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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How often do you think about dying?

123 replies

justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 07:55

NC for this as. Just to make it clear, I am not depressed, I live quite a happy, fulfilled life. Obviously have stresses that more money could fix but don't we all. I was chatting with my cousin and we were both saying that actually we wouldn't really care if we died. Obv I don't want to and possibly if it came to it I would be petrified. But in the sort of die in your sleep way. Life is super stressful, housing, work etc its a never ending story and I really wouldn't care. I sometimes think it would actually be quite peaceful. I would never ever think about hurting myself or anything and I am quite aware of the pain left behind due to personal losses but am I normal in having thoughts like this? Or am I kidding myself me and my cousin are in fact suicidal depressed women.

OP posts:
justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:18

@claralara42 I'm very reluctant to go any deeper than I already have above, I really want to avoid a biblical debate on here as I think this thread is really lovely, especially being on AIBU.
We're all allowed to believe what we want and this is just my understanding of it, which I hoped helped the PP a little.

OP posts:
justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:20

@amberisacertainty yes, MNHQ emailed me saying they're happy to keep it up as it's balanced.

OP posts:
claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:21

I don't think it's lovely, people talking about not caring if they died.
How unbelievably selfish and self-absorbed of them.

justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:28

@claralara42 I don't think anyone has said that really. I think the general consensus is the thought of what happens after death isn't a worry. Pain, leaving loved ones behind is the worry. Humans are selfish creatures really, it's about survival. And it is hard to survive in the world in its current state. We do things in life to give us purpose. Some people have kids and raise them selflessly, others are very selfish parents, it's just how it rolls. I don't think anyone on here has come across as super selfish.

OP posts:
claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:30

I don't think anyone has said that really

YOU literally said that, in your OP. Twice. Hmm

ZaraW · 03/07/2021 15:30

@claralara42

I don't think it's lovely, people talking about not caring if they died. How unbelievably selfish and self-absorbed of them.
Is it? Just because someone has a different view to you? Life isn't " lovely ".
justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:30

@claralara42 and by lovely I don't mean the subject. The subject is quite morbid and sensitive and the way it's been handled on this thread has been lovely. If you don't find it so you're welcome to leave. AIBU can be a horrid place at times.

OP posts:
claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:32

Is it? Just because someone has a different view to you? Life isn't " lovely

I'm sorry for you that your's isn't, but mine is. For most people, life is lovely.
And yes, not caring if you die is showing a terribly selfish attitude to anyone that cares about you.

justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:33

@claralara42 again, you're welcome to leave 🤗

OP posts:
ZaraW · 03/07/2021 15:36

@claralara42

Is it? Just because someone has a different view to you? Life isn't " lovely

I'm sorry for you that your's isn't, but mine is. For most people, life is lovely.
And yes, not caring if you die is showing a terribly selfish attitude to anyone that cares about you.

My life is fine thanks it's been a struggle at times as it is for most people. Is life "lovely " for most people? Do you read the news?! Do you have empathy or do you live in a "lovely " little bubble?
Florence2156 · 03/07/2021 15:38

Every day. And I take more and more comfort from the thought of it. I find life cold and lacking in any meaningful connection. I struggle every day, life is just pure pain.

claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:38

[quote justcheckingreally]@claralara42 again, you're welcome to leave 🤗[/quote]
And I don't have to Hmm

Is life "lovely " for most people? Do you read the news?! Do you have empathy or do you live in a "lovely " little bubble?

Yes, I think life is pretty good for most people. Most people appreciate what they have. What on the news makes you think life is horrible for everyone?

notthe1Parrot · 03/07/2021 15:40

AgeUk and compassionindying.org.uk have information about advance decisions. It is possible to decide in advance not to have eg CPR or antibiotics etc that would prolong your life.

IdblowJonSnow · 03/07/2021 15:40

@kookiekook

Same thoughts when its pmt time. Sad

Eilethya · 03/07/2021 15:40

I think about it but I'm not scared of death and I don't want to die.

Just the whole thing really fascinates me, I follow the work of Dr Peter Fenwick and others who have spent their life investigating how consciousness works and what happens after we die.

I believe in something, from a scientific POV as opposed to religious. I believe consciousness and quantum physics are interlinked. It really blows my mind.

For me, death would answer a lot of questions I have surrounding the subject and the mechanics of the soul/consciousness.

Either I find something wonderful and actually meet up with my lovely grandparents or it is actually oblivion, and I would have no idea 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I was with my grandad when he died 2018. He was poorly in hospital, very short illness but the day he died he was completely alert and fully aware of what was happening. It was such a sad day but at the same time happy? I can't explain it. He wanted us to take pictures with him, we spoke about good times and the daft bugger even pretended to be dead shortly before he actually died.

He just closed his eyes, and we held his hand as his breathing slowed. It truly was the bravest thing I've ever seen and when I think back, he spent his final hours making US feel better.

That's how I would like to go. I used to believe it would be better to hit the floor and be gone, but surrounded by my most loved would be nice too. Providing it's not a long drawn out death.

It wasn't unpleasant, he literally went out with a smile.

AlternativePerspective · 03/07/2021 15:41

@ claralara42 what is there to be achieved by caring whether you die though? You are going to die. That’s not a possibility, it’s not something you can avoid, it’s a fact of life. You’re going to die, your children are going to die, everyone you have ever met is going to die. Non acceptance of that fact achieves nothing, because it doesn’t change anything.

And as hard as it is, we will all lose someone who is close to us one day. Having to live with the reality of someone else’s death is a part of all our lives.

Florence2156 · 03/07/2021 15:42

@claralara42 I can’t decide if your ignorance is a blessing or a curse.

AlternativePerspective · 03/07/2021 15:46

For those who asked, yes my health is much better now thanks to a lot of medical involvement. However it is an ongoing journey, and there is every chance that the condition will kill me one day.

I am not afraid. We’re all going to die one day, it’s just that for some of us we are given an insight into how that might happen.

of course there’s always a chance it won’t happen like that and I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, but while I have a life to live I will live it, and when it’s time to go then I’ll go.

justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:47

@AlternativePerspective very well out.

@claralara42 you're more than welcome to stay, it just seems this thread has triggered you a bit but I may be misunderstanding. I do think you are in somewhat of a bubble if you think most people have a good life. I think most people definitely have good moments but those moments can be fleeting for a lot of people. Constant worry about health and money is a daily thing for most. Even those in well off countries.
You are incredibly lucky or have an amazing ability to have a super positive outlook if this is not you.

OP posts:
justcheckingreally · 03/07/2021 15:48

@AlternativePerspective you have such a great view on things! I wish I could like your posts. I think me, you and my cousin could have a great time chatting about morbid topics 😂

OP posts:
Alannawhorideslikeaman · 03/07/2021 15:51

I've always said I'm not so in love with life I'm scared of dying.

It horrified my brother who immediately thought I was suicidal and my DH just huffs and gets offended, but it's true. I do love my life - I'm generally very happy. But people die, and in my belief system once the lights go out, that is it. So I won't regret or miss or fear, because there isn't anything like consciousness in which to do those things. So I don't fear it. And life, as lovely as it is, is just a load of made up nonsense we do to supposedly justify our existence.

incywincyspiders · 03/07/2021 15:53

I am completely opposite of most people on this thread. I CONSTANTLY worry about dying and what happens next. I've had out of body experiences and also do actually have memories from before I was born (I know no one will believe me but I do) so I actually can't believe there isn't anything after death yet I'm still terrified 🤣

I'm also terrified of other people dying as I just don't understand how people are here one second and gone the next. When you look at dead bodies you just know that the person is no longer in there - they look completely different.

YellowSunshineSky · 03/07/2021 15:53

I think about this too. Life has been hard work lately. Sometimes it would be nice if the off switch were flipped in a way where I didn't know it was coming and it was painless.

But then for my kids and family that would be awful so I definitely do not wish that at all.

claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:58

[quote Florence2156]@claralara42 I can’t decide if your ignorance is a blessing or a curse.[/quote]
Please explain what you imagine I am ignorant of.

claralara42 · 03/07/2021 15:59

I am ignorant of why OP blatantly lied about the topic of her thread. Perhaps you could enlighten me on that point while you are about it.