be protected, loved and looked after, honesty you would.

In all honesty I think you see what you want to see. Because of your background you see everything in a negative light.

It's just not at all likely, in fact practically impossible, that every teacher you ever had was a horrible person, and that every job you've ever had, everyone single one of them was horrible, and everyone you've ever met is horrible. People are on the whole, perfectly nice, and friendly. You are probably drawn to bad people in relationships, but its just not likely to be the case that eveyrone you've ever met is a terrible person. It's how you see them, but that doesn't mean that's how they are.

My experience is the opposite.

I flip flop between thinking people are basically just decent and then being a total misanthrope. Had an encounter today with some utterly scummy tossbag and it's reaffirmed my dislike of people. I have a nice family apart from one or two I avoid, but I have similar friendship experiences as the OP. I'm trying to make that better, because I know I've become so jaded I just assume people don't like me and will be horrible.

Op I could have written your post! I grew up in an emotionally abusive household, I was bullied all throughout school (including teachers), been in relationships with some horrible people, worked in toxic environments with vile people and have some very selfish, unsupportive ‘friends’. Luckily I have a lovely partner who has restored my faith in humanity slightly but he’s one of about 3 or 4 people who I actually trust. I don’t have any advice for you but I know the feeling too well so you’re not alone.

I agree with you. Have experienced the same to the point I have withdrawn from pretty much all people now.

I am grateful to be able to say that this is not my experience.
I’ve come across some mean teenagers and stupid adults in my life but overall my relationships are positive and supportive.
There are lots of good people around.
There are obviously some complete shits also!
I agree with the poster above that sometimes childhood trauma and poor relationships as a child can lead people to continue to make poor choices when they look for new relationships.
The people in your life have really let you down and you absolutely deserve better.
I do wonder if, until you learn what that looks like, you are going to be continuously drawn to the wrong people.
I hope this doesn’t read like I’m saying it’s somehow your fault, I don’t mean it to. It’s not your fault.

people are awful. I've had the teachers and students mocking my appearance and clothes when my parents wouldn't replace them.

There are very very very few people who wouldn't kick you in the face if they thought they could get away with it. Nice people are generally after something.

You are not alone. This is my experience too. People are horrible to me and have been all my life.

'The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones.'

Sadly I think as adults we are more affected by bad experiences than good ones. Can you not find any positive experience or person to think about?

Have a read of this @TodayYearsOld, I think it might resonate.

www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

Having shit parents means you missed out on building self-esteem and self-worth - they either weren't capable of helping you do that, or it plain suited them that you didn't have any.

Note that the Shark Cage metaphor makes it explicit that you do not ATTRACT sharks - they're trying it on with everyone they meet, they're completely indiscriminate. However, people with good 'shark cages' are able to REPEL these people. You, without a good shark cage, do not have the tools that will enable you to do that. But it doesn't have to stay that way. Have a read and a ponder.

I believe most people are good but i lack confidence and sometimes that lack of confidence repulses narcissists who want me out of the group.

So everywhere i go, there is just always one 🙄

@3scape

people are awful. I've had the teachers and students mocking my appearance and clothes when my parents wouldn't replace them. There are very very very few people who wouldn't kick you in the face if they thought they could get away with it. Nice people are generally after something.

Not my experience nor that of anyone I know.

And before you all assume I've had a trouble free charmed life - no. People are a mixed bag IME.

I’ve had the same.

40 years of the shit and now I’ve had enough. Over the past two years I’ve totally withdrawn from other people outside my dh and kids.

I had teachers mocking me too.

No, I havent found this at all. IME most people are nice.

I found something strange.
When I feel strong and I have strong boundaries, people behave.
When my self esteem is low and my boundaries are weak, people seem only too happy to walk alll over me.

I don’t feel I behave in a different way. They just don’t try it out as if I was sending clear vibes - don’t mess up with me.
True with work, partner etc…

I think a person's early experiences colour the rest of their life. Like a pp said if you had abusive or neglectful parents you find it very difficult to establish healthy friendships and relationships.
People who are abusive will sense this about you and seek you out unfortunately.
I am one of the lucky ones and generally believe people are mostly good because of this. However I work in MH and have seen first hand how early childhood experiences can impact on a person in the long-term.
My advice would be to get some counselling or get referred to a MH team for psychological input, perhaps with self compassionate focused therapy as there is help even if you have to go on a waiting list to get it.

WhereYouLeftIt
Great post.
Completely agree it's about not having the protection of a sense of self worth that leaves you vulnerable.

Life's a mix of good & bad OP, sometimes people are both.
Sometimes people are genuinely lovely.
You certainly sound as though you've had it really, really tough where relationships are concerned.
Maybe it's time to focus solely on you and build that protective shark cage x

However, saying that, I did see teachers acting in ways which were mean and unprofessional back in the 70's/80's. I'm sure things have hugely improved in that respect but I remember vividly feeling the unfairness when certain people were targeted even if I was unable to articulate it at the time.

I’d say half and half…I know some lovely people but have also met some utter cunts!

@TodayYearsOld

In the kindest way possible, have you not ever thought that given you believe that almost everyone you've encountered has been horrible to you, that perhaps the issue lies with you, not all of them?

It can look that way. I suppose most people are sometimes kind and sometimes not.