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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Peak (ex) MiL- still think about this, how weird is this?

81 replies

Evangeli · 29/06/2021 13:54

When DD, now 18, was a baby, we lived very close to my (ex)PiLs, and we were together a lot. One day we were at their place, baby DD was in MiL's (retired schoolteacher, tho' can't remember if she was retired at the time) lap and fussing, and I was doing something else couldn't immediately get her or whatever. MiL was talking to baby DD "are you hungry, need boob?" and then she actually got out her boob and placed it in baby DD's mouth who began screaming and refused it. MiL laughed and I took DD and began feeding her. I didn't say anything, but I was kinda weirded if not grossed out by this, and MiL obviously thought it was perfectly normal since later she was chatting about this to anybody who'd listen "...DD was crying and even tried to give her my boob but she didn't want it..."

fast forward 17 years, we live in different countries and haven't seen (ex- although that was not the reason)MiL for over 6 years...

That scene still crosses my mind once in a while, especially on Mumsnet where people post shite about their PiLs all the time- how weird or normal was it? I only saw her do it that one time. She was pretty classic MiL in other aspects too, but that one really stood out.

OP posts:
ImFree2doasiwant · 29/06/2021 13:57

Nope, its definitely REALLY fucking weird

Drivingmeupthewall · 29/06/2021 13:57

Are you serious? She did that? That is a big fat fuck off NO, that’s not normal. And reminds me of Family Guy. 🤮

What the fuck is wrong with the woman?

VoyageInTheDark · 29/06/2021 13:57

Wow that's disturbing

Drivingmeupthewall · 29/06/2021 13:57

Also, never ever tell your daughter that happened.

linerforlife · 29/06/2021 14:00

Wow that's so weird and so gross! YY to never telling your child it happened!!!

VimFuego101 · 29/06/2021 14:01

How bizarre. Is she from some other country where wet nursing is the norm?

Thingsdogetbetter · 29/06/2021 14:03

Perfectly normal in many non-western cultures. Grannies/aunties do it as a soothing thing.

PurpleyBlue · 29/06/2021 14:04

Why are you asking how weird it is? It's disturbing.

3scape · 29/06/2021 14:05

That's very odd. Is wet nursing common in your MIL's country? I mean even if that is the case then obviously there's be conversations first. Very very weird!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 29/06/2021 14:06

"It tastes of dirty pennies"

30degreesandmeltinghere · 29/06/2021 14:11

True story to beat yours..
My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk.
And I don't mean by hand..
I felt more than a bit queasy...
She also hated that I could bf and was always reluctant to admit that dc needed me not her..
Grim.

Drivingmeupthewall · 29/06/2021 14:14

@30degreesandmeltinghere

True story to beat yours.. My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk. And I don't mean by hand.. I felt more than a bit queasy... She also hated that I could bf and was always reluctant to admit that dc needed me not her.. Grim.
Oh my god.
Greenrubber · 29/06/2021 14:15

Very disturbing! I wouldn't be able to forgive that but as other posters have said not normal to us may be perfectly normal in other cultures

30degreesandmeltinghere · 29/06/2021 14:18

My mil was white British and Catholic of that is of any relevance whatsoever.
Ds's weren't allowed to be naked or would get sexual feelings.. Nappy changes were a 2 person fast paced military operation... If she took it upon herself to change one... Bonkers...

Toilenstripes · 29/06/2021 14:19

@30degreesandmeltinghere

True story to beat yours.. My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk. And I don't mean by hand.. I felt more than a bit queasy... She also hated that I could bf and was always reluctant to admit that dc needed me not her.. Grim.
Wish I hadn’t read that.
AfterSchoolWorry · 29/06/2021 14:21

Ugh, God. That's not normal, no.

Evangeli · 29/06/2021 14:21

Yes we are from a Middle-eastern culture / background - however we lived at that time in a fairly "modern" fwiw urban/westernized centre and I have never ever seen or heard of wet-nursing outside of history books- not in my family, or hers, or in fact anywhere. Definitely not a modern cultural norm.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 29/06/2021 14:24

Perfectly normal in many non-western cultures. Grannies/aunties do it as a soothing thing

^ This. I've seen it before a few times

Evangeli · 29/06/2021 14:25

Although we are now divorced, I am in another happy relationship of 2.5 years, my kids are fine, I'm fine, it's odd how these flashes of memory from years and years ago still cross my mind and it's disturbing.

I'm glad other ppl find it weird too. So did baby DD.

OP posts:
JeepersCreeping · 29/06/2021 14:29

is she from a country where culterally there is a wet nursing / milk donation culture?

in UK terms, that's bizarre. but it might not be in other cultures? (grasping here)

MillionBells · 29/06/2021 14:32

I remember an article about it where it said in some countries this would be normal.

RickJames · 29/06/2021 14:32

My mate grew up in a South Asian country (until age 9) and she thinks it's hilarious that her Aunty used to breastfeed her until she was about 6 - apparently Aunty had a big oversupply so was grateful and my friend said she was a greedy child and loved it. It's normal (or was normal 30 odd years ago) behaviour in their country.

I think what your MIL did was really inappropriate because that's not customary in the West. I would have gone mad if my MIL had tried that. There's no way she would, mind, she is very uptight!

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 29/06/2021 14:33

I wish it was 3 minutes ago, before I opened this thread...

Drivingmeupthewall · 29/06/2021 14:34

I think we all understand that wet nursing is and has been a thing, but this was not a lactating woman, this was a woman who randomly shoved her old boob into her crying granddaughter’s mouth and laughed when the baby was not happy. That’s not wet nursing. Confused

PandemicAtTheDisco · 29/06/2021 14:41

It's basically equivalent to sticking in a dummy but not really done here for a long, long time.