Do you secretly envy anyone, and why?

[Menora]

I secretly envy someone I know. It is massively unreasonable and ridiculous and I never tell anyone about it or say anything to her because it’s embarrassing

She seems to be living the life of Riley off of gov bounce back loans, you would think she won the lottery, not that she has a fairly new fragile business to grow. I envy the fact that I worked all through the pandemic really hard doing a mostly boring job, and still don’t have more money or holidays, she partied, sold overpriced naff tat and is always having a great time.

I think I envy the fact that she is very YOLO and I am straight laced and a boring worrier.

What is there to 'envy' about taking out loans and the long hours of building a business? Nothing wrong with being sensible either.

I think I concluded she’s just living in/for the moment, whereas I’m not. I don’t know which is better but I envy her freedom (financial and self employed) whereas I’m sure maybe it will catch up with her, she doesn’t seem worried about it.
I would like to be more like that but I worry about finances too much!

I'm not usually an envious person, but I have a cousin who hasn't worked since he was in his thirties, he is now in his sixties. He has been supported by his parents and then his wife. Many excuses about why poor Arthur couldn't work. My uncle received an extremely surprising inheritance of millions very late in life. Aunt and uncle moved in with cousin and his wife, paid the bills, cousin's wife quit her job. When my aunt and uncle passed away they inherited said millions and are living very well. It bothers me a bit that I feel this way about them.

I don't envy anyone.

but I wish I had more energy

Did you get this impression off Facebook? Or by engaging with her?

I don't think I envy anyone as an overall package.

View those 'envious' emotions as a sign to make some changes in your life. They are there for a reason and it's probably more about being dissatisfied with your own life than wanting to swap with her.

I envy loads of people...I think it's a completely normal emotion. I mean I'm not sitting at home sobbing because I want to be them but yeah of course I see people with things I'd like. I envy a girl I went to school with...she has a house with a pool and is stunningly beautiful

I'm going to bring the tone of the thread down now, but I envy the able bodied. I just really really want to plan a day where I could walk and it wouldn't be an issue. or I could take the bobble from around my wrist to tie my own hair up and I didn't need to ask DP.

People who still have a waistline.

I do envy a woman I know. She has a great job and can work from home once a week, lots of friends, a very happy marriage and lovely, bright kids. But she has colitis and her daughter is coeliac so not a perfect life but in many ways I envy her a lot as she has a lot of love in her life as well as success.

I also think envy must be somewhat normal, I think as long as you aren’t using it to hurt someone or letting it eat you up it’s normal? I think I recognise that it’s envy, I feel like I could let it make me a bit judgemental of her so I was asking myself why I feel that way

I completely understand @LST my envy is absolutely nothing of the same kind, and I can see why you would feel that way. It must be hard to feel that way and nothing you can do to change it.

I don’t want to swap with my object of envy, I would worry myself to bits having her lifestyle! It’s not just from FB no.

Yes I envy someone now and again, she has an amazingly successful business, lovely house, cute kids, beautiful garden, time for hobbies, loads of friends, lots of date nights/weekends away, is effortlessly slim and stylish. I don’t know how she fits everything in to a 24 hour day!

I find envy quite motivating, if someone gets a promotion and I'm jealous I channel it into my work, if someone posts a picture looking very slim it'll make me reflect on how I'm looking after myself. I don't think a bit of envy has to be a bad thing if you can utilise it. It's when it's something you can't obtain for whatever reason that can be quite stifling and you have to find a way of managing that so it doesn't consume you, envy like that can't do anything for you so that's when you have to practice gratitude for what you do have. Not always easy.

Not really. I know everyone is human and everyone shits and pisses so nobody is worthy of envy really.

@FindingMeno

I don't think I envy anyone as an overall package.

I think that's fair. I have moments of envy of a friend who is more successful and prolific in the creative field in which we both make a living, but at the same time, I don't want to have produced the work she has, and I also recognise that many things in her personal life are more difficult than mine -- two children and a DH with additional needs, estranged from her (awful) parents and sibling. So I certainly don't envy her as a package.

Yes! When I was 20 I worked with a girl who I got on really well with and we've stayed in touch mostly through social media for the past two decades.

I got pregnant, moved in with the dad, he turned out to be a twat and I've bounced between being single, re married, divorced again, fat, thin, fat again... she lives the life of Riley, no kids, never married, moved to Dubai, fantastic salary, loads of mates, amazing holidays, kept her gorgeous figure.

Annoyingly she's absolutely lively but my god I envy the path her life took sometimes

But no it doesn't eat me up. It's life a passing thought whenever she posts which isn't a lot. For all I know she may envy me for having kids

There are women at the stables who don’t work, have cleaners, kids in private school, wrap around childcare, husbands/partners pay for everything. They have fancy horse boxes and travel out to rides and competitions.

I keep a pony on a shoestring (i had her years before DC), juggle work, childcare and house stuff. I’m run ragged and constantly tired. Sometimes I envy the fellow liveries who have time and money.

BUUT- I have a pony, a fairly secure job, a home, a fab DC and I’m mostly happy -and someone out there may give anything for my life

No, I can't say I do or ever have really.

When I was younger I would sometimes feel wistfully that I wished I could do something (eg brave or clever), that someone else had done, but there was no malice in it.

I don't envy the whole package like people said. Sometimes I see a part of someone's life and wish I had that. But most people I know have shit things and good things in their life.

Generally I'm quite happy with my lot. I don't have a lot, but I have my family, my house, an income and my health. Which is definitely the most important thing.

I don't tend to envy people as you never know what's going on behind closed doors and how much of a front they put on.

I envy people my age who still have their parents. My parents were older when they had me, and I have been parentless a long time.

I’ve found that whenever I envy people and get to know them I find out that their life is just as tricky as mine but just in different ways.

I work with a woman in her late forties who is tall, slim and has a metabolism like a furnace. She eats whatever she likes and she always looks amazing. I’m short, fat and I only need to look at a Mars bar to put on half a stone 😭