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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When did you know you wanted kids?

86 replies

Dannyandsandy · 01/07/2021 04:56

I’m 27 and have zero desire to have a baby. I’m curious as to what age I’ll be when I’ll have this “sudden urge” to have one? I don’t know if I’ll ever reach an age where I’m willing to give up everything I’ve worked hard for. I’m starting to feel afraid that I’ll never feel any desire for it and perhaps leave things too late? So what age did you decide you wanted a child and what persuaded you to do so?

OP posts:
ViciousJackdaw · 01/07/2021 18:34

I’m 27 and have zero desire to have a baby
Neither did I at that age.
I’m curious as to what age I’ll be when I’ll have this “sudden urge” to have one?
Not everyone had this 'sudden urge'. I certainly didn't and remain childfree at 44.
I don’t know if I’ll ever reach an age where I’m willing to give up everything I’ve worked hard for
That's OK
I’m starting to feel afraid that I’ll never feel any desire for it and perhaps leave things too late?
That's OK too. Because you don't have to have children at all.
So what age did you decide you wanted a child and what persuaded you to do so?
I have always known I didn't want them. There wasn't a specific moment when I thought 'No', I've just never been interested at all. Didn't even like prams and dollies as a child.

PivotPivotPivottt · 01/07/2021 18:38

Always knew from a young age I wanted children. As a young teenager I used to wish for a baby and would pretend in my head I had one. I just had a strong urge to have a baby and I fell pregnant with my first a couple of months before I turned 2. I still had the urge until I fell pregnant again aged 25. I'm 30 now and I love both of my children so much but I do envy the lives of child free people. My youngest has been a shock to the system and I find motherhood hardwork and a slog at times. I will never ever have another child I have no urges or broodiness whatsoever.

Mollylikestodance · 01/07/2021 18:43

I had zero desire to have children until I was 31 and the I SUDDENLY did. It wasn't that I was anti-children, I just had no desire and it wasn't anything I ever spent any time thinking about, just living life and focusing on career/romance etc.

Then it hit me like a truck and here I am now with 2 kids 😂

meow1989 · 01/07/2021 19:01

I always assumed I'd have them, set dh and I various "trying" deadlines but something always came up. We bought our house, got married and had nearly 2 years just the two of us then felt ready. Fell quickly and even then panicked about whether it was right! Ds is now 3 and where I imagined I'd have 3, we may well be "1 and done" as we are ticking along beautifully as a trio, I assume I'll know if I want another when he starts school and feels kore grown up.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 01/07/2021 19:09

Never had a strong urge. Just always knew I'd have kids when the time was right. And that was when everything else was in place -

So we'd talked about trying as soon as we got married, were completing on our house and basically just knew it was the next stage/chapter

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 01/07/2021 19:16

Never. Nothing about parenting looks fun to me. DH left it up to me as he was very ambivalent about it
45 and don’t regret it for a minute, nor does he.
Choosing to stay child free is a valid choice.

NecklessMumster · 01/07/2021 19:17

I was always ambivalent, having kids or not having them seemed equally terrible. Then I hit 39yrs, met DP and got absolutely floored by broodiness which was pure hormones and nothing to do with intellect, body over brain, had 2 babies in 13 months

Chikapu · 01/07/2021 19:28

You might never get the urge to have them, I never have and I'm 52.

TheWashingMachine · 01/07/2021 19:31

I always wanted them and as a child was always caring for pets, injured birds other children. I made no secret about it, probably scared off a few men. DH used to say I was a baby botherer. I now have two and I love them to bits.

GirlAloud · 01/07/2021 19:36

Not everyone decides they want a child at all. I didn’t, and I have absolutely no regrets.

In the 21st century, having children is one lifestyle choice among many. So is not having them, and it’s a completely valid choice.

Zealois · 01/07/2021 19:38

I'm 29 and don't have kids yet. I was always unsure of whether I'd want kids in the future. Then, I was about 26 and went on a few dates with a guy who kept mentioning how he'd never want children ever and it was being punched in the gut? I can't explain it but ever since then I've just 100% known I want kids. Not for another few years though.

Ifonlyshesaid · 01/07/2021 19:44

Never wanted children, even looked in to getting tubes tied in my 20's as I really didn't want to get caught out.

Doctors refused and refused snip for husband.

They told us we were too young!!!

Had two abortions while using contraception then when I got pregnant the third time while on the pill I just gave in.

I've never reconciled myself to it.

Love my child but hate my life.

Trinacham · 01/07/2021 19:49

I knew when I was a little girl. I've always had that maternal desire. I'm 30 now and only just pregnant, but only because I wanted to wait until we were financially secure first, and paid most of our mortgage off. DH and I met when we were teens.

babybythesea · 01/07/2021 19:49

Always. I knew from about the age of 13 or 14 I wanted them. Used to daydream about it all through my teens. Could easily imagine myself playing with them etc.
It didn’t stop me from having my life - I went to university, got a good job, ended up running my department and was very happy in my work but was always slightly jealous of people who fell pregnant. I didn’t have my first until I was 32 so my desire didn’t exactly lead to early pregnancy! As much as I wanted them, I knew I wanted to have done a couple of things for me first, and I knew I wanted to be able to give them things and properly care for them too.
My career has definitely taken a nose dive but I don’t care. Having kids can be hard but it has completed me in a way I can’t quite explain. I am still me, and have my own interests, but I have them too. And while I miss the gorgeous newborns and the toddlers they were, I love hanging out with the people they have become.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 19:51

I was never one to consider having or not having kids.
it was just not something I thought about until I met DH.

on our 4th date he invited me to meet his brother & family.
after dinner he gave his niece & nephew a bath and it was such a lovely scene to watch I thought "he'll be a great dad one day".

After that I started pondering about maybe one day we'd have kids.
And we did. a whole bunch of them.
My instinct was correct, he was the right guy for it (and for me).

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/07/2021 19:51

When people in my life (sibling) had one and I became more aware of it all. I was in my twenties. I didn't want one right then and didnt feel broody etc but knew that for me a "family" meant children, I couldn't picture myself aged 40 without at least a couple.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/07/2021 19:52

Also it was related to meeting the right bloke. DH was good with kids and seeing that the person you love is good father material does nudge things along.

lynsey91 · 01/07/2021 19:54

@Ifonlyshesaid

Never wanted children, even looked in to getting tubes tied in my 20's as I really didn't want to get caught out.

Doctors refused and refused snip for husband.

They told us we were too young!!!

Had two abortions while using contraception then when I got pregnant the third time while on the pill I just gave in.

I've never reconciled myself to it.

Love my child but hate my life.

That's so sad.

Me and DH decided we didn't want children and our doctor said we were too young to make that decision and would change our minds. We were 28 and 25 (DH is younger than me).

We went private and DH had a vasectomy. We are in our 60's now and have never regretted that decision

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 01/07/2021 19:55

When I was pregnant and not a day beforehand.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 19:57

@Ifonlyshesaid

I love my kid but hate my life

that's heartbreakingly sad.
some told me the exact same thing 19 years ago when we met at baby swim class.
She was lovely and seemed so happy that
her honesty and pain shocked made me cry. I think if her often and I hope her life got better.

sending you so much love

Ifonlyshesaid · 01/07/2021 20:00

@lynsey91

If I'd had the option to do that I would have, believe me!

My husband is actually an amazing father and I appreciate that in him. I also work hard at being a good mother but I've got a lot wrong.

My upbringing wasn't the best and while I've tried not to pass that on some of it has inevitably seeped through into my parenting.

It's all guilt, anxiety and no joy for me I'm afraid.

And my career has tanked because of that anxiety. I feel like a shell of a person.

My child also has special needs so it's even harder.

Ifonlyshesaid · 01/07/2021 20:01

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@Ifonlyshesaid

I love my kid but hate my life

that's heartbreakingly sad.
some told me the exact same thing 19 years ago when we met at baby swim class.
She was lovely and seemed so happy that
her honesty and pain shocked made me cry. I think if her often and I hope her life got better.

sending you so much love[/quote]
Thank you. My child is almost an adult and it's been really, really hard.

I've tried my best but it's not good enough and they deserve better.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 20:03

@Ifonlyshesaid

Sad I just wanna hug you.
Nicolastuffedone · 01/07/2021 20:05

I’ve never wanted children, not for one split second! From as far back as I can remember, I knew children were never going to feature in my life. I’m in my 60’s now and I’ve no regrets whatsoever.

Ifonlyshesaid · 01/07/2021 20:08

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@Ifonlyshesaid

Sad I just wanna hug you.[/quote] Thanks. I feel so shitty saying it 'out loud'.

I'd never let on in real life.