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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much child maintenance you receive.

309 replies

Sailingthroughtheweek · 02/07/2021 12:07

I’m wondering where DC and I fit on the spectrum, just out of interest.

I receive £300 per month for one DC.
He lives 100 miles away and does no childcare at all, so that pays for breakfast/ after school clubs, holiday clubs and a bit towards her hobbies.

I’m very, very glad to be in my current position and not still married, so I’m not moaning at all, and also, I earn more than him so I don’t need more, but a £300 contribution to our DC seems low.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 02/07/2021 16:46

@Viviennemary

I've always thought it was very unfair that child maintenance isn't taken into account for benefits. It has never affected me just to clarify. But somebody getting 1800k a month maintenance and another getting nothing or £25 a week and they get the same state benefit top ups. How can that be right.
Because the payment of it is entirely dependent on the NRP paying up.

You’ve seen the threads where they don’t.

Lili132 · 02/07/2021 16:47

@MotionActivatedDog

I've always thought it was very unfair that child maintenance isn't taken into account for benefits. It has never affected me just to clarify

Hmm never affected you. Perhaps If it had you’d understand why it isn’t taken into account.

So now imagine how it affects someone who has no child maintenance at all! All income should be calculated for benefits and people should get enough to cover childcare and life expenses. It's outrageous that someone getting £1800 extra a month gets the same benefits as someone who gets zero child maintenance.
VienneseWhirligig · 02/07/2021 16:51

DH used to get £160 a month from his ex W, for two kids. She earned more than he did. The CSA were useless - they collected the money weekly from her and often didn't pay it to DH. This was in the 90s and early to mid 2000s though.

JustLyra · 02/07/2021 16:56

@Viviennemary

I've always thought it was very unfair that child maintenance isn't taken into account for benefits. It has never affected me just to clarify. But somebody getting 1800k a month maintenance and another getting nothing or £25 a week and they get the same state benefit top ups. How can that be right.
That’s because people like my Grandparents were utterly screwed over when it did count.

Landed unexpectedly with 4 children they ended up on benefits. My father was supposed to pay £64 a week. That money was taken off their benefits yet CSA, as was, never got a penny out of it.

The number of RP’s not getting a penny of their stipulated amount is vastly higher than the number of people on benefits getting £1800 a month.

Akrotiri1 · 02/07/2021 17:02

Initially it was £500 pcm for 1 child, a private agreement and written into the Divorce settlement (ex H was a city banker).

He agreed to pay this until my son was 18yrs, and to continue if he remained in f/t education, which my son has done. However I have allowed him to drop it to £300 pcm as although my son is still studying, he lives at home and also has a well paid p/t job.

Ex H retrained as a teacher and earns a lot less now, coupled with re marrying and 'inheriting' 2 more children.

Maybe should have insisted he carried on paying the full amount, but I came out of the divorce mortgage free with a reasonable pension sharing order, so although I despise the man, feel I have to play fair.

WhoPutThatThere · 02/07/2021 17:13

@PumpkinKlNG

Because some of them don’t even want to see their kids let alone pay for them 🤷‍♀️ When I asked my ex for maintenance he said “you don’t have kids to get paid!”
Christ this makes my blood boil. You also don't have kids and then just walk away leaving someone else with all the responsibility. The attitude of some men is shocking.

My ex pays the legally required amount, sees them one weekend in three and seems to think that this means that's he's doing a good job.
Umm, no, you're literally doing the legally required minimum.

Viviennemary · 02/07/2021 17:16

But you can't judge everything on payment defaulters. I still think it's unfair.

Missillusioned · 02/07/2021 17:18

If we want to knock the child maintenance off benefits the only fair way to do it is pay the RP the full benefits and then the inland revenue claim it back off the NRP.

That way if the NRP doesn't pay the tax man takes them to court. In my experience the taxman is more persistent than the CMS

JustLyra · 02/07/2021 17:20

@Viviennemary

But you can't judge everything on payment defaulters. I still think it's unfair.
Do you realise how many defaulters there are?

For a while the system was that people ok benefits could only keep £20 a week. The rest of maintenance was owed to the Sec. of State and went toward the welfare budget.

The amount owed to S.o.S got some high the government of the day decided that something must be done… their solution was to allow people on benefits to keep maintenance. No government since has changed that.

Do you really think if there was actually any more than a teeny tiny majority of people getting a shit load of money while on benefits they’d have let that system sit?

CiaoForNiao · 02/07/2021 17:21

So now imagine how it affects someone who has no child maintenance at all! All income should be calculated for benefits and people should get enough to cover childcare and life expenses. It's outrageous that someone getting £1800 extra a month gets the same benefits as someone who gets zero child maintenance.

It's all well and good including maintenance as income, until the NRP suddenly decides not to pay it. The RP is left unable to pay bills. Benefits take a few weeks to sort out, the CMS take forever to get the payments, if ever. That's why they stopped including them.

And no its not 'fair' that some people get £1000+ in maintenance and benefits, while other parents get the same amount of benefits and £0 maintenance. But life isn't fair. And there'll never be a system that is fair. They've got to pick the "best of a bad bunch" as it were.

unicornsarereal72 · 02/07/2021 17:22

I am meant to get £128 a week. I am currently owed just under £20k.

I'd love anything if it was regular payment. At least the kids would have a better quality of life.

As it is we do ok. Just like to do more with the children during the holidays etc. I'm sure many parents do.

gamerchick · 02/07/2021 17:23

SFA. He offered me 30p once.

MorriseysGladioli · 02/07/2021 17:42

I wish I hadn't read this thread now.
It's hammered home how absent parents seem to be able (still!!!) to treat contributions to their children's upkeep as voluntary.

itsasin77 · 02/07/2021 17:46

4 kids £29.10 every month, as apparently on benefits.
But that hasn’t materialised for months now after being no contact for 17yrs, no payments, nothing:
Dodged the taxman for work and dodged CMS for laying for his kids.
Hope his new wife knows what a lucky sort she has there with their child.
Scum of the earth these non paying so called fathers.
My kids want nothing to do with him eitherC their choice!

IDontReadEyebrows · 02/07/2021 17:49

@MorriseysGladioli

I wish I hadn't read this thread now. It's hammered home how absent parents seem to be able (still!!!) to treat contributions to their children's upkeep as voluntary.
Yeah and many of the ones who do pay (the CMS minimum amount) child support except the resident parent to be forever in their debt because they’re some kind of hero apparently Hmm
unicornsarereal72 · 02/07/2021 17:52

How do these parents look in the mirror?

I try not to give it too much head space. But makes me angry I'm struggling to ensure the kids have all they need. Whilst their father doesn't give it any thought. And has new girl friend who he clearly isn't telling the truth too.

Skatastic · 02/07/2021 17:58
  1. Used to be 800 a month for 2 kids which is more than fair as he earns a lot. But in lockdown he found a way to weasel out of it like the cunt he is.
DrCoconut · 02/07/2021 18:00

£300 is a lot for one child. I get £80 for 2 and I have them 100% of the time due to the circumstances

JustLyra · 02/07/2021 18:06

@DrCoconut

£300 is a lot for one child. I get £80 for 2 and I have them 100% of the time due to the circumstances
It’s not “a lot” if it’s a fair proportion of the NRP’s wage.

£40 a month per child is extremely low.

singlehun · 02/07/2021 18:07

I don't understand people saying £xxx is a lot.... it's commensurate with earnings. If someone earns £90,000 a year then £300 isn't a lot. If they earn £12,000 a year then it's tons

BiscuitsNoMore · 02/07/2021 18:08

250pm he has dc eow.

PumpkinKlNG · 02/07/2021 18:10

Tbh I would be happy with £300 for 4 children so yeh I think it’s good for one

Babymamamama · 02/07/2021 18:13

I get near enough £400 per month. But was initially offered a quarter of that amount between us privately and refused that so had to get CMS to calculate. Actually I would be entitled to more as he doesn’t do the overnights he is supposed to but as I don’t really care if DD sleeps over there I’m happy with that amount.

MorriseysGladioli · 02/07/2021 18:18

It's a lot compared to those of us who get next to nothing or nothing, particularly when I know my boys dad has plenty of income from one thing or another.

Just because he's a violent bastard he doesn't have to pay.

I'm not sure of any other financial obligation where someone can change the amount, stop paying, or just ignore spiralling debt.

singlehun · 02/07/2021 18:28

@MorriseysGladioli

It's a lot compared to those of us who get next to nothing or nothing, particularly when I know my boys dad has plenty of income from one thing or another.

Just because he's a violent bastard he doesn't have to pay.

I'm not sure of any other financial obligation where someone can change the amount, stop paying, or just ignore spiralling debt.

Oh god no, I dont get anything either and she's rarely at his if ever.

I just dont think we should be considering any sum a lot unless we know what the NRP earns