When did you know you wanted kids?

[Dannyandsandy]

I’m 27 and have zero desire to have a baby. I’m curious as to what age I’ll be when I’ll have this “sudden urge” to have one? I don’t know if I’ll ever reach an age where I’m willing to give up everything I’ve worked hard for. I’m starting to feel afraid that I’ll never feel any desire for it and perhaps leave things too late? So what age did you decide you wanted a child and what persuaded you to do so?

I’ll expand. I never really wanted them, I saw them as a lot of work, a massive burden and life limiting. Then I accidentally got pregnant. My husband was absolutely over the moon. On paper, we were good candidates. The pregnancy shock hit me hard. I got very depressed. I was terrified about being lumbered with being the default parent, losing my fitness, losing my identity, etc…
Pregnancy progressed, my depression settled down and I embraced it. I get being extremely active, stayed fit, stayed healthy. I had to have a lot of intervention. A lot of tests. Lying on bed after an amniocentesis and wondering if I’d be one of the unlucky ones to either miscarriage or have to consider having a termination made me want to keep that baby more than anything.
The baby was born and I strangely took to it quite naturally. I was very relaxed in the role. And I enjoy it very much.
I still work hard and have my own life. I made damn sure I’m not the default parent too, and it’s working out well.
I wouldn’t change it but I still have no desire at all for another.

I was 33 when I had my first. When I started trying I was 32 and to be honest I only started giving it a go because my husband was so keen. I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage and after that miscarriage o became desperate for a baby.

Having children wasn’t something I was mad keen about for various reasons, once I got to 28, I wanted a baby, so much. I can’t even explain how overwhelming the feeling was for me. I had DS1 at 29 and DS2 at 31. Having my children has totally made mine & DH lives, no regrets whatsoever. My two are 20 & 18 now, I would do it all again if I could.

I always knew I wanted dc.

I’m always envious reading these threads and seeing women who just knew. It was such a point of turmoil and conflict for me but I wouldn’t change it now.

I'd always envisioned children in my future, but that massively accelerated when I was told, at 27, I'd likely be infertile. Then the urge was overwhelming. Fast forward 5 years and I have 2 healthy and happy kids.
I do wonder whether I'd I hadn't had a diagnosis of endometriosis whether I'd have had the same urgency.
I know 3 of my closest friends who aren't sure they want kids and I can totally see the appeal of being childfree by choice. More time, money, energy, sleep. Its horses for courses and definitely massive pros to both.

I've always known I wanted children. Probably since about 15. I wanted a career first, so that's what I did.

I was luckily enough to get pregnant first time TTC and got pregnant and had my son at 26.

I'm 28 now and I love being a mother. If you do not have a desire then you shouldn't put pressure on yourself. I think there is a lot of pressure on women to have children. Especially when people say 'when are you going to have a baby?' Like it's a thing every women has to do to fulfil her role of being a women. You don't have too, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Early 30s. I had one at 35 and have been unable to have another but I feel very lucky to have her.

I never wanted children in my 20s or most of my 30s. I was 39 when I longed to hold a baby of my own. I've had two miscarriages and now over 20 weeks pregnant at 40. I did lots of holidays and felt I had lived a fulfilled life so far and felt ready for a new chapter. Now I'm pregnant I've never felt happier in my life.

Never, although still only 28. Knew as a child I didn't want any, but still talked about how many I was going to have, names, etc, because I thought having children was compulsory (and because that's what my friends talked about). Was late teens when I finally realized I had a choice, and the relief was massive. The older I get, the stronger my desire not to have any becomes!

Like others have said you don't have to have children.
I always wanted children from a young age. I got pregnant by accident though at 26 which was a shock but I would have had children anyway.

I always knew I wanted kids when I was older. Got to the age of 31 and I'd been married for 6 years and my exdh told me he never wanted kids (we'd been talking about having them for the last 13 years) - left him that night. Met my new partner and we started trying immediately but was diagnosed with breast cancer! The chemo left me infertile according all the tests - so we reconciled ourselves to a life of dogs - then 2 surprise pregnancies later I have amazing 4 and 6 year old (and three dogs!). But, kids are super hard and change your life completely so only do it if you're sure.

I never felt an overwhelming urge to have children. I assumed that maybe one day I would... But I cared far more about animals than babies!

I got married at 35, so quite late I suppose. My DH had been divorced and already had two children. We decided I would stop taking the pill and just let nature decide what happened. I had a baby 2 years later. If I hadn't have got pregnant, we would not have pursued IVF or anything.

I had no desire to have children & was convinced I wouldn’t, plus had no friends with kids & neither my job or my lifestyle suited having a family. A few months after I turned 30, I suddenly decided I did want kids & was pregnant within a week (I realise I was lucky in a lot of ways that it happened that way but it was a big shift to decide & then get to grips with!). It certainly surprised everyone I knew! I was having way too much fun in my 20s to even consider it & I’m glad that impulse didn’t arrive until a bit later tbh.

I was always on the fence. I wanted kids in some abstract way in the future but was never ready. When we got engaged at 24, we discussed timelines for kids and said that a year after getting married would be good (so 27). 27 arrived and we weren’t ready and so we pushed back to 28. We then pushed back again to 30. As 30 approached (and then the pandemic hit) I was still unsure, still on the fence. I was on the verge of having the chat with DH that I wanted to push back another two years. Then my period decided to lose all regularity and be 3 weeks late, so I did many pregnancy tests all of which were negative and I was just disappointed. So we decided to actively try.

In our discussions over time though we’ve moved from the standard two kids to both 90% certain we only want one (although we wait to see how we feel after this one is here). You don’t have to have kids. If you do decide kids are for you, you don’t have to have 2.

It's different for everyone and lots of people never have them. I never wanted children but that changed when I got serious with my now husband and when my friends started having children but even then I went from not wanting them to on the fence. If you're a logical person rather than just ruled by emotions it's a difficult choice as there are lots of downsides as well as the positives.

However I'm curious as to why you've phrased it as 'giving up everything you've worked hard for'. I still have a career I enjoy, still go for nights out, still go on dates with my husband, still see friends, still have hobbies, etc. Although a lot of stuff was paused due to the first 18 months for each due to breastfeeding. I am a similar weight to pre pregnancy. The only thing I feel like I've truly given up for the time being is relaxing exotic holidays.

When I saw the positive pregnancy test and not a moment before!

We weren't really bothered in the early days of our marriage, I overheard our Mothers talking and my mother said Oh they'll not want children, they're enjoying life too much! Which was pretty true, we were living abroad, sun, sea and whatever.
However as I got to about 27, been married 7 years as one did in those days, I remembered a friend who discovered at 31 they had left it too late and her husband took cyanide in the lab where he worked. We decided to see if it worked and it did, fairly quickly!

I was 35/36. Had been with my partner about 6 years.

Never wanted kids, I have never had any interest or broody feelings. People kept saying it would hit me one day, but no. I see friends and family with children, and as lovely as they are, it just reaffirms my feelings that it’s mo

Sorry! That it’s not for me. I’m 40 now so can’t see anything changing.

Always.
Even as a child myself I was deciding on names.

34ish. Up till that point I really didn’t want kids. My husband pretty much said let’s try for a baby and so we did. I found out a few years later that my dad has spoken to DH and told him that the best thing he ever did was having kids. That persuaded DH and he persuaded me. It’s one of the best things we’ve done (so far!). Btw I met my DH at 27 and we spent years living abroad, travelling and building a business. Children weren’t on our radar really until 7 years later.

I was 30.

Before that no urges whatsoever