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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make nephew 1st birthday

89 replies

rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 15:51

I have already said we would go but since then dh has said the only week he can get off for the whole summer from work is the same week the party is so now we are thinking to try to get out of it but feel bad.

But not bad enough...

OP posts:
Original poster
rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 15:51

Meant to add so we want to go away for a week and that's the only week we would be able to go now.

OP posts:
MyFloorIsLava · 30/06/2021 15:52

If I was your sibling I'd be pretty peeved that you'd flaked out. Normally I'd say no big deal,.but this has been a god-awful and very isolated year for new parents.

MatildaTheCat · 30/06/2021 15:53

Just go. Send a gift, call and say happy birthday. Your presence will not be essential despite some posters on here taking mortal offence at similar transgressions.

tallduckandhandsome · 30/06/2021 15:54

YANBU, you can't give up a the only holiday week in the whole year for a 1 year old's birthday. He won't even remember!

tallduckandhandsome · 30/06/2021 15:55

@MyFloorIsLava

If I was your sibling I'd be pretty peeved that you'd flaked out. Normally I'd say no big deal,.but this has been a god-awful and very isolated year for new parents.
It's not flaking out, it's exceptional circumstances.
PurpleyBlue · 30/06/2021 15:55

Could you not explain it to your sibling and see what they say?

Original poster
rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 15:58

It's pfb. This dc is treated like royalty and we will be treated like the peasants who didn't come to the party for the rest of timeGrin
However I don't think I can get through school holidays without a break. If it wasn't the only week dh could get off we'd usually be there.

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 30/06/2021 16:00

Send gold, and the other 2..
Spelling isn't working today!!
Grin

MondeoFan · 30/06/2021 16:01

I'd go to the birthday support your sister and nephew, a 1st birthday is quite a big deal.
He won't ever have another 1st birthday

Sirzy · 30/06/2021 16:03

When in the week does it fall? If it’s the start or finish could you not do both?

Otherwise apologise and arrange to meet up for a second party when your back

PercyPiginaWig · 30/06/2021 16:04

Go on holiday and make sure you leave a present for DN.
If your sibling wants to be precious about a party that the kid won't even remember let them.

MilduraS · 30/06/2021 16:07

@MondeoFan

I'd go to the birthday support your sister and nephew, a 1st birthday is quite a big deal. He won't ever have another 1st birthday
You could say that about every birthday.
Maggiesfarm · 30/06/2021 16:07

Can you not go to the first birthday celebration and then have a few days away?

AuntieMarys · 30/06/2021 16:08

Go on holiday!! A baby's 1st birthday means nothing to anyone except the parents.

notalwaysalondoner · 30/06/2021 16:11

Go on holiday! It’s just a birthday party and he won’t even remember!

Wolfiefan · 30/06/2021 16:11

Enjoy your holiday OP!!
My first child had a “party” in the garden for his first. (We invited a couple of friends!)
Second child? Erm. Can’t actually remember.

JackieTheFart · 30/06/2021 16:11

I’d prioritise holiday over first birthday too.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 30/06/2021 16:12

Your nephew will neither know, nor care, that you aren't there.

Visit before or after your holiday. A first birthday isn't worth putting holiday plans on hold for, especially after the shitty year we have all had.

overwork · 30/06/2021 16:13

Take the holiday - you're mad to even consider not going! He's one, he couldn't give a fig.

todaysdilemma · 30/06/2021 16:16

Go on the holiday! And offer to spend some time with your sibling and nephew when back to do a mini celebration lunch. 1st birthdays are always for the parents, not the child anyway.

Original poster
rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 16:21

Its really expensive to go anywhere for a few days, it works out better to stay the week ie not much more at all for a few more days, also to start or end on a weekend is more expensive (birthday is on a Wednesday and holiday would be wed to wed)

We haven't had a whole week off since 2019 and dh wasn't expecting to be told no when he asked but his company has just taken on a big project which is why he can only have that one week as it's around it starting. If nephew was an age he'd remember us I'd be sad but I can't bring myself to be sad enough for this one Grin

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 30/06/2021 16:22

I can't believe people are suggesting that the OP give up her summer holiday for her nephew's party!

Irrelevant that the child won't remember it. The parents may be upset but would they really verbalise that they think you should forgo your holiday?? Go!

Send a card and best wishes Smile

lanthanum · 30/06/2021 16:24

Where is nephew - local or at a distance?
If the latter, bearing in mind that foreign holidays aren't very practical this year, maybe you could plan to have your holiday somewhere in that direction?

But otherwise, I think your need for a holiday trumps being at nephew's birthday party.

Original poster
rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 16:25

Thanks. I feel a bit better about it all now. Of course I'll get a even bigger guilt trip present and see them outside of the party.

OP posts:
Yennefer19 · 30/06/2021 16:29

Is the holiday in UK or abroad? If UK and your nephew’s birthday is on the first day (wed) could you pack up the car, attend the party and then travel to your destination so you can effectively still do both?

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