Hi all looking for some advice if I’ve acted out of line here. Happy to be told I am and apologise to the parties involved or stand my ground if necessary. Will give all background I think is relevant and happy to give more if asked. Long one…
So me and exDH split up 6 years ago when I was pregnant with DS2. My mum and Dad have been a rock for me and have helped me out with the kids loads. I have 2 children aged 8 and 5. ExDH is a bit Disney dad, sees the kids once every 2 weeks and they have fun. My mum and dad take the kids overnight once a week. My mum also watches the children while I’m at work, I pay her for it, similar to that of a childminder so not a small amount.
I was in a long term relationship for the past 4 years and split up 5 months ago…very amicable split no issues at all. Since the split my mum has been round my house lots she gives the place a quick clean, puts a wash on and potters around the garden all while I’m at work. She says it’s to “earn her keep” as the children are in school 9-3 referring to the money I’m paying to her.
Lately though it’s getting a bit much, she’s rearranging my cupboards, I put a dress that I had lost buttons on in the bin and I found it washed and hung up (she seen it in a bag of rubbish and thought it was a mistake it was there 🤷🏻♀️)all while I’m at work. If I open a bottle of wine she’ll make comments like “oh have a drink last night did we?” etc.
Dad as well has been round in the shed, in the loft “checking things out” all while I’m at work.
I came down the other morning with the kids (summer holidays here) and she’s out the back painting the fence because “she had left over paint to use.” Absolutely fine by me but again I just wished she had asked because I don’t actually like the colour but she had started at 6:30am when we were all still in bed.
She popped in and I made her toast and tea and was tidying up putting paperwork away and yes the cupboard I keep all that in is the cupboard all the “stuff” goes in. She said “we will get a day and go through that” and then she’s telling me all the stuff she wants to do to my garden and dad is coming “to take my shed down” apparently…it’s old yes but it does a job and I can’t afford a new one. When I said it’s fine just to leave it, she said “no you don’t need to be here we’ll just suit ourselves” I told her I didn’t want her or my dad here when I wasn’t, they wouldn’t do it to my brothers house and I certainly wouldn’t do it to theirs so why should they have free reign at my place? Well that’s it…I’m stubborn, ungrateful and expect people to do things for me etc.
I’ve said that I don’t think there’s anything unreasonable in saying please don’t come round my house/ garden etc when I’m not here. Apparently I’m accusing them of spying on me. I don’t always say “thank you mum” every single day if she’s put a wash on for me but I take her out at least once a month for afternoon tea or for a lunch etc and I always make a point of saying it’s a thanks for what she does to help me. Bearing in mind she tells me she does this because of the money I pay her, I’ve never asked or expected her to do anything and I know she’s helping and do appreciate it.
So today has ended up in a massive row and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable in saying what I said or if I’m quite right and they’re being overbearing. I have apologised to her as she got upset and I never intended to upset her but I’ve said that I don’t think there’s anything wrong in what I said?!
Happy for different perspectives, all I can see is my own point of view. Thank you in advance.