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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How often do you think about dying?

123 replies

justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 07:55

NC for this as. Just to make it clear, I am not depressed, I live quite a happy, fulfilled life. Obviously have stresses that more money could fix but don't we all. I was chatting with my cousin and we were both saying that actually we wouldn't really care if we died. Obv I don't want to and possibly if it came to it I would be petrified. But in the sort of die in your sleep way. Life is super stressful, housing, work etc its a never ending story and I really wouldn't care. I sometimes think it would actually be quite peaceful. I would never ever think about hurting myself or anything and I am quite aware of the pain left behind due to personal losses but am I normal in having thoughts like this? Or am I kidding myself me and my cousin are in fact suicidal depressed women.

OP posts:
Nandakanda · 03/07/2021 08:06

I think that's a fairly well balanced attitude.

Most normally healthy people assume they are not likely to die after a few weeks and can think in terms of decades quite reasonably.

Also, nobody actually knows what happens after we die. Many think they know, but they don't really.

thyroidhelp · 03/07/2021 08:09

OP I feel exactly the same as you! Sometimes I think I'm mad or depressed and don't know it (I do suffer depression but even when not depressed and happy fell this way)

The bottom line is, life just isn't a bed of roses, it's actually very difficult and most of the time 'meh'.

The highs of life come in only very short spurts not enough for me to feel sad if I was gone.

I completely agree, and as you say with a peaceful die in my sleep kind of death would be quite fine with that!

Clickbait · 03/07/2021 08:11

I think that's normal OP. I am a mentally stable person who has never suffered from depression and I have those thoughts occasionally. In the same way that when my kids were little I would sometimes day dream about living in my own quiet, tidy flat away from my family. It didn't mean I really wanted to divorce DH and abandon my DC!

MartyHart · 03/07/2021 08:28

I think that's normal and many old people feel this way plus they've had enough, they can't be bothered to keep up with the world anymore.
Fairly healthy I think. I mean you will die one day, nothing you can do about it so what's the point of getting upset? You didn't mind not existing before you were born.
Pain is scary, death not so much.

hamstersarse · 03/07/2021 08:33

You are describing nihilism not depression

It’s pretty common these days as we have a meaning crisis in our society. Since the death of religion, our purpose is seriously lacking.

What is the point for most people these days? It’s not to get to heaven is it! For most it’s supposed to be get more money and things, but that just doesn’t cut it after time, it isn’t a ‘higher purpose’

Humans are built to engage with a ‘higher purpose’...it’s how we’ve evolved. I think that’s why climate change is such a draw to people for example. It gives you something other than yourself to aim for.

I’ve no answers in how to solve nihilism but it can feel good just to understand the issue.

PhilCornwall1 · 03/07/2021 08:39

To be honest, I don't really care about dying either. I've got an illness that sees me living with pain daily and there is only so much that can be done to control it. Some days are better than others.

Many a time, when it's bad, I've thought "I wouldn't mind getting this over and done with now".

I'm not at all suicidal or depressed either.

Lanareyrey · 03/07/2021 08:41

All the time! Not depressed but I work in Aged Care so it’s very confronting most days and makes you question your own fate.

malificent7 · 03/07/2021 08:44

Yanbu...don't get me wrong...i love life sometimes but it is very hard work and can ve painful snd i quite like the idea of a nice long ( eternal) rest at the end.
If i do come back, id come back as a pampered cat so I could lie around all day sleeping!

malificent7 · 03/07/2021 08:44

Be*

ZaraW · 03/07/2021 08:51

I've had cancer so quite often.

kookiekook · 03/07/2021 08:54

I feel mostly the same as you OP.

I have reasons to live - children, family and friends - but sometimes the thought of working like I do until I eventually retire fills be with despair and honestly I'd rather not be here then.

I do have the occasional suicidal thought - like I'll be driving and will think how good it might be to swerve into a tree and end it all. I never would though and it usually turns out it's peak PMT when this occurs!

Mischance · 03/07/2021 08:57

OH died in Feb last year, so yes I do think about death a lot. In relation to OH I often as myself "Where the bloody hell is he?" as it seems beyond credence that he has gone. I guess his atoms have gone back to the stardust, but it is a huge thing to get your head around. I ask myself what the point of his life was - and indeed he asked me that very question just before he died.

I have lots of pain and my life is limited by this. That is mega frustrating. I have lots of good things in my life, but share the OP's feeling that if I did not wake up tomorrow morning that's fine by me.

Mischance · 03/07/2021 08:57

ask

Original poster
justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 08:57

@hamstersarse your username 😂😂 I love it. Ironically I am very religious and actually feel like I do have a purpose here and actively engage in it. I also have a very very strong belief of what will be happening next and most times I just want to skip to that part! Hence me bring somewhat comfortable with quite morbid conversations. I struggle to imagine how people without this faith manage day to day. Life is brutal.

OP posts:
Terrazzo · 03/07/2021 09:00

I think about dying every day! And the vastness of the universe and how nothing matters at all basically. I had general anesthetic for the first time the other week and I was amazed how it was a total nothingness, I was completely unaware until I woke up in a different room - no dreams or anything. So maybe that is what death is like, without the waking up part. But I really aim to live well into my 90s and die in my sleep. Would hate to know it's coming.

Terrazzo · 03/07/2021 09:03

Yes anaesthetic was like it was before being born.

StrangerYears · 03/07/2021 09:04

At the moment I am thinking about it every day.
I'm listening to a podcast called "Better Off Dead" talking about euthanasia.
My poor mum died a sad death and I am a huge believer in euthanasia and the podcast is fascinating (and well done).

I'd like to be around for my kids to be able to cope without me (ie well into adulthood) !

Original poster
justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 09:07

These responses are so interesting. I have reported myself to Mumsnet asking to delete this thread as I'm a bit worried it'll trigger someone who is currently very sad. If they deem it safe to keep up than great, but if not, it's been great knowing I'm not alone! Now to go celebrate the happy times 😂

OP posts:
FTM91 · 03/07/2021 09:10

Maybe I'm weird but when I'm driving I often wonder what would happen if I died in a crash and what would happen to the dog if he was in the car and didn't die. Would he run away or stay with me? Would the paramedics look after him too? There's a little insight into my priorities in life Grin

ohnonotyetplease · 03/07/2021 09:16

I think about it all the time. I have very strong faith and am not worried about dying. I have often wished I could just go to sleep and not wake up.
Also have experienced suicidal ideation for many years but I know really that when I became a parent I really had to consider my child before anything else. I couldn't do it to her.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 03/07/2021 09:19

I think about developing a long terminal illness much more, I worry about that every day. Both parents are at different stages of dementia relatively young. I can’t bare the thought of going through it myself, the loss of dignity upsets me the most, the fact that you become a stranger to your family and abuse them, and it goes on for so many years. Quick deaths I used to see as terrible I now view as pretty merciful in comparison. But there is an absolute obsession with life being extended medically way beyond its value to the person living it. So while I don’t want to die any time soon, it’s enduring a long terminal illness that frightens me.

Macncheeseballs · 03/07/2021 09:24

I hardly ever think about dying although you got me thinking about it now! I do however think about how I can lead a long happy healthy life, and hope I have many years left

Audo · 03/07/2021 09:25

Frequently. For instance, regarding the terrible heat in BC I am glad my dear friend is dead and cannot herself suffe,r and also worry about all the poor wild animals.

Audo · 03/07/2021 09:28

www.dignityindying.org.uk/about-us/

I recommend

AmberIsACertainty · 03/07/2021 09:32

I feel like this sometimes. I never knew there was a name for it. I see t as a sign in not contented enough in my life, so I take action to make things better. This often means making decisions the majority wouldn't make or would think are crazy impulsive mistakes, but they're not, every decision is well thought out and a conscious choice. I believe I owe it to myself to do my best to create a life worth living, a life I don't want to leave. I like to wake in the morning and think great another day! If I wake thinking oh no sigh another day to get through, I'm not ok with that.