Just can't get on top of my house! Making me miserable!

[UndertheCedartree]

Due to medical reasons I was unable to live in my house for 3 years. My DC were cared for by their DF at my house (i.e - he lived there with them).

When I moved back in a year ago the house was not in a good state. Aside from not being overly clean and in need of decoration the whole place needed organising. Every room was cluttered and messy. And it aside of being much cleaner and some decoration started it is still very cluttered and unorganised. On top of this my DC have picked up habits from their DF like not throwing their rubbish away, doing their own washing up or tidying toys/art supplies. They are 14 and 9. I am worn down with it - I hate living in this state but just can't seem to get on top of it! Any tips as to how I should tackle this?

It's really hard but try not to get overwhelmed.
Do a little (maybe 10 mins) every day.

Also, having everyone pitch in at the end of the day - suggest giving the kids clear instructions sergeant major style eg kid 1 clear the dining room.

Hi OP, I feel the same at the moment although maybe not as much needs doing as in your house. I have 2 young children and the youngest (9 months) isn't sleeping more than 20 minutes at night and to say I'm utterly exhausted is an understatement. I'm so physically and mentally drained I struggle to just do the bare minimum (was pots and do laundry).
I also need to do a massive reorder and reorganise of the house and I just can't.
What I've been trying to do is clean 1 room a day (when I can). So today I'll sort the kitchen. It's one room and usually manageable and because it's doable it boosts your self esteem when it's ticked off.
When I'm back at work and can afford it, we'll be getting a cleaner, and DH tidies round at the weekend.
Do you have any other help? Anyone to volunteer some time and go through one room at a time? Even if you just choose to do one room per week and properly clear it, in a few months the house should be much better. Can you afford a cleaner?

I feel like this and haven't had your health issues and absence from the household. There's a hoarders anonymous thread on here of other mners tackling similar set ups.

I don't have the answer. it all takes time. I think there needs to be a new profession beyond cleaners, of people who can sort out a house. (I think there are some of these people but it's not as ubiquitous as cleaners)

The Organised Mum Method (TOMM) is supposed to be very good and there's an app that you can use to help you follow it. I think it basically involves doing a little bit each day and an extra half hour one day a week or something. There's also a boot camp for when you start to try and reduce clutter. There is a group on the book of faces that I'm a member of but haven't started the method yet.

Good luck op. I know it must seem impossible now, but just doing a little bit each day will make a huge difference and you will get there in the end. With regards to the DC, maybe a house meeting is needed to tell them that things are going to have to change and that punishments will be involved if they don't follow the new order.

Get someone in to do the cleaning and tidying. Then you can decide what to do about the decorating. He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care.

Just coming to suggest TOMM but I can see someone has beaten me to it!

I think the clutter buster boot camp would really help you to get started. Another tip is to take photos, as you start to make progress, when you're looking at it every day it may not look much different but if you look at photos it will show how far you've come.

It can absolutely get overwhelming for anyone so don't feel bad about it.

If you can afford it get something like kallax sysytem. You can find used ones cheap or free sometimes. I have lots of stuff, but everything has its box so nothing is on show.
Box for documents, box for cables, box for candles etc. Storage can really sort a lot of the issues.

Then you need to tackle the behaviour. I am not a parent, but when i was a kid if i didn't throw my rubbish away, there would be punishments like taking stuff/privileges away.

And dp bit by bit

I use the Organised Mum method, which is really just common sense. It makes it so much easier somehow. Daily I do the washing up, washing, sweep downstairs and quick clean of bathroom. Then each day 30minutes cleaning/tidying a room, and on Fridays focusing on a rotation of rooms. I spend 45 minutes total cleaning or tidying a day + however long the washing up takes. House is starting to look sorted for once!

Can you ask someone for help? Even if you can't afford a professional organiser, a friend?

It's always easier with a fresh pair of eyes gently advising you to get rid of crap.

There's only one rule: you cannot clean and tidy clutter.

Hi Op.

That sounds hard for you. Let's make a plan!

1. Do you work? If so what hours?

1. DCs are old enough to help. So you can start with their bedrooms.

1 bag for charity shop. 1 bag for bin. 1 bag for attic. Go through every last thing. Everything that you're keeping gets put on the bed and then found a place to live. No place to live then it leaves the house.

1. You do the same as above in every room. But only do one room at a time. You're better off having 1 clean and sorted room then lots of half done jobs.

1. Your room is also important. You deserve a nice place to live.

1. Are your bathrooms cluttered? If not, then one day this week end clean them to the max. Every surface. Behind toilets etc. Get it shiny!

1. Little and often really helps keep a place tidy.

1. Forget about decorating for now. This can start when the whole house is clear.

1. Have you got another adult that can help you?

1. Are you mobile? Can you move around OK?

EVERYTHING HAS A PLACE AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE!!

BE RUTHLESS

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

YOU CAN DO IT!

Sorry, number 4 should say.. Nice place to sleep!

" He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care."

He's the children's father - he's not done anyone a favour or "saved" them from anything by being a parent!

Start with the kitchen. Load of washing in the machine and clear the washing up, drying up or dishwasher. Clean the sink. Clean the sides. Put stuff that shouldn't be in the kitchen somewhere else. Then make a cuppa and decide what's next.

I'd start with tidying. If rooms are tidy, you can clean much quicker.

Start a charity bag, a bin bag and a to sort out bag.

And go from there. It may be that one room has to take the brunt of all the stuff. That's fine. Because eventually that'll be the only room that you need to venture into and tackle.

OP - just do one surface at a time.

Be ruthless with clutter. I'm normally all up on recycling/charity but sometimes with a big job I'd say just get rid of it and don't give it another thought.

Can't your partner pitch in? It seems it's his fault for living in such a disgusting way for 3 years and letting your children pick up such horrible habits. How depressing for you to have to come back to this after health issues.
I would basically tell him to get a processional deep clean sorted...

Sorry, I misread it. I thought it was the OP's DF who was looking after them!

Small steps.

Have a waste paper basket in each room. All the baskets get emptied into the dustbin the night before the binmen are due.
14 and 9 year olds can learn to tidy their rooms.
Get storage.
Put things away, not down.
Remove outgrown toys and clothes. Donate to charity.

@Dillydollydingdong

Get someone in to do the cleaning and tidying. Then you can decide what to do about the decorating. He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care.

A parent looking after their own children is not a favour! As the OP done her ex a favour for looking after them for the previous 6 years?!

@MaskingForIt

@Dillydollydingdong thought OP meant her own DF. I also thought this before I re read it!

If you can afford it pay for a one off clean.

Otherwise start with one room at a time. Be ruthless in throwing stuff away. Get big plastic boxes for the kids to put their stuff in at the end of the day.

Don't move stuff about. Chuck it, file it or put it away.

Wow - thank you everyone for the kind responses I am still reading and will reply to questions etc.

Start with the kitchen. One bag of rubbish at a time. No sentimental crap. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't belong in the house.

No point booking a cleaner if there's mess everywhere.

@PantsandBoots - I really do need them pitching in. My eldest is very organised in his room but
has started leaving rubbish/plates up there or in the living room. The youngest has always been a nightmare for mess! I tried to get them involved by offering pocket money for a few jobs. It didn't really work as they already get pocket money from their dad and grandparents and the eldest gets an allowance. My eldest has Autism and needs prompting for everything.

@Schrutesbeets - you're doing brilliantly coping with sleepless nights too! I have had Covid and Long Covid (feel I am starting to turn a corner, finally!) so tiredness has come in a lot for me too!
I could be brave and ask a friend to help. I feel so embarrassed about it! I do want to get a cleaner once I'm top of everything.

@buzzandwoodyallday

The Organised Mum Method (TOMM) is supposed to be very good and there's an app that you can use to help you follow it. I think it basically involves doing a little bit each day and an extra half hour one day a week or something. There's also a boot camp for when you start to try and reduce clutter. There is a group on the book of faces that I'm a member of but haven't started the method yet.

Good luck op. I know it must seem impossible now, but just doing a little bit each day will make a huge difference and you will get there in the end. With regards to the DC, maybe a house meeting is needed to tell them that things are going to have to change and that punishments will be involved if they don't follow the new order.

I am firmly on Team Tomm. I have the books, the apps, watch on Instagram. I love her method but I'm struggling to follow it atm. I try to get the L1 jobs done and then tackle some clutter/do some decorating.