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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband not been paid/lying to me.

111 replies

thenewduchessofhastings · 29/06/2021 20:35

You nest of vipers are usually great when someone is frustrated and struggling with a situation.

DH is paid on the 28th of each month.He's been paid on that date for the past 3 years.The bills especially the big ones are scheduled via DD on the 28th and 1st.

He's not been paid;it's the evening of the 29th.

The MD pays everyone via bank transfer;DH is the next senior member of staff.He knows what goes on with the finances/what's been paid/what's not.

I strongly suspect the company is owed money by clients and the reason DH hasn't been paid is because the money isn't there to pay him.Unfortunately the bank and the bills aren't going to care that the company can't pay him.

At present the joint account and my account are empty;I've not only had to empty my account to pay yesterday's bills,I've also had to use the money I've been given for my birthday by family too.

There won't be enough money there to pay the rest of bills on Thursday unless he's paid.If the direct debits are returned by the bank my credit score will also be affected.

So currently I'm skint,have had to hand over my birthday money,might have my credit score take a hit and won't have bills paid on Thursday and will have to go through the humiliating process of having to call companies if my DH ever gets paid to pay those missed bills.I feel this is very unreasonable and I have a right to pissed off.

I'm actually very stressed about the situation and lost my cool with my DH tonight.

The other reason I'm so angry is because I know my DH is lying to my face and he knows I know he's lying too.

He knows why he's not been paid but he's lying to me;he's so obviously when he lies,he becomes shifty,gets physically agitated,he hands don't stop moving,he won't look me in the face let alone meet my eye,he gives short flimsy answers,keeps changing his story and tries to change the subject.

If I press him he gets really agitated,gets angry,aggressive,raises his voice and will storm off to avoid having to actually tell me the truth.

Thé being lied to is just as bad as the position I'm currently in.

Quite frankly if we had a spare room I wouldn't be sharing a bed with him tonight I'm so annoyed.

OP posts:

DroopyClematis · 29/06/2021 21:52

@TheDinosaurMum

Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate.

Can I ask OP is DH the only income? Do you have a mortgage/rent? Children?

Now take a step back and imagine shouldering the entire financial welfare of your family and it's gone wrong, possibly for reasons out of your control, like customers not paying. On a scale of 1-10 how stressed would you be?

I'd stop questioning him and talk to him. Sit down and say "look I know something's up and you don't want to talk about it, I get it, it's stressful and upsetting, but to make a plan and work as a team I need to know what we are up against"

Now's the time to be a team OP. If he's the financial captain you really are going to have to be his wingman and help him.

Excellent advice.

PurpleyBlue · 29/06/2021 21:57

Maybe he's been paid in to another account?

Bluntness100 · 29/06/2021 22:34

Well that makes no sense op, payroll should be automatic and if he’s giving the company money something is very wrong.

RedToothBrush · 29/06/2021 22:54

[quote thenewduchessofhastings]@Hoppinggreen

Yep:he can be a soft touch sometimes and wants to help people even at his own expense/feels a sense of duty.He has a tendency to get overly involved in work matters and is a obsessive workaholic [/quote]
He's been fucked over and the penny has dropped.

Even if he gets wages back any money he's lent to the firm is gone. He won't want to admit that he has been a fool and been effectively conned and lost your savings.

Especially when he is just beginning to realise he has lost his job too and now you are going to need the savings you no longer have.

He's lying because he doesn't want to admit it to himself nevermind you.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/06/2021 07:57

The loan has already been repaid.

picklemewalnuts · 30/06/2021 08:02

He only lent the money for a week or so, op says, so that's back.

Stop badgering and scolding him, it will make it harder for him to talk to you.

I get it's your job to organise finances and he's making it harder, but he's also struggling to tell you things because of your reaction.
Make it easier for him.
Sit him down, say you need to plan, can he please explain what's up so you can organise around it.

And prioritise building a buffer in that account- stuff happens, my firm has been a day late several times recently due to bank issues.

Millionsofpeachez · 30/06/2021 08:05

I’m afraid it does sound like the firm is going under. Him lending the firm money is bad news.
It’s time for a honest chat at get the full truth out of him.

tenlittlecygnets · 30/06/2021 08:12

He needs to contact his boss immediately. Then he needs to never lend money to his work ever again - wtf was he thinking?

And it's, he needs to clear up his own shit, not leave it to you.

Alannawhorideslikeaman · 30/06/2021 08:15

Could the MD have dropped his laptop etc round because they're at risk of the baliffs coming in? Surely if WFH was an option he'd have been doing that for the last year?

Millionsofpeachez · 30/06/2021 09:10

@Alannawhorideslikeaman

Could the MD have dropped his laptop etc round because they're at risk of the baliffs coming in? Surely if WFH was an option he'd have been doing that for the last year?

That’s what I thought, it could be so it’s not counted as an asset by the liquidators.

Wtfdoipick · 30/06/2021 09:33

Cash flow can be hell. You can have lots of trade but if you aren't getting paid you're up shit creek. That applies to yourselves as well as the company, you can't pay your bills because your husband hasn't been paid and chances are the company hasn't paid his wage because they haven't been paid. It could be that the md is doing everything possible to get some invoices paid and it's a temporary blip but if the companies that owe go under then so will your husbands. It can be a horrendous knock on effect. The real question you need answering is not why hasn't he been paid but does he know when he will and if so when. He also needs to start looking for another job but if he is emotionally invested in this company doing that may feel like he is betraying them.

bravotango · 30/06/2021 09:35

my DH use the savings we had for something and loaned it temporarily to the company for about a week.

WTF - this sounds dodgy as hell

30degreesandmeltinghere · 30/06/2021 09:38

Does he owe money to them? Has he had his wages in advance? Sounds very fishy.

HavelockVetinari · 30/06/2021 09:42

If there are often cash flow issues, the company should look into invoice factoring - basically the company sells its accounts receivable to a third party (banks often do this, there are also specialist companies who do it). The company won't get the full value of the invoices, but it won't have cash flow issues as prompt payment is guaranteed.

Another option is to offer clients a small discount if they pay within (e.g.) a week of receiving the invoice.

Does the company have a decent accountant (I.e. not just a book-keeper)?

HavelockVetinari · 30/06/2021 09:44

Lots of small to medium companies go bust due to cashflow issues despite being profitable on paper. They need someone with sound financial management experience on board.

Californiabakes · 30/06/2021 09:47

This happened to us many years ago. DP did not get paid, many promises were made and he continued working but the firm eventually went bust owing him about 3 months salary. He only got statutory compensation.

wizzywig · 30/06/2021 09:49

I don't get how he can be so timid, yet hold such a senior position?

BillMasen · 30/06/2021 10:20

@thenewduchessofhastings

Thank you for your suggestions I'll be looking into them tomorrow;I could possibly ask a family for a temporary loan but I'd rather avoid that but practically comes pride.

And no I won't be phoning people about the bills;to the person who suggested that he should do it;your right I'll ask him too as I can't keep cleaning up his messes.

He's not a director of that company.

Someone suggested that the lower ranking staff pay was made a priority;I think you might be right.

The excuse's I've been given is that the MD hasn't been in the office much over the last 2 days/is too really busy/isn't answering messages quickly/just hasn't got round to it as he's got other stuff to catch up on basically the same excuse in different forms but seems strange.

DH avoids conflict and has a horrible habit of sticking his head in the sand and hopes a situation goes away/someone else cleans it up.

I do think that now is the time to be a team. I imagine he’s very stressed being the sole earner and the firm has let him down. Yes he needs to talk but I think you saying “it’s your mess, you sort it out” will just add to that stress.

You need to be on the same side here

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 30/06/2021 10:43

I agree with PP - I'm about 20% he's been fired and 80% the company is going under. Poor management of cashflow can sink a small company. Payroll should always be the first thing sent out - if they can't manage their cashflow sufficiently to cover payroll, it's a bad, bad sign.

Either way, I don't think you're seeing that money, possibly ever. I agree with PP - let up on the anger with him, ask him to tell you the truth so you can work together. He probably needs to start hunting for another job ASAP as well.

StatisticallyChallenged · 30/06/2021 11:56

Agree with the majority, the company is in trouble. It doesn't matter how profitable the business is if you can't get the actual cash in the account in time to pay your bills. You could argue they're already insolvent as they've failed to pay their bills when due - namely your DH's wage.

I'd suggest trying to sort overdraft/low interest credit card to tide you over, and that he needs to start job hunting immediately. This doesn't sound like a one off admin error

Aprilx · 30/06/2021 12:12

I would be angry if my husband hid something and lied to me, whereas you say this is “almost as bad”. I would not think my husband being in financial difficulty as something bad he has done it me, I would see it as a problem we face together.

You seem like you would just get angry, you won’t even help to sort out unpaid direct debits because it is “cleaning up his mess”. For better for worse, did you not say something similar? There is part of me that is not surprised he hides things from you, because from your posts, it is clear the only thing coming from you would be more aggravation, not help or support.

londonscalling · 30/06/2021 12:17

His boss dropped his things off so he can WFH? That seems a huge coincidence.

Are you sure he's not been sacked and his boss has told him not to come back and therefore dropped his things off?

Everydayisawindingroad · 30/06/2021 12:40

@londonscalling

His boss dropped his things off so he can WFH? That seems a huge coincidence.

Are you sure he's not been sacked and his boss has told him not to come back and therefore dropped his things off?

Sadly this

Wtfdoipick · 30/06/2021 13:49

@londonscalling

His boss dropped his things off so he can WFH? That seems a huge coincidence.

Are you sure he's not been sacked and his boss has told him not to come back and therefore dropped his things off?

Highly unlikely as I suspect we are talking things like work laptop rather than personal belongings, also if he had been fired he would have got his final pay.

cupsofcoffee · 30/06/2021 13:58

also if he had been fired he would have got his final pay.

Not if the company is insolvent, which it sounds like it probably is.

OP has already said her DH has given the company all their personal savings to keep them afloat. That's not a company that's surviving.

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