When did you know you wanted kids?

[Dannyandsandy]

I’m 27 and have zero desire to have a baby. I’m curious as to what age I’ll be when I’ll have this “sudden urge” to have one? I don’t know if I’ll ever reach an age where I’m willing to give up everything I’ve worked hard for. I’m starting to feel afraid that I’ll never feel any desire for it and perhaps leave things too late? So what age did you decide you wanted a child and what persuaded you to do so?

I’m 31 and have been 90% sure I don’t want children. I’ve never had the urge and don’t see it in my future when I consciously try to imagine it. I’ve always been open to taking on board any urges and consider it if the urges came but they still haven’t even now loads of my friends have kids.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to have children. It’s not the only pathway for your life as a woman.

I knew I wanted a child when I found out I was pregnant, up until that moment I was ambivalent. I suspect
listening to an episode of Woman’s Hour where I was 33, where they talked about fertility diving of a cliff after 35 gave my subconscious a nudge.

You know, it's OK not to want a child. It doesn't make you a failure, or weird. So you don't necessarily need to "worry" about not feeling the urge.

At 27 I assumed I would have kids in the future when the fancy took me. I'm 40 now and it still hasn't, so I guess it's too late. That's fine though, it would be foolish to have a child you didn't want.

For me having children was never a choice, it was a fact as far back as I can remember.

But there is no right or wrong decision, just what makes you the happiest.

Try to picture your life at 90 and looking back. Would you regret not having kids, or having them ? Maybe spend time with friends who have kids and try to see whether you can imagine being in their shoes ?

*I mean it was a fact I was going to have them.

I didn't want children but my dp did. After we'd been together for a few years, I agreed to try for a child. No desire on my part but we were in our early 30s, I felt that I'd done my fair share of travelling and clubbing etc so if parenthood was that important to him, I'd give it a go.

I got pregnant pretty quickly, had very mixed feelings about the pregnancy and then had a miscarriage. As soon as the miscarriage happened, I was full of hormones and desperate to be pregnant again. It was an overwhelming urge.

It took a very long time to get pregnant again but it happened eventually. I've now got an 18 year old dd and have loved being a mum.

The only serious partner I had before my dp, didn't want children either. I'd decided when I was still at primary school that I didn't want to have children and that never wavered so if I was still with him then I'm pretty sure that I would have been child-free now. I would still have been happy, just in a different way.

Never. I'm 57.

It's not compulsory, you know?

Don’t have children if you go to want them. There is nothing worse for a child than being unwanted. And there is no reason you should want one

Some people have an instinct to be a mother and don’t, and that’s fine.

As to when did I know I wanted to be a mum? Probably by the age if 7 or 8, and I was counting down the years by the time I was 12

I thought I probably should as most people do. Actually liked them which surprised me! Couldn't be without them now but equally my life would be fulfilled child free too.

Always knew I wanted them from childhood onwards (and in no way feel that I’ve ‘given up everything’ to have them).

But that’s me. You don’t want them and therefore shouldn’t have them. You could change your mind, many people do, or you might not, many people don’t and are happy childfree!

Always thought I never really wanted children but then when I was 25 broodiness randomly kicked in and it was an absolute urge. Following a couple years of infertility treatment I now have DS who is 1. DH wasn't bothered about kids and if I hadn't got so broody we wouldn't have tried for one. Now he's got DS he is very glad I got broody though. We are totally one and done though.

When I was told I would never have them

@DorotheaHomeAlone

Always knew I wanted them from childhood onwards (and in no way feel that I’ve ‘given up everything’ to have them).

But that’s me. You don’t want them and therefore shouldn’t have them. You could change your mind, many people do, or you might not, many people don’t and are happy childfree!

That's me too. Always wanted children. So glad it happened. Changed my life a lot and fortunately it all worked out well.

However, it's not for everyone, and not something to do lightly, especially if your relationship isn't strong or your partner isn't looking like good parent material. Also, it would be good for the environment if fewer people have children. And of course not everyone meets a suitable partner/father at the right time.

I was never broody in the slightest and told my husband I didn't want kids. Have two boys now and wouldn't change it for the world. But I never did have a desire.

At 27 I had no intention to ever have children. In my early 30's considering my future we decided that having a family would be an interesting adventure and if we could one day have adult children coming home for Sunday dinner that would be something I would be happy with. I never felt broody at all ever, DH felt and thought the same. While trying to conceive we were in the fortunate position of not actually minding one way or the other if it was successful. It was the idea of the long term family life that we were drawn to.
We would have happily walked whichever path life took us down. Had my first at 34. Now we have 2 kids, are devoted happy parents, no regrets.

I was adamant no kids, then had a random change of heart at 40 and DD arrived at 41 fortunately.

I always vaguely wanted them - I remember being a little kid and thinking how much fun it would be to be a granny (I spent a lot of time at my grans house with my cousins while our parents were working).

Started feeling broody around 23 when my auntie and uncle came to visit us for 2 weeks with their 2 year old.

I sensibly waited till I was 28 to gave DS1 though.

I thought I wanted to start trying once I was married and as soon as I came off the pill, a biological urge took over and I was desperate.

I always knew I wanted them one day then once I was in a settled with DH (not married but with plans to) then I just felt that real urge, I saw my future involving children.
But @Dannyandsandy What do you mean by give up everything you’ve worked hard for? By no means do I feel I’ve given up everything by having DC

We always knew we'd have them 'one day'. I started to feel a bit broody when I was about 25. We decided to wait until after our wedding the following year, but then the timing wasn't right for me with professional exams, so we waited a bit longer.

It kicked up a gear when I turned 29, and we were ready and financially stable, so came off hormonal birth control expecting it to take a while for everything to level off. The next month i was pregnant. I love being a mum and I'm currently expecting our second.

I also have a friend a bit older than me at 37, who says she'll have them if the urge strikes her, and it hasn't as yet. It doesn't for everyone, some of those people have them anyway and some don't. You feel how you feel.

Early 30s here. Didn’t want them. Accidentally had one. It’s ok. Still don’t want anymore.

After a rubbish relationship in my late 20s I accepted that maybe I'd have children (if I met the right man) or maybe I wouldn't and that either would be ok. When I met my DH at 33 I knew I definitely wanted children with him and now have 2 young DCs. Its hard work but I love our little family!

When I was about 14. Grew up, met DH in my 20s, got a flat, and it seemed like the right time.

It was when I met my DH. That's when I knew. I never wanted marriage or children before him! Now I love being married and being a mother.

Its okay not to feel that urge. Having a child is the biggest life changer ever.

Always wanted them but didn’t feel ready until I was about 34.