How often do you think about dying?

[justcheckingreally]

NC for this as. Just to make it clear, I am not depressed, I live quite a happy, fulfilled life. Obviously have stresses that more money could fix but don't we all. I was chatting with my cousin and we were both saying that actually we wouldn't really care if we died. Obv I don't want to and possibly if it came to it I would be petrified. But in the sort of die in your sleep way. Life is super stressful, housing, work etc its a never ending story and I really wouldn't care. I sometimes think it would actually be quite peaceful. I would never ever think about hurting myself or anything and I am quite aware of the pain left behind due to personal losses but am I normal in having thoughts like this? Or am I kidding myself me and my cousin are in fact suicidal depressed women.

I think about dying way too much. Not in a 'wanting to die way' but in a 'what would happen to my kid if I died' sense. I'd never bothered about my own mortality until I became a parent. It keeps me awake at night....

I think about it a lot. Not in a suicidal thoughts way but just that I have no fear of dying anymore.

I'm early 40s and healthy/ well, with two young living children and a husband and all is well.

But I lost a son earlier this year and although I don't believe in an afterlife I don't really enjoy living without him and no longer fear death myself

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I think about developing a long terminal illness much more, I worry about that every day. Both parents are at different stages of dementia relatively young. I can’t bare the thought of going through it myself, the loss of dignity upsets me the most, the fact that you become a stranger to your family and abuse them, and it goes on for so many years. Quick deaths I used to see as terrible I now view as pretty merciful in comparison. But there is an absolute obsession with life being extended medically way beyond its value to the person living it. So while I don’t want to die any time soon, it’s enduring a long terminal illness that frightens me.

Totally agree with this. Sorry about your parents.

Sounds to me like you need and deserve a good rest. I’ve been in your position when I was much younger and it isn’t easy. Try putting a lot of thought into making a detailed list of how you could make your life easier, less stressful and less tiring. Here are some ideas:
Go to bed 1 hour earlier
Get up 1 hour earlier ( you’ll be surprised how much you can get done and still have time for a quiet tea or coffee)
Decide on 1 or 2 really easy meals a week ( egg and beans on toast/ baked potatoes and beans)
Train your children ( if you have them 😊) to help and take responsibility for some jobs.
Look at expenses you could cut down on. Add up the annual cost and you will be surprised.
Buy a dishwasher? I know this is added expense and that you may not be able to afford but you can do a lot with a dishwasher than just wash dishes.
These are only examples and may not be relevant to you.
Good luck 👍

I have this thought sometimes too; I view it as self-care, helping make the difficult things bearable, and a useful reminder of my very fleeting presence in time and space.

I also gave it to a character in a novel I’m writing. She’s almost joyfully not depressed but certainly has nihilist tendencies, and says something like, ‘It’s a relief to know all this will end one day.’ And it is. It really is.

It's not something I think about.

Because I’m getting on a bit, and several of our (male) friends have popped off in the last few years, I do think of it now and then, and wonder which of us will go first, me or dh, and how the other will cope.

But TBH I worry rather more about developing dementia, and going on with it for years, like my DM. A fate infinitely worse than death, IMO. Give me a nice swift heart attack any day. Better still, just quietly slipping away in your sleep, like a friend’s DM recently, at about 92, having not even been ill. So lucky.

If I have dementia when I'm older I'd rather be dead to be honest.
I do think about it a lot as all our parents have died in the last ten years and it is all so final.
I have wished I was dead a few times to be honest ( in the past ) and think about it more than I should do.

I think about it every day I have a life limiting illness. Its not so much being dead as you obviously wont know its the journey to dying.
Never thought much about it before it was always something in the far future and assuming it would be a died in your sleep scenario. Cant imagine not existing though

I think this is a great topic, and it’s actually quite reassuring how upbeat people are.

The usernames @hamstersarse and @SinisterBumFacedCat have significantly enhanced the meaning of my life..

You gotta have faith..

@Nandakanda I agree! I didn't expect such a lovely response. It's a heavy topic but humans have such an amazing ability to survive.
@Bleachmycloths I think I agree with you. I am at the end of my 20s, as is my cousin and it's bloody hard to not compare to others. I kind of understand the club 27 now. I was much more positive earlier on in my 20s but life seems to be going so fast and not much happening. I will actually try some of your suggestions.

I used to feel exactly like you, but then I had children - specifically since having DD who has additional needs, I have a deep, unadulterated fear of dying.

I can't tell you just how much I fear it, actually. I've made significant (some would say extreme) changes in my lifestyle and really look after my health and fitness now.

Before that, I had a vague sense of mortality and was pretty pragmatic about the fact that death comes with life.

I don't think about dying. I actually don't want to die right now as the thought of leaving my 1 year old is heartbreaking. But I really don't see a point to life...I don't believe anything happens after we die. We don't remember anything before, why would something happen after? Sometimes when I'm working on my master or writing my book, I just think we'll what's the point? I'll die eventually anyway and all this will have been for nothing.
It's bloody morbid so I try to redirect those thoughts now but they creep back quite often

@Mischance

OH died in Feb last year, so yes I do think about death a lot. In relation to OH I often as myself "Where the bloody hell is he?" as it seems beyond credence that he has gone. I guess his atoms have gone back to the stardust, but it is a huge thing to get your head around. I ask myself what the point of his life was - and indeed he asked me that very question just before he died.

I have lots of pain and my life is limited by this. That is mega frustrating. I have lots of good things in my life, but share the OP's feeling that if I did not wake up tomorrow morning that's fine by me.

My sister passed away last year and I kind of feel similar. I wonder where she is. Is used to believe in things, but since her illness and death, I question that a lot because I don't understand why it would happen if what I believed was true.

I've thought about it a lot more in the last year or so. I'm not sure if it's because of lockdown/covid or because I'm now 47 (so likely past the mid point of my life) and my husband is 60 with both parents long gone.

It's not actually dying that bothers me. Maybe that will change but I'm not really bothered about what happens. I don't really think there is an afterlife as such though, more of a permanent loss of consciousness and life energy being redistributed, plus "living on" at least temporarily in the memories of those who loved us. Someone else wrote something on mumsnet a few months ago saying that we sort of "die twice". One when we die bodily and once when there is no one else left alive who remembers and thinks of us. This is also part of the plot in the film Coco!

I am more concerned with how me and my husband will age, whether we will be in good enough health (and have enough in our pensions) to have a decent retirement. My husband's dad had alzheimers and the last decade of his life was bloody awful for him and the family. It scares me a lot that it could happen to him or to me. Plus our children are still quite young. 16 year old son with SEN and 7 year old daughter. I'm anxious about us staying alive and in decent enough health to be around for them and help them get set up in their adult lives if they need it. Realistically my husband is likely to be gone by the time our daughter reaches her mid twenties. Our son will always struggle in life and I'm hoping we will be in a position to help him buy a property before we shuffle off which is likely to mean us downsizing from our big family home. We only bought it two years ago and call it our "forever home" and the renovations still aren't complete, seems a bit sad to already be thinking about when we might have to sell it. But that's life, death is the only certain thing. I know its meant to be "death and taxes" but some people even manage to avoid taxes!

Ah I have found my people!! My OH hates that I don't really give a toss, and says I shouldn't "talk like that".....

How often do I think of dying.
I'm not mor I'd and quite cheerful and funny in real life but the thought of death and dying feels like it is with me all the time. I feel like it's an invisible cloak around me.
I did try explaining it to someone on e but it didn't end well so I keep the thoughts in my head now.

I had general anesthetic for the first time the other week and I was amazed how it was a total nothingness, I was completely unaware until I woke up in a different room - no dreams or anything.

I felt the same way. It was a very strange experience.

I live with chronic pain that is getting worse. Thoughts of death are like a shadow beside me most days.

I think of dying every day and if it were easier to achieve I’m sure I’d have done it by now.

Climate change also makes me think about death. What's happening around the world is awful.

I'm scared of dying. I was bought up a Catholic and learning about Hell frightened me. I once had a termination and feel like if I die Hell is where I'm headed. There's nothing I can do, it's done now, so I am doomed. So I try not to think about dying too much as I can't bear it.

I hate thinking about it. Sometimes I’ll be driving along and think “one day I won’t be here” and it really freaks me out. I also panic a lot about how I will cope without my mum when the time comes, I am an only child with no other family and it terrifies me.

@LostThings I don't know if you're religious or belibe in the Bible, but if it makes you feel any better, the idea of hell is a false doctrine that doesn't actually exist in the Bible so don't worry about that 😉.

I’d say several times a day even though I’m very young

@Mummyof2andapig how come so often? Is it specific things you could change? Or just one of those things you've often had?
I am curious at what point does it turn into depression, it worries me a little.