THE singular most embarrassing moment of your life?

[OlympicProcrastinator]

You know, the one that pops in to your head at 3am 15 years later and you can still feel the burning shame?

I’ll start. Met a client at work and introduced myself, asked their name. It was a fairly unusual name so began making small talk about it / origins, someone I used to know with same name etc etc. Then….for some reason I just completely forgot what we were talking about and followed it up with, “So anyway, you haven’t told me your name”. Que a look of bemusement then disdain from him as he shook his head and said, “I think you’d better go away now”. It was just so awful. I shuffled off.
I saw him a few weeks later with a friend and he was pointing and laughing at me. That was 20 years ago. I Still cringe.

There was a cracking one on here a few years ago where a woman had gone to a wedding she didn’t like and was slagging it off by text to her husband. Except it wasn’t her husband. She’d accidentally text the bride!! Who promptly told her she was blocked forever.

Anyone care to share theirs?

@ElephantMoth

To be fair o think I might start putting Zooflora ST on the back of the cat litter tray and boys bedroom doors. A very useful life hack!!

Don't put Zoflora anywhere where cats could get it on their paws/fur - it is dangerous for them.

I didn't pass my driving test until I was 32 so was a bit of a nervous driver. I then didn't drive for 3 years but circumstances meant I had to start driving to work. The first day of driving to work I stalled at traffic lights by the office for about 10 minutes. I genuinely couldn't get myself to biting point. I had huge queues behind me, beeping at me when they were able to over take in the next lane. I got to work and people in the kitchen which looks out onto the traffic lights were making comments. I still cringe on a regular basis at those lights still.

I swear I'll think of my own story soon but my little brother did a poo in our local swimming pool when we were younger, the whole pool had to evacuate while the life guard fished it out with a new, as he had very red colouring, he was neon red so it was screamingly obvious it was our family at work, my sister and I wanted to die!

@ShitPoetryClub

The best I've ever read was on here a few years back, the poster was leading a conference, stood up at the beginning of the event and said "Hello, I'm Nigella Lawson", except she wasn't and she had no idea why she said it.

There was also another poster who was greeting guests at a conference, she shook hands with one delegate, leaned in towards her and whispered in her ear "Do one" for no reason at all.

I have never forgotten these and when I have an embarrassing moment I realise things could be worse.

Do one 😂

*net

The time I was meant to have arranged for a load of equipment to be delivered to a venue for a presentation. For god knows what reason, I just didn’t do it. Complete brain fart/ineptitude.

My manager and i arrived at the venue, he asked where was the all the equipment? I looked at him like a stunned cod and just felt sick. Luckily we managed to beg, steal and borrow most of what we needed but that still makes me cringe.

Was once at a boss' garden party, talking to some important people and absolutely busting for a wee. I was stuck in conversation with someone quite high up in the company, much older than me who was clearly sussing me out to see what kind of employee I was. He asked me about what I though of so-and-so's latest campaign, so I said "Oh, fabulous" and then pissed myself. Right in front of him.

Rushed to the loo and boss' wife gave me something to change, but when I came back out there was a dark patch trail on the patio, immortalising my accident and subsequent journey into the house. People stepped over it all evening and I left early.

Ha! Oh no! I haven't seen it i just tried to YouTube but i cant see an advert.

I just clumsily said I'm ok about 50 times and prayed everyone would stop looking at me

I was at a very cool bar (unusually for me), the sort where people stand around posing and drinking and acting cool.

In trying to get on a bar stool I managed to fling my shoe off right into the middle of the (empty) dance floor. I was mortified. However, one of the very cool guys in the group next to me at the bar went to retrieve it, said "Here you go, Cinderella!" and put it back on my foot.

No, he didn't want my number or anything, he wasn't creeping on me and there was no further conversation after that whatsoever. He just recognised the embarrassment of the situation and turned it around. What a nice guy.

@babbaloushka

Was once at a boss' garden party, talking to some important people and absolutely busting for a wee. I was stuck in conversation with someone quite high up in the company, much older than me who was clearly sussing me out to see what kind of employee I was. He asked me about what I though of so-and-so's latest campaign, so I said "Oh, fabulous" and then pissed myself. Right in front of him.

Rushed to the loo and boss' wife gave me something to change, but when I came back out there was a dark patch trail on the patio, immortalising my accident and subsequent journey into the house. People stepped over it all evening and I left early.

OMG. Had you recently had a baby and misjudged the resilience of your pelvic floor?

Out for a long walk across the moors with my then boyfriend and his prim parents (who made it obvious they didn't think I was good enough for their Son).
Miles from anywhere, out on the moors, I didn't feel quite right, felt my stomach churning.
Suddenly my bowels gave way and explosive yellow diarrhoea started running down out of my shorts leg and soaking them.
I took off and ran towards some nearby hill ( that looked much closer than it was!) and tried to clean myself up with some moss as they looked on wondering what the hell I had run off for.
As they approached, I sat down and pretended I was admiring the view as they looked on, noses twitching.
After a few minutes I urged them to go on saying I would follow. They did, looking back suspiciously.My bf lingered so I shouted at him to 'piss off'. He walked away wondering what he'd done to upset me and why I was ruining the day.
After sorting myself out to the best of my ability I followed and caught up with them.
It was a horrible afternoon, no one talking and me trying to hide my soggy shorts under a jumper tied around my waist and I absolutely stunk.
When we went to get back in his parents car his Dad went to the boot and passed me a carrier bag "to sit on". He then opened all the car windows and we set off on the silent journey home where I was dropped off without a word.

@BradPittsLeftTit

Well this lighthearted thread has taken a strange turn....

They’ve got form

One Monday morning first thing I rang the electric company to complain about my huge bill. Stood in the kitchen on hold at 8am. Guy eventually answered, said his script, then I gave my name and reason for my call. He was just finding me on his system so we were both silent and not speaking. My dd15 was stood at the other end of the kitchen and did the longest loudest fart you have ever heard!!! The guy clearly thought it was me!!! I asked if he heard it, he was trying not to laugh and said he did yes. I told him it was my dd15 who delivered said fart - obviously didn’t believe me 😳

My teacher caught me passing a 'love letter' to my then boyfriend in class. He made me stand at the front of the class and read it out.

@funnyoldonion

I swear I'll think of my own story soon but my little brother did a poo in our local swimming pool when we were younger, the whole pool had to evacuate while the life guard fished it out with a new, as he had very red colouring, he was neon red so it was screamingly obvious it was our family at work, my sister and I wanted to die!

What was the red colouring? Family at work? I have read this twice and can’t work out what was red?

When I was heavily pregnant I had huge swollen feet that I could only fit into flip flops. Popped to asda, it was tipping down with rain and walking through the car park one if my flip flops kept getting stuck to the wet floor and coming off, so every few steps I was leaving the it beind and having to go back for it, a few cars had to stop for me. Then some old guy was walking towards me and helpfully shouted out 'not the weather for flip flops love', dick!

@Howshouldibehave, I am similarly confused but my best guess is that funnyoldonion is saying that the family all have red hair so people could tell they were all related to the child who had done the poo in the pool. I may be wrong though!

Or maybe that the child was blushing? Really not sure now I’ve read it again 😆

I was that person who fails to correctly lock the door in one of those train toilets with the big, slow-opening automatic door. I was mid-wee and it started its slow reveal to a corridor full of people. Mortifying.

[quote waterlego]**@Howshouldibehave, I am similarly confused but my best guess is that funnyoldonion is saying that the family all have red hair so people could tell they were all related to the child who had done the poo in the pool. I may be wrong though![/quote]
I think it means the child was prone to blushing so because he was embarrassed he stood out, and as he was with his family, everyone could see that it was his family who had done the poo (his family 'at work').

@3ormorecharacters

I was that person who fails to correctly lock the door in one of those train toilets with the big, slow-opening automatic door. I was mid-wee and it started its slow reveal to a corridor full of people. Mortifying.

Same!!!

Here’s my latest...

Met an absolutely lovely guy through OLD. He came to pick me up for a night on the town, but we ended up talking and laughing for hours on my patio instead. Sparks flew and we fell into my bed, which (understandably irritatingly) banged against the wall I share with a neighbour...approximately 2.5 times before we got up and shifted the bed as not to disturb anyone. Lovely guy pauses a few times throughout the throes of passion insisting he hears knocking. We’d listen for a few seconds and agree it was nothing. Fast forward at least half an hour, and we both DEFINITELY hear knocking...I go to answer my front door...shared-wall neighbour is standing there in his PJs. “I just wanted to see what all the banging on the wall was about?”, he says in a smug attempt to make a point. I made sure all my bits were covered by my dressing gown and say, “I think you can guess.”
We both stare at each other with equal mortification
I couldn’t believe I’d said it! Took all of 15 minutes though before I could (and still do) laugh at myself about it, especially since he was the one who chose to spend a good 30 minutes in the cold waiting for someone to answer the door!

On a phone call at work, a lady gave me her name, and I repeated it back to her. "Sutcliffe? As in Peter?" No idea what I was thinking.

My brother ran and jumped on his mates back in the street. Yep, it wasn't his mate...

@waterlego

Or maybe that the child was blushing? Really not sure now I’ve read it again 😆

Oh, right! I think there might have been a key piece of information missing in that post!

Not embarrassing, but funny. 26 years ago I got my driving licence. Went to pick up the licence with my own car (illegal, but hey) as I had to get to work that day. After 12 hours of hostessing at a huge event and waving, chatting, blabla... I was driving home merrily around midnight when a police officer flashed his light for me to pull over. I waved back and carried on. I only stopped when quite a few 100meters later a police car with sirens drove in front of me and pushed me off the road basically.

Few years later missed my lane and ended up in a bus lane with a tiny car (smaller than a fiat 500). I was late and pissed off in general. Police officer, stop. He asked me: Are you a bus?
I automatically reacted: "do I look like one?"
First the horror on his face at the rudeness then he started laughing and sent me on my way.

Before driving had to go to school through a metro station like westminster: 3 tiers.
Walking along and all of a sudden my skirt fell of. I stood there in my knickers and a very short top.

same station a few months later. a guy passing by had a weird bag with loads of things hanging from it and one got caught in my breezy pullover. It was not a sturdy one. So he tore it off. I had nothing under it.

Professional: started a meeting with client and messed up my schedule so started talking about logistical solutions and database design to a client who wanted above the line catfood marketing campaign. They were so effing polite that they let me go on for about 15 mins before they said where they are from. This was actually cringe worthy.