Just can't get on top of my house! Making me miserable!

[UndertheCedartree]

Due to medical reasons I was unable to live in my house for 3 years. My DC were cared for by their DF at my house (i.e - he lived there with them).

When I moved back in a year ago the house was not in a good state. Aside from not being overly clean and in need of decoration the whole place needed organising. Every room was cluttered and messy. And it aside of being much cleaner and some decoration started it is still very cluttered and unorganised. On top of this my DC have picked up habits from their DF like not throwing their rubbish away, doing their own washing up or tidying toys/art supplies. They are 14 and 9. I am worn down with it - I hate living in this state but just can't seem to get on top of it! Any tips as to how I should tackle this?

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I don't even work full time but somehow it still takes over. Sometimes I get a quiet couple of weeks contracted hours only and ny usual shifts. Then inevitably there's sickness or holiday or staff leaving to cover and even a small amount of overtime can suck up your whole day. I'm not a morning person so by the time I've done the school run I need a coffee or two to realky wake up. Couple of loads of washing and a bath later somehow it's time to go again

Its a vicious cycle isn't it. You don't have time to properly finish a job so it's best to not start it rather than be unable to move in the lounge fir 2 days. But the longer you leave it the longer it takes to get done so you have to wait until you have a solid uninterrupted day to do it which if course never happens.

Inevitably you sit there staring at it all wondering where to start whilst never actually starting.

They cancelled because apparently they are too busy and if I accepted the quote they gave me when they came round they'd not be able to fit me in. Not sure why they couldn't have told me that before we arranged the visit rather than the day before they were due..I only called Monday or Tuesday so not sure what happened 🤔

They seemed so lovely on the phone too I was honest about what I wanted they knew it was a big job before they agreed to come round.

Sorry that you are struggling, its hard when you see things getting out of hand but cant see a way to fix it. Our houses have been used more than ever before over the past nearly year and a half. They have become places where we have prepared and eaten most if not all meals, our recreational spaces, classrooms and work places. It will take its toll, added onto that is that you have had illness and a child with additional needs, it must have been a hard time for you. Go easy on yourself, you will get there. Little by little

@JeffVaderneedsatray

Are you me? I was reading your post and nodding along!

@Dillydollydingdong

Get someone in to do the cleaning and tidying. Then you can decide what to do about the decorating. He's done you a massive favour by looking after the dc for 3 years, saving them from having to go into care.

Favour? He’s their father…

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Oooh. I just remembered. Have you looked at underceiling "storage"? Great with limited space. If you have really tall ceilings you can get a proper storage system in. With normal ceiling, run some shelves up by the ceiling.

Throw in some plants and it will be super cosy (pothos is just the best plant imho 😁)

All I see is somewhere else to collect stuff and dust

Real Life Organising. Great book. Easy to read. I found it super helpful. Still not quite there but lots of progress. Good luck!

@JeffVaderneedsatray - thank you for that - really helpful. It's interesting people talking about not being NT or having ASC. Myself and my son are both Autistic and I also have EUPD which can cause problems with Executive functioning too. I guess I should cut myself some slack! Like you I struggle with getting it 'wrong'. I have a terrible problem with starting something but if I miss a day I have done it wrong and struggle to start again!

@Whatwouldscullydo - I totally understand the way the school day just goes by in the blink of an eye! Even more so since Covid and I have to leave to pick my DD up at 2.20pm. When I get back from the school run I always have a coffee and try to do a bit of mindfulness. Then I have my breakfast. I often then get distracted with something...and it's 2.20pm!

@Hysteriawhenyourenear - thank you that's really kind

@Lostmarbles2021 - I'll check it out - thank you

Get rid of anything that is actual rubbish first. Take a refuse sack through the house. Take it straight out. Put a new one in the bin.
Do all washing up and put away. Don't worry about organising the cupboards at this point. If it can't go away put it somewhere in the kitchen.
Gather dirty clothes and start washing. Put clean clothes away or at least in the correct rooms.
Clean the kitchen.
Clean and organise the bathroom.
Move on through, tackling what you feel inspired to.

And I find watching hoarder, minimalist, and cleaning You Tubes inspires me if I'm feeling like I can't be bothered.

No advice just sympathy as I’m in the same boat op.

I feel the same so much OP. My twins are disabled and nearly 5 - we’ve lived here since they were 10 months old and we’ve just accumulated so much stuff it’s insane. I haven’t had time to sort through stuff they outgrow, toys with missing bits etc so everything has just gone into the loft, under the stairs, shelves overflowing, double buggy on the landing, giant tower of boxes in our bedroom, huge pile of stuff that needs taking to the tip at the end of the garden etc etc.

I sorted out some shelves last week. Took several hours but looks much neater. Next week when the boys are at school I’m going to sort out under the stairs and sort into charity / selling / tip. I need to be ruthless. We want to move house in the next year and we need it to be tidy and not cluttered!

I’ve also decided to get a cleaner as my hours are being increased at work. I have some physical health issues so cleaning exhausts me and then I don’t have the energy to sort things. I need to declutter downstairs then I’ll get a cleaner to come in to clean the downstairs and bathroom. Hopefully things being cleaner and tidier will help me feel a bit more motivated to continue.

Try to pick the room which really bothers/overwhelms you, and tackle that first. Would it make you feel calmer if you sorted out your own room, so that at least you end and begin the day in a less chaotic environment? You could start by sorting your own clothes/boxes, possibly that is more achievable as it doesn't involve negotiating with anyone else.

Has anyone mentioned Marie Kondo? I find her a bit irritating, but the strategies for decluttering are great. And once you start, it becomes easier

Our house is clean and tidy, but mostly because we don't have much 'stuff'. It's incredible how little you really need

Beware of findings lots of ways to create more storage! Better to start off with getting rid of around 25% (YMMV...) first.

I'd say focus on keeping what is really useful and/or enhances your quality of life. Then get a cleaner in to give the place a good clean. Then organise what's left.

Only then start decorating, one room at a time, making sure that's done before starting the next project.

Going forward once this is done, 20-30 minutes a day, focusing on tidying rather than cleaning, is the way to go, plus a 2-hour blitz once a week.

As for the kids and their reluctance to put their stuff away, given their ages I'd be tough: no dinner until XYZ is done.

With the kids having a routine eg put dirty clothes in wash, collect dirty dishes and wash them could help, or having a timer so that it’s clear what ‘done’ is you can ask them to do their bit. Both the children are old enough to do most household jobs, but you might need to set expectations, show them what to do and ensure it’s done (which I know is exhausting). With decluttering i found Marie Kondo method (getting all the same type of item together from around the house and sorting by category) good, but also with the kids putting all their stuff from around the house into their room after which sorting the other rooms could happen.

I would beware of the Kondo approach if you're a bit overwhelmed.
Taking out everything of one category is a recipe for disaster unless you have a big clear space and a really long stretch of uninterrupted time.
You can end up in a worse state than when you started.
I swear by the onion approach. Layer by layer. Work on gradually making space going through the rooms. Then on getting things into existing storage. Then deciding what you want out, that isn't put away ( answer = as little as possible so you don't need to clean it all the time). Then sort your storage areas.
Don't increase storage. Decide on a space ( eg one cupboard for all cooking items) and don't exceed it.
The make sure you haven't got excess furniture now you have pared down, and make sure you haven't crammed nooks and crannies.

I would beware of the Kondo approach if you're a bit overwhelmed.
Taking out everything of one category is a recipe for disaster unless you have a big clear space and a really long stretch of uninterrupted time

I would agree with this although I found the mindset of only keeping things that bring you ‘joy’ really helpful in getting rid of the ‘just in case’ stuff cluttering up the place.

@FindingMeno - thanks for the tips!
@SinkGirl - my loft is a project in itself. I need to get a skip to sort it! I want to get a cleaner too but as you say need to declutter first Disabled twins must be a real challenge...sounds like you're doing really well gradually getting things done.

@maslinpan - having my room really nice would definitely make me feel better. But it is the worst room! It is the dumping ground! I thought about it today and I think the only way to do it will be to get everything out from the floor into the bathroom and then sort and organise from there. My DD has her wardrobe in my room and bags of off-season clothes. She also comes in my room to watch TV and brings toys and art supplies in too! I'm continually returning things to her room but there still always seems to be her things in my room!

@notanothertakeaway - believe it or not I am actually fairly minimal. I used to have few clothes however due to medical issues I have gained weight and had to buy clothes in bigger sizes so now have lots more! I am losing though so don't want to get rid of small clothes. I also have a fairly minimal amount of things in the kitchen. I used to have one folder for paperwork. But over the last few years I have gathered folders and folders of paperwork! However my DC have tonnes of stuff! Clothes, books, toys, games, art supplies, cuddlies. I fully admit I buy lots out of guilt because of being absent.

@FlowerArranger - I think you're right I do need to get a bit tougher with the DC - they are old enough to pitch in!

Thanks, everyone for all the tips!

it will be to get everything out from the floor into the bathroom and then sort and organise from there.

I wouldn't recommend it, you are at great risk to create even MORE mess and be even more disheartened with a bathroom you cannot use!

Take things from the floor one at a time, but deal with them one at time!

Start using a time. Maybe 15 minutes.

And do nothing else but tidy what you started until it rings! You'll soon be amazed how much you achieve when you don't waste time on social media, fiddling with music, making a cup of tea, walk from 1 room to the other..