Just can't get on top of my house! Making me miserable!

[UndertheCedartree]

Due to medical reasons I was unable to live in my house for 3 years. My DC were cared for by their DF at my house (i.e - he lived there with them).

When I moved back in a year ago the house was not in a good state. Aside from not being overly clean and in need of decoration the whole place needed organising. Every room was cluttered and messy. And it aside of being much cleaner and some decoration started it is still very cluttered and unorganised. On top of this my DC have picked up habits from their DF like not throwing their rubbish away, doing their own washing up or tidying toys/art supplies. They are 14 and 9. I am worn down with it - I hate living in this state but just can't seem to get on top of it! Any tips as to how I should tackle this?

@Dillydollydingdong - well, yes I'm very grateful he stepped up. But they are his DC after all so not sure he's doing a favour caring for his own DC!

I'd leave the decorating out for now frankly, and focus on decluttering.

@Grenlei - photos are a great idea!

@SchrodingersImmigrant - thank you. I have just got a new kallax for my dining room which I have almost finished decorating. It is going to give me double the storage that was there before so will hopefully help. And yes, I do need to get the DC on board. I have a feeling they will be better once the place is tidier and looks less overwhelming

@CharlieWorkCharlieSad - thank you so much!

1. I don't work
2. My eldest has Autism and struggles to let go of things and noone can touch his things! The little one just wants everything but has started to learn that if she wants Christmas/Birthday presents then things need to go to the Charity shop! The trouble is they share a small double room and there isn't much room. I have plans to make the loft into my DS's room...but the loft is another whole project to tackle!
3. My room! I could cry! It is the dumping ground - just so much in there. I have a nice tidy dressing table and Kallax Unit, nice made bed. And then just bags and boxes all over the floor!
4. My bathroom/cloakroom are ok...plenty of storage luckily. My DD is still able to make the bathroom an utter state, though! I'll give them a good clean!
5. I might be able to ask a friend to help
6. I'm pretty mobile aside from some pain in my hips and back if I over do it. I'm still quite tired from Long Covid.

Under all the clutter there is quite a good organisation system but I can't always reach where I need to put something as there are things in the way. And my DD never puts anything back!!

@DonLewis - ah, you've just reminded me my washing machine has a fault (not draining) so I need to get to the launderette! The flipping boiler has also developed a fault (pump/not enough water in system, I think) but I'm taking the DC to Legoland next week so need to wait til after that to get someone to have a look!! But yes, a clean kitchen always makes me feel better!

@DoucheCanoe - thank you

@loveinthe90s - he's not my partner, just me and the kids here. If I could just get on top of the clutter I could tell him to sort a deep clean!!

@Dillydollydingdong - ah! Makes sense!

@kindaclassy - yes, I probably should prioritise the decluttering first.

[quote UndertheCedartree]@SchrodingersImmigrant - thank you. I have just got a new kallax for my dining room which I have almost finished decorating. It is going to give me double the storage that was there before so will hopefully help. And yes, I do need to get the DC on board. I have a feeling they will be better once the place is tidier and looks less overwhelming[/quote]
You might be right. Even as a "responsible adult" I still find that i lack motivation to keep clean when house is messy. But when it's tidy, I go and pick up every little spec of dust I see😂

That storage will help massively. I have the boxes and I don't care if inside is messy. One is like full of hundred of different candles (counting all tealights probably 200😂) and it's a mess because they are not stackable. But that doesn't matter. I can't see it.

Also a mail box helps. And random crap box. Mail box is where we put all mail. That gets then sorted in peace once in a while and letters put in right folders in a document box(es).

Random shite box is where everything what doesn't really have a home lives. That random thing which would sit on a coffee table or some shelf. That random roll of string. That outdoor cup. And so on.

Each box has a purpose.

I know how you feel op

I have a very small house up until recently there were 4 of us. My youngest dd is a.lego fan so you can imagine what happens there.

Between trying to homeschool over lock down and not murder ny now xp w I'm.back at work.where I often do split shifts so as soon as I'm.back.from school run I have to go back again, kinda means I spend spend day times I have off catching up on.washing and not much else.

I did call someone to come and do a deep clean and try and help me get a bit organised and things at a more manageable level , they were supoosed toncome round today fir a quote I.was realky excited and dared dream fir a second, they had contacts that did carpet akd oven cleaning and waste removal all sounded perfect. but they cancelled on me yesterday. Called 2 others and no one answered the phone.

I cant offer advice only solidarity and

Good luck op. I think think.storage is your best friend. That and a bin.bag. it's amazing how stuff accumulates isn't it

Oooh. I just remembered. Have you looked at underceiling "storage"? Great with limited space. If you have really tall ceilings you can get a proper storage system in. With normal ceiling, run some shelves up by the ceiling.

Throw in some plants and it will be super cosy (pothos is just the best plant imho 😁)

I did a similar thing to TOMM. Recognising that some of my days are busier than others (60 mile round trip to care for my parents and their houses plus all their medical appointments) I've devised a timetable that suits me, the rooms spread out over 7 days so 3 rooms a day (smaller rooms on busiest days). Towel washing twice a week and bedding once a week but on different days to keep on top of the laundry. Shopping delivery always on the same day and time. Ironing always on a Sunday so that the children each have 5 sets uniform hanging up on a Monday and no scrabbling around looking for things to wear during the week. I find with this method that it's not so overwhelming as you're only focussing on 2-3 rooms on any one day.

Ah sorry op, misunderstood. Thought you were together. Good luck!

@SchrodingersImmigrant - me too! And the self-hatred due to it being so messy makes it even worse! It's a vicious circle!

@SchrodingersImmigrant - the top two boxes are ones divided into 2 drawers. One drawer is going to be candles and wax melts! Then one for school paperwork, one for stationery and one for batteries and wires etc. The bottom 2 boxes are going to be purely to pick up all my DD's crap off the floor and then hopefully I can get her to have a sort through at the weekend and put things back in their proper place! I have a letter rack - it does tend to get a bit 'overgrown'. But hopefully once I get more headspace I can get into a routine of sorting it. I have tonnes of 'random shite' baskets - one on the coffee table, one on the dining table and one on my dressing table oh and one on a kitchen worktop! They do tend to get over run too!

@Whatwouldscullydo - good luck with your organising too! I'm a nurse so understand what you mean when you are literally at work all day you get nothing done and just feel you're playing catch-up all the time! Not that I have that excuse at the moment! So sorry that service cancelled on you it sounds amazing! Hope you can find someone else. Why did they cancel?

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Oooh. I just remembered. Have you looked at underceiling "storage"? Great with limited space. If you have really tall ceilings you can get a proper storage system in. With normal ceiling, run some shelves up by the ceiling.

Throw in some plants and it will be super cosy (pothos is just the best plant imho 😁)

Oh that looks interesting! My house is Victorian so I have very high ceilings!

@AlwaysLatte - sounds good. I work much better with a routine.
@loveinthe90s - thank you!

@Dillydollydingdong

Get someone in to do the cleaning and tidying. Then you can decide what to do about the decorating. He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care.

How has he done her a massive favour? They are his children too!

My DH and I both have autism and we genuinely just don't see clutter until it's unmanageable. Our brains are just not wired in that way. On top of that, I have a bit of a hoarding problem and I hate sending anything to landfill.

We aim to keep things clean and the floors clear. That's about as much as we can manage. We've accepted that we'll never live in a tidy home! My point is, I completely understand.

Did I mention that it's only us two living here?? We can't even blame the DCs!!

Glad you are sounding more positive 😁
Soon everything will have it's home and you will feel much better about it all.

@DoucheCanoe

" He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care."

He's the children's father - he's not done anyone a favour or "saved" them from anything by being a parent!

Yes, agree totally!!

I came on to say that my version of TOMM is saving my life and my sanity.
I am not NT. I live with a not NT DH and two children = both with an ASC. My house is a disaster zone and always has been. I find 'keeping house' utterly overwhelming because I want it clean and tidy but I just never know where to start!
I read about TOMM and looked at her blog before buying the book. I read the book and then hid it in a funk of anxiety - 30 minutes was not going to be long enough and I would fail and do it 'wrong'....... Plus she has different rooms to me so her schedule wouldn't work (I have a very inflexible brain and I am anxious about getting things 'wrong')
About 12 months ago I dragged the book back out and took on board some of her principles (although the things she achieves in 15 minutes I cannot so I don't) and rejigged it all so it works for me. For example I can't cope with the bathrooms not having a 'day' so my kitchen is my 'little and often' room.
I didn't do the Boot Camp and actually I didn't start in earnest until a few weeks ago. I do my 30 mins a day, tick off the jobs completed and start with the uncompleted jobs next time.
I am still struggling with the 'deeper clean' day as by Friday I am done in from pretending to be a functioning human being in public.
Also I am currently ignoring my kids rooms until the holidays.......
Instead of Boot Camp I have a list of 'missions' that DH or I can do at any point where we have time.

My house is almost visitor ready in the 'public' areas and I feel calmer and resigned to the fact that cleaning for 30 minutes a day is what I will have to do for the rest of my days.

@Dillydollydingdong

Get someone in to do the cleaning and tidying. Then you can decide what to do about the decorating. He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care.

They were looked after by their own father though? How is that a massive favour?