How do you make life fun? Or is it just boring at age 43?

[Ssshhdog]

I miss fun! Proper fun..I’m not even sure what that looks like tbh. Do you have fun? Or does it sort of stop after your 30’s/when you have kids?( had Dd at 40, adore her and life is sort of fun, but in a very different way) it was a definite fun before this.

@Ssshhdog Yeah that isn't easy with a toddler! I used to very much enjoy nap time when ds was a toddler because instead of doing anything productive I'd usually grab a book instead. Nowadays my DS is easily bribed with his Switch and Minecraft when I need an hour or so of peace - can you factor in a bit of screen time to give yourself a bit of chill time? We've had to home school since March last year as where we are they have only just reopened schools again, so I've very much got over myself when it comes to strict screen time limits - without screens we wouldn't have survived the last 18 months!

I am having so much fun and I don’t think it’s just because I left DH of 20 years last year and I’m dating. Even DH and I had a lot of fun. My Nan died at 99 and she always had a lot of fun. Of course shit things happen but I really do think it’s about doing what makes you happy. For me that’s getting out, seeing friends, exploring on long walks (often urban ones), arranging as many social meet ups as possible, going to coffee shops/lunch/pub/dinner etc when I can afford to, enjoying time chilling with DCs, music, dancing and (when I can) travel. For me it’s about layering over as many nice things as possible and as such I arrange as much as I can.

Things I am not that interested in and therefore try to minimise are cooking and housework. I do the basics. Lockdown over winter, at home with two small children and freezing weather outside and nothing open, was pretty awful. I am so glad to be out and about again.

Oh sorry, I am almost 47

I get you OP I don't find life as fun anymore. Only 38. I love being with my DC in reasonable doses and we have some laughs but by and large it's work, childcare, life admin, wait to retire.. rinse, repeat. 2 working parents, no family support, trying to juggle life. Holidays arent the same. Children add a new source of joy but also prevent you from being as much of an adrenalin junkie or carefree backpacker etc as you might have been in your 20s. I guess age and maturity weighs in too. By the time they're teenagers they don't want to do so much with you and you are physically too old to do some things. It's not moaning it's just fact for me it is different. Really depends what you find fun. Maybe if you find stuff like sorting bills, gardening, drinking with friends, tour de France cycling, puddle jumping, reading, daytime sex when kids not around, baking... fun, or you don't need to work too hard to fund family life, then middle age might be really fun?!

OP thanks for posting this. I have been in a huge rut lately and this has made me think about things that bring joy. Here are some of mine. I am going to try to do more of them in the coming weeks.

Walking esp parks/beach
How I feel after a workout
Reading a good book
Lowkey active time with kids eg puzzles, games
The sense of achievement I get from completing a task esp gardening and cooking
A warm bath esp with a good book
How I feel after stretching/yoga
How I feel when my hair looks nice
In summer, swimming in a pool or at the beach
Spending time with my siblings esp my sister
Doing kind things for others
Lying in the sun
Spending time with good friends
Kayaking
Going to art galleries and museums alone
Learning something new esp re cooking when I have plenty of time
Going to the theatre and to see good films with husband
Getting 8 hours sleep or failing that a nap

@Gingernaut

I suspect it depends on how self conscious we are.

Jumping up and down in puddles was terrific fun once, but I'd worry about what people would think if they saw me, how dirty and cold I'd be, how to get my dirty, wet clothes through the house to the washing machine - it's not fun any more. 😢

I was just about to suggest kicking leaves and jumping in puddles. I have no dignity.

For those of you holding up retirement as great future hope - don't!
My experience, and that of friends of similar age is that men become very "settled" and set in their ways. They are happy to walk the distance required to play golf and a sandwich afterwards but suggest a walk in a city with lunch out and the shock is as though you've suggested slaughtering their firstborn! If your life is dull now I promise you it will be duller when they retire
The one positive for friends and I over Covid is that we have resolved to plan days out and weekends away for ourselves instead of wasting energy trying to cajole our other halves into them

I think the key is always having something to look forward to. I try to always have something booked in, as small as a trip to the cinema or a big thing like a weekend away.

I used to persuade myself that clubbing in Margate drinking all sorts of odd coloured concoctions followed by a grim kebab with chilli sauce was fun. Then I moved to to thinking getting soaked through, then squashing in a tiny tent, eating dried food and being miles from the nearest person was fun.
Age has just helped me understand what real fun looks like.

I'm not in fun craving mode atm.
I'm in survival mode. I just want this fucking school year to end so I'm hanging by a thread until kids break up. can't wait for the summer holiday!!!

but ways I've had fun today?
DH & kids make me laugh every day.
DS6 has no top two front teeth and he has an excellent Gollum impression: when anyone tries to hug me he cuts in and says "my precious" in a very menacing voice. it cracks me up.
DS4 did a "how to wash grapes on a budget" mock cookery show.🤣 I cry-laughed.
that sort of stuff is a constant source of entertainment. my kids are bloody hilarious.

I also watched a comedy show with DS1 after the younger kids went to bed. Bo Burnham is pretty good.

Things I miss: long baths ALONE , using my naice drawing pencils and getting them out whenever I want. Having a semi tidy house. Watching films that have swears. Money to spend on myself.
Things I love: all the Xmas, Halloween, Easter stuff. The cuddles. Funny stuff they say when they can talk. Cooking with the kids when they're older or eating the same things when they're weaning. Being a constant safe place.
Themed dinner nights for things like the euro football that's on, spanish, croation, Belgium stuff etc.
I'm 31 and I'm not having anymore children, but my husband is 45 and I'm really lucky that he has a lot more patience than me lol.
Did you used to go out a lot before? We still go out to eat etc, to places that have gardens and play area's. We went through about four years of taking it in turns to eat our food lol, but we persevered and now we can eat out with the kids, but..They are very loud, so we always go to a pub with a garden or a chain place.
You got this mama!

@888central you're boring! 🙄 stop trolling

Everyone's perception is personal, but I just tried to help you on your last thread (s) with practical and emotional support as one mumsnetter to another, what do you think is boring? A genuine question by the way.

I feel really similar and stuck in a rut recently too, I agree a lot of it is the toddler / covid combo (I have 2yo, 6 yo and work from home) and the psychological thing of hitting my forties starting to bite a bit. I kept thinking how much I miss just going out for a drink / to a bar / to an (adult!) party, though these things have not been a regular part of life for years anyway since DC! My job will be permanently from home now too and I just don’t interact much with real people other than my immediate family, I am naturally a people person so I just miss that daily interaction. I like the comment about just think what you like doing and try to find a way to squeeze it in somewhere. I have LOTS of certain kinds of fun and lots to be grateful for I know -playing with kids, walks with friends, exercise, reading, time in the garden, sex with DH, but at the moment it’s dawning on me that other types of fun - like going to a bar / out dancing - are really not likely to happen again for many years, and sometimes daily life does feel a bit drudgey. Our kids are crap in the evenings so DH and I have not had an evening out alone together since I was pregnant so that’s about 3 bloody years. We do plan a saucy / romantic weekend away once kids are old enough so that’s something to look forward to in about 5 years time ha ha!

I think it's covid rather than age..I'm 37 and my life this year has consisted of work work work, homeschooling, trying not to be too snappy with DC and more work. I tried to sit down last week and work out if I could take any leave over summer but its looking like work is going to be too pressing. Hopefully once the kids aren't out all the time and covid buggers off then we can start doing some more fun family things again.

@Summernamechange2021 there is no chance in hell I'd put up with a partner who worked away like that while I was parenting completely alone. I'd be saying they need to change jobs or separate.

I would love to have more fun going out in the evenings drinking or chatting with but in my 40’s I don’t have anyone to do it with! I have slightly older kids but everyone around me seems content with never going out ☹️ Maybe I’m just too old now and should be content with walks and the odd coffee / lunch. Depressing

I would love to have more fun going out in the evenings drinking or chatting with but in my 40’s I don’t have anyone to do it with! I have slightly older kids but everyone around me seems content with never going out ☹️ Maybe I’m just too old now and should be content with walks and the odd coffee / lunch. Depressing

No, definitely not! Have you tried your local FB group? I've seen loads of posts from people setting up walking and running groups. I appreciate that's more walking, but it's an opportunity to meet new oeiole who might be up for lunch or a coffee.

I'm 37 and my life is quite fun. I had my DC young so am able to have child free fun and socialise with my friends without having to worry. I also regularly have days out with the DC which are equally fun and me and DH have a ball. Always laughing uncontrollably. Life is what you make it.

You can still do those things but you cant do them as spontaneously. Read how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones.

Ways I had fun yesterday:

• took my child out for McD, sat in the drive through car park looking at online clothes shops. I hate shopping, don’t care about clothes, but love her enthusiasm and seeing the outfits she chooses

• went for a swim in a local lake

• sat in my hot tub (shoot me!) and had a nice chat with my husband

• spent ages in a group chat laughing with some friends about one of their dating profiles

I have fun every day… are you discounting the smaller things, in your quest to feel that you’re Having Fun not just having fun?

I think you can still have fun, a long time since mine were toddlers but we always travelled, obviously covid makes that difficult now but plenty can do in UK.

Things I have done since kids were toddlers that were fun
Holidays, always at least 2 weeks in summer, done watermarks, canoeing, gorging, wildlife spotting, rainforest treks, snorkelling in Great Barrier Reef and with seals in Devon, beach, swimming, horseriding, going down waterslide in jungle, ziplining with monkeys in trees, seeing brown bears in wild, skiing, staying in treehouse with loads of wild animals around, staying with lady that looked after injured tree kangaroos and having one jump on me. When kids were little we did AI so all on site and we got a break.

Also tried aquaparks in UK with kids, steam trains, teaching DS to swim was fun as he insisted on being Woofie the dog and I had to be Woofette, parks, days out at safari parks, wake boarding, went to David Lloyd for a while and did swimming and spa a lot, baking cakes with kids, playdates were adults stay and chat, this summer doing helicopter ride, small plane, swimming with seals, alpaca trekking, tropical gardens, spa, swimming, also hired boat recently.