AIBU? We don’t want anymore children?

[Unknown1989]

Me and DH are both in our 20’s we have a lovely DS who is 10months and DH and me agree we are ‘one and done’.

We have agreed that a vasectomy will be the best option in 5years time but close family and friends seem horrified with the prospect. Advising me on copper and coil instead.

We understand a male vasectomy is more permanent than other options. But it is permanent protection we are after. I’m not usually bothered by other peoples opinions but the comments of ‘you will want another one’ is really bugging me. And that my child will be lonely?

Will you provide a cleaner and cover childcare costs? Will you aid my body in the 9months I carry another child? Will you be there with all the mental and physical challenges we face with another child? No.

I understand everyone has a right to their own opinion but why do people feel so entitled to have their views on the course of other peoples lives?

If I did want ‘another’ I would know and we are giving ourselves 5years to make that decision.

AWBU?

Not unreasonable at all
Start telling persistent offenders that you prefer anal now

Why the hell are you discussing your contraceptive choices with family and friends?

People feel entitled to provide you with their views because you’ve discussed it with them. It’s nobody else’s business so stop telling people.

It's none of their business. Do want makes you and your husband happy .

I wouldn't have discussed this with family and friends.

@BornIn78
Close family and friends, we discuss as adults going through the same stages in life, not random people. And I guess if I am sharing I should expect some biased judgement. It’s just that I’m always respectful of peoples decision and more so if they felt comfortable enough to share it with me. Each to their own I guess

I don't understand why you or your husband are discussing a) your contraception or b) his personal/medical business with other people! Just don't tell anyone, then no-one will comment.

Don’t discuss things you don’t want an opinion on. People will always give one.

I didn't discuss it with people. Especially not a bloody vasectomy. When people ask if I'm having anymore kids, my answer is a simple 'Fuck no!'. If they don't take that hint I like to regale them with my birth stories (including the bits where me and kids almost died). That usually shuts them up.

It is totally up to you and not your family.

However, I was one and done when DS was 10 months, due to being knackered, him not sleeping etc. Suddenly got v broody when he was about 18 months old and now have two. Definitely done now though!

You just don’t need to discuss it. I can’t imagine why you would. We only plan on the one too but that’s certainly not up for wider family discussion.

I’d cringe myself inside out as an adult woman discussing long term contraceptive choices with my immediate family.

I guess everyone is right. I forget how opinionated people can be.

@Shoxfordian best answer for the future people who ask ‘when’s the next one due’

Yanbu in the slightest and I say that as someone who is trying for baby 2. It took a year to conceive DD so I’m not super optimistic but I’d love for it to happen.

However, I have friends who have fixed ideas about their families, notably my friends who don’t want kids at all. I’m mid 30s now and at the tim (when we were late teens/early 20s) I remember my mum saying ‘they’ll change their mind...’.

Yes some people change their mind but the world is more accepting of people doing their own thing - whether that’s none or one or seven! And I am very happy to live in that world, even if I do just want the standard two

We were the same, no regrets only having one. DH had the snip which was fantastic as we no longer had to worry. You might struggle to persuade your GP though as you are young and only have one child. I'm not sure how old you will be in 5 years but OH had to be quite insistent in his very early 30's.

@SmidgenofaPigeon I’m sorry you don’t have a close enough relationship with your siblings

I hated everyone commenting on my choice to stick to one kid. They eventually give up once your kid gets to about 7. Ignore them!

@Unknown1989 to discuss my plans for contraception with them?

I’m not quite sure how that has any bearing on a close or distant relationship, really.

@SmidgenofaPigeon something that may seem weird to you, may be completely normal for someone else. We can be so narrow minded as to expect everyone to share the same ‘comfort’ levels as us. Or the world will be a boring world

DH and I are absolutely 100% done after having 2, however I feel vasectomy is such a permanent solution. I worry about something happening to me or DH ever being in a position where he is in a relationship with someone else who would like children with him. This isn't as rare as you'd think. I wouldn't want to give him that future heartache.
If there was some kind of device they could shove up him that meant he wasn't fertile for a few years but was then reversible I'd be all for it but there isn't.
So I'm looking at a coil for me but very not thrilled about the prospect...

Ok, well you do you, all I’m saying is if it bothers you that your family don’t agree with your stance, it isn’t actually necessary to discuss it at all.

@PaySeeWhiTa

That’s the internal dilemma I am also facing. I wouldn’t want that potential heartache for DH.

I was one and done until dd turned 6 then I realised I was apprehensive about doing it again but that I did want to have another

None of anyone else’s business.

I would be cautious given your age and your child is still so young. You might change your minds.

However you might not. I said when I was pregnant I was only having one and I haven’t changed my mind yet (4 years on). I’m older though so don’t have time on my side.

@SmidgenofaPigeon I won’t go to the ins and outs of how the discussion sparked. It was appropriately discussed if that is your worry. But thank you for your response, I agree with you better to not share at all

Just don't tell anyone. We have 3 and after the last one my husband had a vasectomy but we didn't tell anyone. Then again we didn't tell anyone that my third pregnancy almost killed me and our son.
Don't tell people things and they can't offer an opinion.
Interesting that you and your husband have decided not to have anymore but are waiting five years just incase.

@Rosebel
The 5year wait is so the GP are a little easier to persuade, given our ‘young age’ to not be capable enough to make a confirmed decision right now