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Original poster

Do you secretly envy anyone, and why?

98 replies

Menora · 30/06/2021 17:40

I secretly envy someone I know. It is massively unreasonable and ridiculous and I never tell anyone about it or say anything to her because it’s embarrassing Blush

She seems to be living the life of Riley off of gov bounce back loans, you would think she won the lottery, not that she has a fairly new fragile business to grow. I envy the fact that I worked all through the pandemic really hard doing a mostly boring job, and still don’t have more money or holidays, she partied, sold overpriced naff tat and is always having a great time.

I think I envy the fact that she is very YOLO and I am straight laced and a boring worrier.

OP posts:
FlamingoYellow · 01/07/2021 20:01

I definitely envy parts of people's lives but I wouldn't want to be them.
I envy my SiL who is a natural beauty, has an interesting and well-paid job with reasonable hours, is incredibly intelligent and can speak 4 languages. She is a fantastic mum and makes her kids clothes. Her house is immaculate and tastefully decorated. Otoh she is married to my brother, so no one's perfect Grin.

CommanderBurnham · 01/07/2021 20:08

Every dog has its day. She's having hers. You will have yours of you haven't already
I'm sure you have a lot to be grateful for and that others would be envious of.

MadisonMontgomery · 01/07/2021 20:08

I envy one of my friends who has a very large close-knit family, including grandparents still. I know her life isn’t perfect at all, but sometimes at Christmas etc when I’m scrabbling to find someone to spend it with I do envy her.

FourTurnings · 01/07/2021 20:13

Actually I don’t envy anyone.

I might envy a specific thing e.g. someone I know going on holiday to a place I’d love to go to or coming into a load of money, but only for a passing moment.

But then I consider myself to be fortunate and maybe others might envy me, I guess.

Drivingmeupthewall · 01/07/2021 20:16

Do you really envy her? Or do you just want us to bash her to make you feel better?

Original poster
Menora · 01/07/2021 20:43

No I am jealous - I wish I wasn’t such a slave to work sometimes, went out and had more fun
I don’t agree with some of the things she does but it’s her money and her business and if it goes wrong that’s down to her!

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 01/07/2021 20:48

I was really envious of my cousin.
Big 6 bedroom house worth over a million, a second house she’s selling, own successful business, engaged, always on holiday, always the best of everything. I haven’t seen her for years.
Anyway we met up recently in bad circumstances and I admitted that I was envious. She was utterly shocked and admitted how unhappy she was and how stressful life is

Honey12346 · 02/07/2021 18:39

I envy people who weight 10 pounds less than me as clothes looks better on them Grin

TheSunIsStillShining · 02/07/2021 19:06

The furthest I go is envying a certain band member in a japanese rock band for being gorgeous and being a more than great bass player. And for being in this awesome band and creating great music! Can't think of any one else ever in my life.
Oh and I do envy that bass player also for being 10 yrs younger than me.

imscaredpleasehelp · 02/07/2021 20:37

Following with interest

thepeopleversuswork · 02/07/2021 20:51

I know it sounds trite but comparison is the thief of joy.

No-one's life is ever as good as it looks and envy is just a reflection of your own self-criticism, nothing to do with the person who is the target of the envy. It's a supremely unconstructive emotion which serves no purpose at all. Not going to say I've never experienced it but I would fight it tooth and nail and I would certainly never express it: that's undignified.

CookieRoll · 02/07/2021 21:13

Question to posters who say they never envy anyone: (genuinely curious) How would one never feel envy? How do you push envious feelings away? Or do they never appear? Is it that you are always looking on the positives in your life?

Wide · 02/07/2021 21:26

I have always been abit nosey/fixated on another mums life, she's overly happy and confident and owns her own house, I'm not envious of her looks but I just would live to be one of these sunny people who genuinely look happy but then on the other hand i also find her annoying as do other people as she's abit of a swinging hair ponytail always has to be in the convo, setting up gofundme type even if it's not to do with her. Funnily enough I look presentable and I don't even mean it to sound braggy but I have to look smart for my job so my hair and makeup is always done and I bet people would think I have it all which I do because I have a family and marriage etc but I am always worried about money like so anxious it drives me insane living month to month worrying and nobody would expect that from the way I look

TheSunIsStillShining · 02/07/2021 22:04

@CookieRoll
I'm one of those you question. I really don't understand envy as I have never felt it. Look at my example - it's not even real envy. And I'm fully aware that he has worked his ass off to be where he is and he is hugely talented, which I'm not. So no envy, but I would like to be more like him - but also know that I am never going to be and have not done a fraction of work he has, so it's actually on me that I will be never close even.

As to how and why I'm this way.. good question. One guess I'd have is that I have experienced terrible lows and awesome highs. My life has been a rollercoaster. So I know from experience that it's not always as sunny as it seems from the outside and how outward appearances can be very false. Or I'm just wired weirdly :)

Maggiesfarm · 02/07/2021 22:17

@CookieRoll

Question to posters who say they never envy anyone: (genuinely curious) How would one never feel envy? How do you push envious feelings away? Or do they never appear? Is it that you are always looking on the positives in your life?
It just doesn't come into my head except for what I said in previous post. I probably felt jealous as a child at times, most kids do, but not as an adult.

My mother was a very jealous person which I found deeply embarrassing (she was good in other ways), perhaps I subconsciously made sure I wasn't the same. I don't know. I've seen people obviously jealous, they try not to show it but their face changes, and it disturbs me because there is really no need.

I can happily say I'm pretty sure nobody has ever been jealous of me!

Laiste · 02/07/2021 22:22

The woman in the school pick up queue who has a figure like kylie minogue and looks stupidly good in her shorts Hmm

Laiste · 02/07/2021 22:28

Ooh sorry! RTFT now, my post a bit flippant Blush

thebear1 · 02/07/2021 22:32

When my children were little I envied friends who had lots of free childcare. I think that is probably natural.

JaceLancs · 02/07/2021 22:39

I envy people in long term happy relationships
I envy people who have greater financial security often as a result of the above
I envy people who have both parents alive/helpful/not in need
I envy people who can maintain a healthy weight by greater self discipline than I manage most weeks

Hawkins001 · 02/07/2021 22:39

Not envy, anyone as I prefer me as me , even if I'm strange to the hills, although I do slightly think if only me, when you read x person won e.g. 18 million gbp, on the lotto, but other than that , when it comes to people I know, one of the lads suspects me and his lady have already shall we say, danced, with that in mind, I truly wounder with most couples I know, just how faithful their partners would be, given the charm and, psychological mind ego soothing, and the psychological vaults open and all the so called loyalty and faith in how strong their relationship is, fades, when temptation arises.

namechange90832 · 02/07/2021 22:54

The woman in the school pick up queue who has a figure like kylie minogue and looks stupidly good in her shorts

Not flippant, I'd totally envy her too Grin

Mymapuddlington · 02/07/2021 23:02

On a flight home from Portugal when ds was little there was the most stunning woman I have ever seen. She was perfect and was happy and laughing with her friends and I’ve never wanted to be anyone more.

hellywelly3 · 02/07/2021 23:50

I envy people who can be selfish, I wish I could be a bit more selfish but I just feel guilty! I also envy people who have parents who are interested in their grandkids and would help out with them, both sets of grandparents are very hands off.

Hawkins001 · 03/07/2021 01:30

@hellywelly3

I envy people who can be selfish, I wish I could be a bit more selfish but I just feel guilty! I also envy people who have parents who are interested in their grandkids and would help out with them, both sets of grandparents are very hands off.
Study the book called the 48 laws of power is quite good read, or the 33 strategies for war, by Robert Greene. These may help find tune some of your perspectives.
Jakarta · 03/07/2021 01:56

I don’t think I envy individuals, instead just aspects of people’s lives (so it’s not personal if that makes sense - could apply to large groups of people)

I envy people in a loving relationship, people who have decent jobs, healthy skin, ‘fit in’ and can socialise at ease (I have autism).

Sad but true is that it’s often the thing people take for granted that others are desperate for. I’m fact I’m sure others could be envious about some aspects of my life 🤷‍♀️