Do you secretly envy anyone, and why?

[Menora]

I secretly envy someone I know. It is massively unreasonable and ridiculous and I never tell anyone about it or say anything to her because it’s embarrassing

She seems to be living the life of Riley off of gov bounce back loans, you would think she won the lottery, not that she has a fairly new fragile business to grow. I envy the fact that I worked all through the pandemic really hard doing a mostly boring job, and still don’t have more money or holidays, she partied, sold overpriced naff tat and is always having a great time.

I think I envy the fact that she is very YOLO and I am straight laced and a boring worrier.

I’m not an envious/jealous person really but I do feel a pang of envy when I see families where the dad is really hands on with the kids and it’s obviously an equal partnership. I’m a single parent but H was never amazing in that way so idk what it’s like

@dottiedodah

I think lots of people have apparently nice lives! However when you drill a bit deeper things not always as they seem!

This

However good we think someone else's life is, it never is how it seems to us

My cousins: they are all loaded as my uncle "married well". All have had houses (expensive ones) bought for them and totally renovated/extended throughout. They don't, however, grasp what it is like for the rest of us "normal" people as they have no concept of worrying about money. I mean, DH and I have good jobs, earn well and are about to buy a spanking house but we will also have a large mortgage and have worked for every penny of the deposit we are putting down. I envy them and the ease with which they live their lives.

My DPs ex for getting there first.

I envy practising Christians. It must be such a comfort to be able to believe in a God of love with a mysterious but coherent plan for you and the world.

Sometimes envy is stupid. I desperately another friend her eight acres. Yet I don’t have the time to devote to making my little back garden as perfect as I would like, so what I’d do with eight acres, I don’t know.

I envy circumstances rather than people

Friend A - Was given £150k by her grandparents for a deposit when she bought her first home at 24. Her parents then lent her the other £100k so she didn’t need to get a mortgage and have to pay interest. That’s SO fortunate.

I envy those who have lots of family support with their children. I have next time to none and it makes even the everyday things so much harder. Tomorrow I’m going for my Covid jab with 3 small children in tow.

I desperately envy another friend her eight acres, that should have said

Not for quite some time, everyone has a facade of some kind and things can easily go bad.
We're having a pretty good phase at the moment and things are looking up for us so thankfully not feeling insecure about anything.

Literally anyone who looks good in clothes. So basically everyone I see. I do not look good in anything because I am fat.

Not a person I know, or any specific person really. People who have boundless energy and motivation. People whose kids do what they're told without having to use every parenting technique known to man. People who have perfect skin. I envy those bits.

@FuckUcuntychops

Literally anyone who looks good in clothes. So basically everyone I see. I do not look good in anything because I am fat.

I thought your post was going to end with ‘But I look better naked!’

@LST

I'm going to bring the tone of the thread down now, but I envy the able bodied. I just really really want to plan a day where I could walk and it wouldn't be an issue. or I could take the bobble from around my wrist to tie my own hair up and I didn't need to ask DP.

This. Arthritic hands that will only get worse and have had since my mid-40's.

Really hard when I had small children, cleaning is so painful and I now can't write, holding a pen is a no go... thank God for phones and keyboards!!

I watch women older than me with beautiful long, straight fingers and wistfully put mine behind my back or in my pockets.

Anyone who has the luxury of choosing not to work. Mainly those who can fill their day with self care and the gym. Also anyone who is a healthy weight, I look like a dumpling.

@Scaredycat87 I do roll my eyes at some of the stuff, yes...but I suppose everywhere has its problems and if someone's never lived anywhere else they don't have a basis for comparison. I do think people take lots of things for granted though.

I have and do still envy lots of people for lots of reasons, but mainly from social media posts. In reality if they’re people I know, during real life conversations with them, I realise they have lots of issues like most people, and of course post the best bits only. I also know people that exaggerate a lot, like telling everyone her partner ‘whisked her away’ for a romantic surprise break to New York when I knew for a fact it had been her idea and they’d planned the trip together. A lot of people were envious of her having such a romantic and thoughtful partner, but once you know the true story, it’s just a normal thing a lot of couples do (albeit the expense part).
I’ve had people envy me for little things, like ‘how do you get such lovely photos of your children? I wish I had such well behaved kids”. Of course I tell them I took 100 photos on a rare day out, and posted the best few.
I genuinely think if I stopped using social media, I wouldn’t really be envious, because it’s seeing everyone’s photos that makes me that way. I just wouldn’t know about most of it without that.

On the face of it you would think I have the perfect life:
Beautiful, clever children
Gorgeous £1m+ house
Dream car
Slim
Groomed
Perfect clothes
Don't have to work but do because I love it
Husband earning in top 1%
BUT
I am afraid of my husband
Feel completely unloved
Feel sad almost all of the time, but have nowhere to go and no one knows
Parents are dying

If you are loved and feel safe you have everything.

@NK5fd36457X11218d61631 hope things get better for you

@breadfortea

I envy people my age who still have their parents. My parents were older when they had me, and I have been parentless a long time.

Same here. I’m in my early 40s, and most people I know have healthy parents, who are able to spend time with their grandchildren, maybe even do some childcare. Sometimes that’s hard to see.

@ohnonotyetplease

I really envy people who had a happy upbringing and a healthy loving relationship with their mum, particularly. It affects every area of the rest of your life as an adult when you don't receive the love and guidance you need as a child, when you're a child

@ohnonotyetplease I’ve been reading the thread wondering what I am most envious of in other people and have been thinking about holidays, material goods etc. but you have hit the nail on the head for me. My relationship with my mum is a source of ongoing disappointment to me (maybe for her too) and I do envy friends who have nice relationships with their mums. I don’t want to be her best friend, just enjoy her company, but I don’t.

I had a “friend “ I met on a ski trip . We were chalet room mates for the week . Lovely girl and I got along great with her. Fast forward 10 years later and she’s still on my social media even though I’ve not seen her since . She’s in my husband’s university friend group so there is a slight connection there . I never thought much of her for years however we fell pregnant with boys at the exact same time and I started comparing myself to her . I felt like shit . She’s the type of person who posts the perfect Instagram pictures and her life looks amazing . I can’t stand Instagram accounts like that . I like real, not perfect . And that’s the type of people I like to surround myself with too . So I deleted her . I felt a bit ashamed that I let her get to me like that . I found out recently from my husband that her life is far from perfect.

@NK5fd36457X11218d61631

On the face of it you would think I have the perfect life: Beautiful, clever children Gorgeous £1m+ house Dream car Slim Groomed Perfect clothes Don't have to work but do because I love it Husband earning in top 1% BUT I am afraid of my husband Feel completely unloved Feel sad almost all of the time, but have nowhere to go and no one knows Parents are dying

If you are loved and feel safe you have everything.

Leave, i left a man who was well on his way to destroying me. I have a simple life, house, job. Im better than ok though. It's real. Please value your freedom and safety and leave. Xx

I typed up a long list about how I envy a friend who has a paper-perfect life, but I also know her well enough to know that behind the scenes she's still human and has problems and worries and failures.
There are probably things she envies about my life that I take for granted.

The grass is always greener