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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband not been paid/lying to me.

111 replies

thenewduchessofhastings · 29/06/2021 20:35

You nest of vipers are usually great when someone is frustrated and struggling with a situation.

DH is paid on the 28th of each month.He's been paid on that date for the past 3 years.The bills especially the big ones are scheduled via DD on the 28th and 1st.

He's not been paid;it's the evening of the 29th.

The MD pays everyone via bank transfer;DH is the next senior member of staff.He knows what goes on with the finances/what's been paid/what's not.

I strongly suspect the company is owed money by clients and the reason DH hasn't been paid is because the money isn't there to pay him.Unfortunately the bank and the bills aren't going to care that the company can't pay him.

At present the joint account and my account are empty;I've not only had to empty my account to pay yesterday's bills,I've also had to use the money I've been given for my birthday by family too.

There won't be enough money there to pay the rest of bills on Thursday unless he's paid.If the direct debits are returned by the bank my credit score will also be affected.

So currently I'm skint,have had to hand over my birthday money,might have my credit score take a hit and won't have bills paid on Thursday and will have to go through the humiliating process of having to call companies if my DH ever gets paid to pay those missed bills.I feel this is very unreasonable and I have a right to pissed off.

I'm actually very stressed about the situation and lost my cool with my DH tonight.

The other reason I'm so angry is because I know my DH is lying to my face and he knows I know he's lying too.

He knows why he's not been paid but he's lying to me;he's so obviously when he lies,he becomes shifty,gets physically agitated,he hands don't stop moving,he won't look me in the face let alone meet my eye,he gives short flimsy answers,keeps changing his story and tries to change the subject.

If I press him he gets really agitated,gets angry,aggressive,raises his voice and will storm off to avoid having to actually tell me the truth.

Thé being lied to is just as bad as the position I'm currently in.

Quite frankly if we had a spare room I wouldn't be sharing a bed with him tonight I'm so annoyed.

OP posts:
Delphigirl · 29/06/2021 21:07

If the company isn’t paying its staff it is trading insolvent which is an offence. If your DH is a director he has responsibility and he knows it is an offence which is why he is not telling you about it. This is a very serious situation and you need to sit him down and demand some answers. If he is lending money to the company what else has he done? Has he guaranteed the company’s borrowings? You need him to lay it out for you so you can decide what to do.

Clickbait · 29/06/2021 21:07

What is the reason he's giving OP?

jgjgjgjgjg · 29/06/2021 21:09

Unfortunately it sounds like the company is failing or failed. I hope he is not a director? If he is he has a legal duty to make sure the company is not trading insolvently. Presumably the purpose of your savings was to shore up the company during a cash flow crisis and I'd be very surprised if you get it back.

Bluntness100 · 29/06/2021 21:16

How many people work there? Is it just him and his boss?

conall · 29/06/2021 21:16

I don't get why your husband was giving his work a loan when there was obviously financial issues there when they were asking staff to help out financially. Your OH should've said that he had no money to give away, I honestly don't know in what world I'd give money to my boss to help out with their company that's just madness and putting you as a family in jeopardy. I'd be getting him on the phone with his boss tomorrow and tell them that he needs paid immediately since you no longer have a back-up now since you gave them all your savings. (Why would you give ALL your saving away?! Why wouldn't you keep some back for you just in case something happened?) If they don't offer to pay up tomorrow then your OH needs to stop working from them until he gets paid, he can't be doing free labour for them.

titchy · 29/06/2021 21:17

He's not going to get paid. He is going to become one of their creditors when the receivers get called. Which they will very soon. You both need to face reality and sort something else out. Do you work? Universal credit?

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2021 21:21

@thenewduchessofhastings

The account the bills go out of doesn't have an option for an overdraft facility to be added.When we opened this account they informed us of this but I never thought we'd need one on it.I can't believe we're in this position.

And I don't think business is bad I think they've got too many companies who haven't paid up yet and there's a cash flow issue;a couple of months ago my DH use the savings we had for something and loaned it temporarily to the company for about a week.

Sorry, he loaned his (your) money to his employer? That’s insane and no way to run a business. Cash flow can be an issue but they can use Invoice Finance or similar, there should always be money for wages etc. Also I know it’s not always an option but if at all possible you should have a bit of a buffer in your own account too
Original poster
thenewduchessofhastings · 29/06/2021 21:21

Thank you for your suggestions I'll be looking into them tomorrow;I could possibly ask a family for a temporary loan but I'd rather avoid that but practically comes pride.

And no I won't be phoning people about the bills;to the person who suggested that he should do it;your right I'll ask him too as I can't keep cleaning up his messes.

He's not a director of that company.

Someone suggested that the lower ranking staff pay was made a priority;I think you might be right.

The excuse's I've been given is that the MD hasn't been in the office much over the last 2 days/is too really busy/isn't answering messages quickly/just hasn't got round to it as he's got other stuff to catch up on basically the same excuse in different forms but seems strange.

DH avoids conflict and has a horrible habit of sticking his head in the sand and hopes a situation goes away/someone else cleans it up.

OP posts:
MordredsOrrery · 29/06/2021 21:22

This sounds far more serious than a couple of customers delaying payments to the company. He has given personal cash to try and tide them over a couple of months ago - red flag one - and now hasn't been paid - red flag two. Other possible red flags: they haven't paid anyone else either, he has personally guaranteed a loan to pay other staff/cover other costs, he has been hiding the extent of the financial difficulties, he is a director and the company is about to go bankrupt.

You may find this is the first month of several where he isn't going to be contributing to the family pot. You need to know how bad it is and you need to know now.

Original poster
thenewduchessofhastings · 29/06/2021 21:23

@Hoppinggreen

Yep:he can be a soft touch sometimes and wants to help people even at his own expense/feels a sense of duty.He has a tendency to get overly involved in work matters and is a obsessive workaholic

OP posts:
Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 29/06/2021 21:28

Look, if his company is about to go bust as too many accounts haven't paid, he'll be confused, scared and desperately trying to think of a way to keep company going and your lives going but running out of time

Have you tried the folded arms "stand and stare at him with one eyebrow raised" approach to getting the truth?
You have to move rooms a few times,,,

I want you to tell me what is going on , why our bank account is empty, and what is going on at work.

We will do nothing until you are honest with me. I am your wife, we can work this out together if you tell me everything . I won't get cross (proviso: unless he's remortgaged or thinking of remortgaging your house for the company)

Babymamamama · 29/06/2021 21:28

I also have no idea why you are angry.

Everydayisawindingroad · 29/06/2021 21:29

@Starlightstarbright1

Has he been sacked?
This
AquaticLicence · 29/06/2021 21:29

It does sound like maybe the company is on its last legs and they're desperately trying to avoid insolvency. When I worked for a company in this situation it was all a bit cloak and dagger as they were trying to sell the company as a going concern so although we were sent home with no pay we were still officially employed and we couldn't discuss with other people.

The good news - if the company does go down the tubes you can claim back unpaid wages, holiday pay, pay in lieu of notice from the insolvency service. The bad news is you won't see that money for a while and it is capped so you might get less than you are owed depending on earnings.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 29/06/2021 21:32

@Babymamamama

I also have no idea why you are angry.
Because he's lying to her DH isn't telling OP the truth about why wages not gone in. She knows he's lying. He knows he's lying, without knowing truth OP can't plan and it's putting their house & credit at risk- not his but theirs . He doesn't have right to keep secrets from her about that
Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 29/06/2021 21:33

Ps I'm not angry, last quote was babymanna asking op why she was angry

LittleOwl153 · 29/06/2021 21:34

Think I'd be telling him he either told me the truth now. Or id be ringing the company md tomorrow and telling him he either gets a minimum amount, enough to cover you bills, paid that day or you'll be reporting him for trading insolvently. That should get you some answered from one it or the other.
It's clearly not looking good though.

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2021 21:35

[quote thenewduchessofhastings]@Hoppinggreen

Yep:he can be a soft touch sometimes and wants to help people even at his own expense/feels a sense of duty.He has a tendency to get overly involved in work matters and is a obsessive workaholic [/quote]
If he’s a workaholic it wouldn’t be too bad if he was getting rewarded for it!
He’s actually paying them for the privilege

RedToothBrush · 29/06/2021 21:39

My Dad worked for a company which was 'doing ok'. Plenty of customers and business was good.

However it didn't manage its cash flow. The bank decided to pull the plug and it went under.

One of the directors did manage to restart and made a fortune because the business was there, its just that clients hadn't paid up when they should and this wasn't managed right first time around.

This does sound like its business about to go pop. Your staff get paid before all your other outgoings. If its at the point they aren't able to do that, that should set off alarm bells.

He should start looking for a new job. Just in case. The signs don't bode well.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 29/06/2021 21:39

Have you actually seen his bank account to see he's definitely not been paid and not just spent or gambled the money?

GreenTeaPingPong · 29/06/2021 21:40

Why is it down to you to worry about how the direct debits will go out, transfer money, lose your birthday money, etc? Surely it's his responsibility as much as yours?

TheDinosaurMum · 29/06/2021 21:41

Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate.

Can I ask OP is DH the only income? Do you have a mortgage/rent? Children?

Now take a step back and imagine shouldering the entire financial welfare of your family and it's gone wrong, possibly for reasons out of your control, like customers not paying. On a scale of 1-10 how stressed would you be?

I'd stop questioning him and talk to him. Sit down and say "look I know something's up and you don't want to talk about it, I get it, it's stressful and upsetting, but to make a plan and work as a team I need to know what we are up against"

Now's the time to be a team OP. If he's the financial captain you really are going to have to be his wingman and help him.

RedToothBrush · 29/06/2021 21:44

@thenewduchessofhastings

Thank you for your suggestions I'll be looking into them tomorrow;I could possibly ask a family for a temporary loan but I'd rather avoid that but practically comes pride.

And no I won't be phoning people about the bills;to the person who suggested that he should do it;your right I'll ask him too as I can't keep cleaning up his messes.

He's not a director of that company.

Someone suggested that the lower ranking staff pay was made a priority;I think you might be right.

The excuse's I've been given is that the MD hasn't been in the office much over the last 2 days/is too really busy/isn't answering messages quickly/just hasn't got round to it as he's got other stuff to catch up on basically the same excuse in different forms but seems strange.

DH avoids conflict and has a horrible habit of sticking his head in the sand and hopes a situation goes away/someone else cleans it up.

The MD is awol because shit is hitting the fan and the company is going under.
Northernlurker · 29/06/2021 21:45

I can see why he's lying. The OP seems to hold him in contempt.

cupsofcoffee · 29/06/2021 21:49

The MD is awol because shit is hitting the fan and the company is going under.

Exactly.

  • OP's DH has been handing over his familys' savings to keep the company afloat.
  • Now, it turns out he's not been paid either.
  • His stuff has all been dropped at home and now the company MD is seemingly
uncontactable.

It doesn't exactly paint a good picture. He may be stressed about all of the above but that's not a good reason to lie to his wife and just shrug when it means the bills won't get paid Hmm