When did you know you wanted kids?

[Dannyandsandy]

I’m 27 and have zero desire to have a baby. I’m curious as to what age I’ll be when I’ll have this “sudden urge” to have one? I don’t know if I’ll ever reach an age where I’m willing to give up everything I’ve worked hard for. I’m starting to feel afraid that I’ll never feel any desire for it and perhaps leave things too late? So what age did you decide you wanted a child and what persuaded you to do so?

@Dannyandsandy

I’m 27 and have zero desire to have a baby. I’m curious as to what age I’ll be when I’ll have this “sudden urge” to have one? I don’t know if I’ll ever reach an age where I’m willing to give up everything I’ve worked hard for. I’m starting to feel afraid that I’ll never feel any desire for it and perhaps leave things too late? So what age did you decide you wanted a child and what persuaded you to do so?

I was similar at your age and then by 28/29, I was told it was unlikely I'd ever have a child. At 34 ish I randomly mentioned egg freezing and joining a list for a sperm donor. But didn't get the real "urge" really for another year or two. It took me until 38 to conceive from the point that I'd decided I wanted to, so about 2 years.

It could have been biological clock ticking, but I also think that I was happy with the way I'd lived my life, had travelled a lot, had a a great career, was secure, etc, so was actually willing to give up everything for an entirely different direction and, for me, it was the best choice I ever made!

I was basically ambivalent having been told at 18 I would be unlikely to conceive and it didn't devastate me in the same way it would've some of my friends, it was a shock and I felt robbed of choice but I was never the little girl playing mummies and daddies and looking after the dollies. I had lots of ambitions in my life but I never desperately wanted to be a mother like some people I know.
We didn't get married until I was 33 and I knew about fertility post 35 plus my diagnosed issues, I just thought we'll give it a go and if it doesn't happen we'll have a plan b (it involved lots of travel and a boat), as it transpired I fell pregnant very quickly and I'm very happy I did, I love DS more than I thought possible. If it hadn't happened honestly I think I would've been disappointed for a while but I wouldn't have endlessly pursued treatment (friend has been doing IVF for ten years and I knew I wouldn't want that), I have no urge to have any more. Given my line of work and DHs, I think eventually we would've offered respite or short term foster and probably still will after DS leaves home, but for older children/teens.
I think for some people they dream of being a mother, and know that from early on, I spent so long actively avoiding pregnancy, sex without contraception felt very dangerous in a way.

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

When I was pregnant and not a day beforehand.

That’s early, I didn’t know until my first baby was actually born

I didn't want children until I met DP at the age of 27, when I suddenly found that rather than "wanting a baby" I specifically wanted his baby and to be a family. I adore DS (born when I was 31) completely and believe that I'm a good mum, but I'm not naturally maternal and have no plans to have more DC, either with DP or if that relationship were to end, with anyone else.

Always, from being a young child. But I didn't have my own as we experienced infertility. We eventually adopted instead which is the best thing I've ever done but I didn't "give up" anything for them as I was only a SAHM while on adoption leave and have worked part time in a senior position in my chosen career ever since.

@ifonlyshesaid

I think it's so brave of you to admit it here.
Your feelings are valid. We all make mistakes and it's unfortunate yours is more painful than average.
But because of your guilt I bet you worked harder to be the best version you can possibly can than so many.
you love your kid despite what you wanted.
that's real strength and sacrifice.
you deserve a fucking medal.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Thank you, you're very kind

Early in my pregnancy, when I had a bleed, Until that point, I was ambivalent at best and took a huge gamble, Now I can’t imagine life without DD, she’s ace and I love being a mum.

I was crazy broody as soon as I started my periods age 14 or 15 to be honest. Had three children by 30. Can't handle any more so definitely done, I find parenting children and teens hard and relentless but I still am weak around babies and wish I could do the baby age again. If I pass a newborn I go weirdly mushy and yearn to just take it and hold it. It's not conscious at all. I know many people have not felt broody and still enjoyed parenthood, but if I didn't have that uncontrollable broody instinct I can't see why anyone would choose to have them! I'm quite jealous of those that don't have that.

When I fell pregnant whilst on the pill and then 3 weeks after finding out thought I was having a miscarriage. Thinking I was losing the baby made me realise I absolutely did want to have her, I was 29. She’s now 2.5 so all was fine in the end x

I knew I wanted to be a mum one day from when I was young. I really felt the urge to go for it at around 31/32.

However, I think it’s really unhelpful when people say patronising things to women like ‘you’ll get the urge and want them one day’. Because loads of women don’t, and that is absolutely fine. There are lots of very good reasons not to have children (‘I don’t want to’ being right at the top) and it’s a perfectly valid lifestyle choice.