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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make nephew 1st birthday

89 replies

rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 15:51

I have already said we would go but since then dh has said the only week he can get off for the whole summer from work is the same week the party is so now we are thinking to try to get out of it but feel bad.

But not bad enough...

OP posts:
Starryskiesinthesky · 30/06/2021 16:32

I would prioritise nephews birthday and just have a few days away instead.

morticiiiaaddams · 30/06/2021 16:36

No way would
I give up the chance of a holiday for a
First birthday party during a pandemic where everything is scaled back anyway.

Anyone
On here saying you should miss or cut short your holiday are undoubtedly the ones who
Would expect people to do the same for them Grin

tallduckandhandsome · 30/06/2021 16:37

I think you will massively regret it if you don’t get away.

Metallicalover · 30/06/2021 16:38

Definitely go! If I said to my sis or vice versa that this is the only week for a holiday, I'd be like go for it!!
I'd probably arrange the birthday party for a day when all aunties and uncles could make it.
I'm assuming you'll see the child and give them a present and a card (which they will not give a hoot about!) and you can always say we'll do a little something to celebrate afterwards!

@MyFloorIsLava it's been a god awful year for everyone and people need a break.FYI I do have a little one! The world doesn't revolve around us!

BiddyPop · 30/06/2021 16:39

Holiday - drop nice present before you go, visit after you get back (maybe with a trinket/sweets from hols for DNephew). But take the holiday as that is likely to be far more important to DH and you overall (and any DCs you have).

Notonthestairs · 30/06/2021 16:39

First holiday in 2 years - and a pandemic- and your sibling will guilt trip you over 1st birthday party? Ridiculous.

Get a lovely gift and go on holiday.

Embracelife · 30/06/2021 16:41

First birthday is for the parents.

Child does not care or remember.

Do you want to attend the parents celebrating one year of being parents?
Was it a,year of trials and tribulation and exceptional parenting to commemorate? Do you really want to be there?
Will life continue if you just see them another time?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 30/06/2021 16:49

A baby's first birthday is just a family party it isn't for the baby. I wouldn't give up my only holiday for it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/06/2021 16:49

Absolutely no way I'd give up my only chance of a holiday for a week, for a few hours with a fractious overwhelmed baby who doesn't even understand what it's about anyway and is more interested in the wrapping paper. That, to me, is madness

MindyStClaire · 30/06/2021 16:49

I say go on the holiday (my DC2 is one next week). However, do bear in mind that it's been a shit time to have a baby, especially a first one, and many many milestones will have been missed. Make a big fuss and arrange to meet up as close as possible to the birthday. Make it abundantly clear that this is your only chance to get away and you're all exhausted after a year of home schooling, it isn't personal.

willitevergetwarm · 30/06/2021 17:12

I would go on the holiday. I'm missing my DGC actual 1st birthday day as holiday was booked so we were away before she was due, but she was impatient and came very very very early. I'm hosting her party a few days before though. Enjoy your holiday

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 30/06/2021 17:15

YANBU!
It’s a baby, he won’t give a shit and if your family see their arses over it, well, they are unreasonable.
Send a gift, not a guilt gift, and apologies.

Gladiolys · 30/06/2021 18:19

I have a pfb and I would be ok with my siblings missing his birthday if it was their only week for a holiday. Offer to visit with a present before or after your trip. You deserve a break, and the baby won’t care!

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 30/06/2021 18:27

@MyFloorIsLava

If I was your sibling I'd be pretty peeved that you'd flaked out. Normally I'd say no big deal,.but this has been a god-awful and very isolated year for new parents.
I'd be extremely pissed off if my sibling thought I should give up the only chance I had of a summer holiday to go to a party for a 1 year old, as precious as my nieces and nephews are to me. Everyone needs a break. Could you explain and offer to host a mini party just for your two families before you go?
Original poster
rosepetalbed · 30/06/2021 22:34

Ah that's the thing I've invited them all around for the entire nearly 1 year nephew has been on the planet and they refuse to come because pfb I live an hour away.
So of course it's me who gets to travel with my dc every time I want to see nephew.

Me and dh have decided we need this break and if they hate us then we'll have to live with it. I wouldn't have expected the same in return of course none of the above made it to my pfb 1st birthday but I didn't care as much so it's not really the same I suppose. We have ordered a million other presents now so hopefully it may soften the blow. Nephew is unbearably cute at least which makes everything better but I think I can live with myself here Grin

OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 30/06/2021 22:37

@MondeoFan

I'd go to the birthday support your sister and nephew, a 1st birthday is quite a big deal. He won't ever have another 1st birthday
Support them? As they go through the trauma of a first birthday party? I've heard it all
Newestname001 · 30/06/2021 22:44

@rosepetalbed

Ah that's the thing I've invited them all around for the entire nearly 1 year nephew has been on the planet and they refuse to come because pfb I live an hour away. So of course it's me who gets to travel with my dc every time I want to see nephew.

Me and dh have decided we need this break and if they hate us then we'll have to live with it. I wouldn't have expected the same in return of course none of the above made it to my pfb 1st birthday but I didn't care as much so it's not really the same I suppose. We have ordered a million other presents now so hopefully it may soften the blow. Nephew is unbearably cute at least which makes everything better but I think I can live with myself here Grin

Actually having read this post I say to do what you've decided. GO on holiday with the person who WILL remember and appreciate you putting him first!! Buy that indulgent present if you wish - but absolutely enjoy your recuperative week off with no guilt at all. Have fun, OP! 🌹

espressoontap · 30/06/2021 23:14

I'd be packing my sister's bag for her and insisting they go. They will be one! One! They won't remember a blasted thing.

Enjoy your well deserved holiday.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 01/07/2021 09:18

Me and dh have decided we need this break and if they hate us then we'll have to live with it.

Well done, right decision. Get them to open their own thread on MN complaining about Aunty and Uncle daring to take the only week holiday they can instead of going to PFB's first birthday, and we'll have a word....

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 01/07/2021 09:22

Honestly OP if you tell them now that you're away for that week they have plenty of opportunity to rearrange the party if it's so important for you to be there. It doesn't have to be on his exact birthday. If they throw a strop about it it will be the kind of pfb thing they'll look back and cringe on in a few years time.

MoiraNotRuby · 01/07/2021 09:23

Take the baby birthday gaslighting approach.

Go to the party exactly one week early - turn up in your finery with presents and balloons and fizz and flowers and insist they told you it was that date.

It wouldn't possibly be (actual date) as that's when you're away.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 01/07/2021 09:43

Haha or you could fight fire with fire if they're stroppy. Tell them you're going away that week and then then if they throw a strop throw an even bigger strop about them arranging nephew's party while you're away - how could they force you to miss this giant milestone.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 01/07/2021 09:52

@tallduckandhandsome

YANBU, you can't give up a the only holiday week in the whole year for a 1 year old's birthday. He won't even remember!
^ This.
BraveBananaBadge · 01/07/2021 09:56

Haven't read the whole thread but if you're open and honest about it surely your sister will understand.

My sister didn't bother with my DS2's first birthday and after that stopped bothering with DCs birthdays altogether. I'm a chicken and it hurt so much could never bear to ask why she wasn't interested (not in terms of gifts or anything, just a matter of wanting to see them on a happy occasion). So with that and some other unpleasant behaviours, our relationship is now really strained, I expect absolutely nothing from her now. If we'd talked it over it would have been fine - like pps have said, the child won't remember and there'll be plenty of attention from other visitors.

AliceW89 · 01/07/2021 10:02

My LO was one a month or so ago and I would have been mortified to know my SIL and her family had forgone their one chance at a summer holiday to come to his birthday party (a bbq in the rain 😂) 100% go on holiday, send a nice present and see then when you are back to make a fuss! X