What nonsense do you have to do/fake enthusiasm for in your job?

[Whatapalavaa]

I'll go first. Performance manage based on utter nonsense criteria that I don't really care about but have to pretend to be oh so serious about. Pretend to care about our mission statement and our organisational culture. Yawn. I sit in meetings wondering if anyone else is seriously buying this crap or rather putting on a good act like me. Anyone else?

[quote RainbowBriteUk]@coffeewithcheese what an amazing job you have! I'd love that![/quote]
It's actually a clinical placement and I'm gutted at the idea of the end of it - but I love the chaos and the sheer randomness of what I end up chatting to kids with.

I really have found my level in terms of the amount of random video game and geek culture related shite I had filed away in my brain over the years! (I'd kill for a job there long term)

Teicoplanin levels. I really cannot even begin to describe how little I care about teicoplanin levels.

Thing is I do actually buy into SMART goals as they are the opposite of waffly vague ones..

Thank god I don’t have to do this anymore. We had one person who I knew from another setting who came in to do training and I was on edge waiting for her statement phrase to come so I could stop playing workplace bingo with myself. Sure enough, eight minutes in we were being told we were going to “unpick and unpack” whatever it was we were being re-educated about.

Phew, I switched off after that because all I had to do then was think of a generic phrase to use in the plenary to express my extreme joy —that we could go home— that my eyes had been opened.

@VillanellesOrangeCoat

Faking concern & taking the issue seriously with staff who complain that they’re “not paid to deal with this”, when it is literally what they are paid to do. Mediating trivial issues like should the radio/air con be on or not when I couldn’t give a flying fuck. And don’t get me started on the blue sky thinking we’re asked to do in meetings.

The irony when the whole point is that you are also being paid to deal with the stuff you are moaning about.

I know some of corporate life is boring, but really, these posts mostly seem like whining from fairly well paid corporate workers, it's not exactly the coal mines.

I'm currently having to feign enthusiasm for coming back into the office three days a week. I'd much rather skip getting up at 5am to dodge the traffic and stay WFH. I'm a director though, so senior enough to have to set an example

Maths.
Hate it. Kids love it.
They look at me like I’m an utter moron with my enthusiasm for English.
You talk it, use it ,read it all day long. Bloody quadratics or linear somethings…not so much.

Currently performance managing a member of staff, bloody awful. The HR process is unbelievably long-winded, she doesn't listen, and it's honestly so emotionally draining I'm being driven to drink every day I have to deal with it.

@good vi ERS

@Takenoprisoner

My manager is so enthusiastic and engaged it's exhausting. Is that a legit annoyance? She is genuinely passionate, i think I'm just jelaous of her perfect life

yup deffo

Try working for an environmental charity. Every meeting there was wittering about grasping the green nettle. Self important puffing out of chests and constant policy meetings. Only good bits were the breakfast meetings with croissants and posh coffee when a campaign was won. (paid for out of membership fees)

After the amount of fake enthusiasm I’ve had to muster every time my toddler shows me her latest poo I don’t think anything at work really phases me anymore.

I love my job (running a food bank), but every few months a group of uni students turns up ostensibly to ask about how we work, who we support etc and within five minutes let me know that they're going to start the same but do it better because they're going to be inclusive, work with people who are hard to reach etc. And then usually show me how their food bank will have an Instagram page and people can refer themselves on there. I nod sagely and mumble about digital exclusion before sending them on their way. Nothing ever (ever) comes of the project. Usually they fall out with one another in some sort of proto-Corbynista gender-bending fury.

@LEMtheoriginal

KPIs and targets, selling loyalty schemes and havomg our performance assessed on how much money we generate.

I. COULD. NOT. GIVE. LESS. FUCKS

This made me laugh

My old company was like that. KPIs and all that bollocks . Complete and utter bullshit

@rockingthelook

Doing mandatory appraisals with people who don't give a shit and surprise surprise neither do I , not interested in prising out what people think about their job, what they can bring to the role etc etc. they just turn up for the money and let's not pretend otherwise eh?

Exactly. It is mega-tedious having to pretend otherwise!

Any number of dress down and "fun" charity days. Jeans for Genes, Christmas Jumper Day, Red Nose Day, Children in Need, McMillian coffee morning, Red Card for Racism, Pride week etc etc etc

I don't mind giving to some charities, but don't force me to join in your fun or wear/buy themed outfits. None of which can be said out loud without being accused of not being a team player.

This thread made me smile, so thank you.

I'm currently job hunting, and the phrase 'there is an exciting opportunity...' going on to describe a life that is basically sending emails and attending unnecessary meetings makes me want to remain jobless.

Feign a neutral or contemplative expression when someone launches into a tirade that can be summarised as "who is responsible for achieving this task?" in every single meeting. Instead of laughing my arse off because EVERYONE is doing the same thing in EVERY meeting, trying to dodge any accountability at all. Thank goodness for remote working and the mute button.

Having to pretend to give a shit about who said what to whom in what secret meeting and what power plays are going on etc. I don't care. Genuinely do not give a flying monkey's.

Continuous improvement - the stress of always having some project on the go.
Stats - never actually told what they show/ why I am spending ages on them
Psychological safety
Resilience - we’ve just got through a bloody pandemic. I don’t need anyone telling me to try & get 8 hours sleep a night. I am resilient.
The stuff via colleagues & organisation on Twitter - give it a rest. Walk the walk.

I often wonder if I need to fake it more & just buy into whatever the latest organisations buzz words are if I want to go any further rather than being cynical. Is that what my colleagues do.

@OverTheRubicon
The irony when the whole point is that you are also being paid to deal with the stuff you are moaning about.
I know some of corporate life is boring, but really, these posts mostly seem like whining from fairly well paid corporate workers, it's not exactly the coal mines.

Oh I’m sorry, I mistook this for a lighthearted tongue-in-cheek thread and responded as such.

There’s nothing ironic about it. I am paid (a mediocre public service wage) to plan a service, not to referee adults who can’t talk to each other like the grown-ups they are about what radio station to have on.

Ohh another one!

I have to be excited they have brought in a very well paid 'Change Consultant'.

Whose makes a plan, then hands it off to the Transformation director, who has been too busy to take on any projects in the last 4 years. And hasn't landed any projects in the whole time he has been here. Which is the 4 years.

But when talking to the change consultant we have to be enthusiastic and excited and 'engaged'. Whilst knowing nothing will change.

@WillYouDoTheFandango

I have a science PhD. You have to have a science PhD for my job. I spend my days filling in forms for people and making them lists of jobs that they have to do in a certain piece of software. This software has a task list function but that would be too easy.

Today I googled someone’s photo for a client to put on a slide. I had to rewrite my email so it didn’t sound sarcastic.

Omg, you are me in my last job!

Hearing about the importance of anti bullying training from my utter bitch of a manager.

(and attending said training, which was two hours of 'it's nice to be nice' apparently aimed at 5 year olds).

@Crolisd 🤣🤣🤣