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Original poster

Do you secretly envy anyone, and why?

98 replies

Menora · 30/06/2021 17:40

I secretly envy someone I know. It is massively unreasonable and ridiculous and I never tell anyone about it or say anything to her because it’s embarrassing Blush

She seems to be living the life of Riley off of gov bounce back loans, you would think she won the lottery, not that she has a fairly new fragile business to grow. I envy the fact that I worked all through the pandemic really hard doing a mostly boring job, and still don’t have more money or holidays, she partied, sold overpriced naff tat and is always having a great time.

I think I envy the fact that she is very YOLO and I am straight laced and a boring worrier.

OP posts:
DK123 · 03/07/2021 02:11

I envy people who are fit and healthy and are able to walk well. I don't have any negative feelings towards them for it, but it makes me feel worse about myself.

ohnonotyetplease · 03/07/2021 09:10

I really envy people who had a happy upbringing and a healthy loving relationship with their mum, particularly. It affects every area of the rest of your life as an adult when you don't receive the love and guidance you need as a child, when you're a child

hellywelly3 · 03/07/2021 12:42

Thanks I’ll look at that

Confusedandshaken · 03/07/2021 12:51

I once remarked in front of an 8 year old that I was envious of someone who was going on an amazing holiday. He looked at me very seriously and asked me "Are you jealous or envious?' I thought a bit and said I thought I was just envious. He nodded and said 'So you wish you were going too but you are glad for them and wouldn't want to take it away from them?' It's was the best description of the difference between envy and jealousy I'd ever heard. That astute little lad is a Oxbridge graduate now.

peboh · 03/07/2021 12:58

I'm envious of people that don't seemingly have to work for nice bodies 😅

Rubyupbeat · 03/07/2021 13:03

People who still have their parents, I miss mine so very much.

Newmumatlast · 03/07/2021 13:35

Not really but there is one couple I know who work in same area as me and yet seem to manage to have a massive house, loads of expensive holidays flying business class etc and I'm more intrigued as to how they manage it

Roomonb · 03/07/2021 13:40

Not specifically, but I do envy people who get loads of childcare help! Am knackered!

StillCalmX · 03/07/2021 13:55

I have only read your op but i wouldnt be jealous of somebody on any kind of sw payment. They're precarious, you're answerable to box ticking bureaucrats, you have to let them look at your finances.

Im jealous of confident people who can promote themselves more easily than i can. I have missed out on promotions and seen people who are not better but who believe they are better. One of those people isca bully. That really stung, that a bully is seen as having better people management and interpersonal skills 😥

Im kind of envious of my mum's denial. She has been really hurtful to me but never acknowledges it. She never experiences a moment's self-reflection. It's all everybody else's fault. It must be nice for her to never feel responsible for anything she did, to never ever feel any accoutability.

I feel mired in accountability.

StillCalmX · 03/07/2021 13:57

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

I don't envy anyone.

but I wish I had more energy

I can really relate to that! I feel jealous so rarely that i am aware im impervious to being "spurred on" by what's going on around me. 🍷
StillCalmX · 03/07/2021 13:59

@ohnonotyetplease

I really envy people who had a happy upbringing and a healthy loving relationship with their mum, particularly. It affects every area of the rest of your life as an adult when you don't receive the love and guidance you need as a child, when you're a child
Oh this Xx
wheresmymojo · 03/07/2021 14:14

I don't envy people because you never know what's happening to them.

I think some people could have been envious of me in my 20's...I was fairly attractive, six figure salary in the City, going on luxury holidays and always looked very well presented.

In reality I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and was on my way to a four month stay in a psychiatric hospital. I also had an abusive father, an emotionally neglectful/borderline abusive stepfather and was horrifically lonely and felt unloveable.

Now...less people would envy me because I earn half my previous salary, don't go on luxury holidays and am very fat but I'm happy, contented and much more enviable in reality, just not from appearances!

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 03/07/2021 14:22

I envy my husband's best friend. She was on the scene before me and I'm not remotely concerned that there will ever be anything romantic going on. But she is more beautiful, slimmer, more successful, cleverer, more dignified and more emotionally stable than me and I sometimes feel like he makes comparisons. She has a huge house, had a fairytale wedding, an amazing career, has millions of friends and generally does everything sooner/better/more extravagantly than we do. But she's also a lovely person, and I love her, and I wouldn't want her to be unhappy.

dottiedodah · 03/07/2021 14:31

I think lots of people have apparently nice lives! However when you drill a bit deeper things not always as they seem!

bishbashbosh99 · 03/07/2021 14:32

People eating pizza and stuff without caring and or just people who don't get fat by looking at it Grin

Bumpsadaisie · 03/07/2021 14:36

I think envy is a kind of defence against having to really look at yourself decide what you want and do all the hard work of changing.

We can be so caught up in envy that we don't have to think about what we would actually like to do/have.

When it comes down to it you probably won't want to be self employed @Menora

But envying her stops you having to think about what you actually DO want and what a lot of work it might take to get there.

2klightyears · 03/07/2021 14:36

I would not call it envy, but there are people who've sailed through life, and I'm happy for them, and sometimes I wish I could have some of that.

Of course, I recognize that things are not always as they seem either.

Outwardly it looks like I've a nice family, money, heath, job but it's been a really tough slog, and I still have some big issues I'm dealing with.

minipie · 03/07/2021 14:39

I don’t envy exactly.

But I do compare, and sometimes feel crap about myself by comparison.

Especially people who seem to have loads of get up and go, juggling demanding job, active social life, constantly organising things for family/friends to do. I only know a handful of people like this but I am in awe of them and do wish I could be like that. I just don’t have the energy.

igelkott2021 · 03/07/2021 14:59

@LST

I'm going to bring the tone of the thread down now, but I envy the able bodied. I just really really want to plan a day where I could walk and it wouldn't be an issue. or I could take the bobble from around my wrist to tie my own hair up and I didn't need to ask DP.
That puts things in perspective.

I envy people, don't we all? Whether it's because they're having a great holiday or have a great job they enjoy or "perfect" children who never put a foot wrong. But I imagine people envy me for certain things too. None of us have perfect lives. But we generally all have something someone else would like.

ReluctantNomad29 · 03/07/2021 16:28

I envy people who are able to have comfortable lives in their own country. Like my friends who were born in the Uk, grew up in nice houses, their parents, siblings and extended family all live nearby and they can all get together, they have roots and community. They've never experienced extreme poverty or extreme political/social upheaval or had to flee their country or experienced being an immigrant (of the unpopular kind, rather than an "ex pat")
I'm not sure if it's envy as such, I just think it must be nice.

Scaredycat87 · 03/07/2021 16:53

@ReluctantNomad29

I envy people who are able to have comfortable lives in their own country. Like my friends who were born in the Uk, grew up in nice houses, their parents, siblings and extended family all live nearby and they can all get together, they have roots and community. They've never experienced extreme poverty or extreme political/social upheaval or had to flee their country or experienced being an immigrant (of the unpopular kind, rather than an "ex pat") I'm not sure if it's envy as such, I just think it must be nice.
Mumsnet must infuriate you then.

The number that think this country is in the pits really have no grasp of the situation in other developed countries (developing needless to say).

Let me guess… SA?

bishbashbosh99 · 03/07/2021 18:18

@igelkott2021 thank you for your post. And I'm sorry that mine was superficial bullshit!! Eye opening. Wishing you loads of good stuff to come!!

bishbashbosh99 · 03/07/2021 18:19

Shit sorry mine was to @LST xx

trilbydoll · 03/07/2021 18:30

I've recently discovered my handsome colleague has a pool in his garden, in a much sunnier climate than the UK, so right now I'm envious of his wife Grin

As pp have said, I might be envious of one single factor but it's rare to meet someone who's life is perfect in every single way, most people have something rubbish to deal with.

hookiewookie29 · 03/07/2021 18:31

I envy my best friend because she's just gone down to part time hours. Sounds a ridiculous thing to be envious about, I know. We're both the same age- in our early 50s- and di the same job. Her husband has just had a great promotion so she's been able to reduce her hours and eventually retiring in a couple of years. Dye ti my husband not being able to work due to health reasons ( not husband fault at all, and he hates it), and because I lost some business ( self employed) due to Covid, I've had to increase my hours and take on more work. At thus time in my life I wanted to be winding down, not up.