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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Peak (ex) MiL- still think about this, how weird is this?

81 replies

Evangeli · 29/06/2021 13:54

When DD, now 18, was a baby, we lived very close to my (ex)PiLs, and we were together a lot. One day we were at their place, baby DD was in MiL's (retired schoolteacher, tho' can't remember if she was retired at the time) lap and fussing, and I was doing something else couldn't immediately get her or whatever. MiL was talking to baby DD "are you hungry, need boob?" and then she actually got out her boob and placed it in baby DD's mouth who began screaming and refused it. MiL laughed and I took DD and began feeding her. I didn't say anything, but I was kinda weirded if not grossed out by this, and MiL obviously thought it was perfectly normal since later she was chatting about this to anybody who'd listen "...DD was crying and even tried to give her my boob but she didn't want it..."

fast forward 17 years, we live in different countries and haven't seen (ex- although that was not the reason)MiL for over 6 years...

That scene still crosses my mind once in a while, especially on Mumsnet where people post shite about their PiLs all the time- how weird or normal was it? I only saw her do it that one time. She was pretty classic MiL in other aspects too, but that one really stood out.

OP posts:

sixswans · 30/06/2021 08:46

I'm a vet. Once had a colleague who saw a puppy with persistent diarrhoea. Turned out the owner had recently had a baby and was also breast feeding the puppy...

BarbarianMum · 30/06/2021 08:48

Not liking is not xenophobic (I never mentioned racism) but looking at cultural practices common in other countries and talking about them with such disgust and ridicule is - what then? Not the OP but other posters. Its akin to talking about "foreign muck" when you dont like the cuisine.

Ozanj · 30/06/2021 08:53

@30degreesandmeltinghere

True story to beat yours.. My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk. And I don't mean by hand.. I felt more than a bit queasy... She also hated that I could bf and was always reluctant to admit that dc needed me not her.. Grim.

Yes, this is common in some bf cultures and actually reduces the risk of mastisis; and used to be practiced in the UK a lot. (Mastisis isn’t as common outside of the west because cultures who know about breastfeeding know all the tricks to avoid it).

JackieTheFart · 30/06/2021 08:57

I find FGM and breast ironing, prevalent in some African countries, absolutely disgusting. I also find the practice of piercing Spanish baby girls ears bothersome. Less bothered about wet nursing but I’d find it weird in the supreme if a person not from that culture did it.

If that classes me as xenophobic then I guess I’m xenophobic.

Ozanj · 30/06/2021 08:58

I should also point out that once a woman has breastfed she is able to relactate with a baby at the breast even after menopause, and in many bf cultures (including the UK in the past) this was done as a way to sooth babies. Don’t judge what you don’t know about. Breastfeeding is a skill most western mums just don’t know enough about any more.

Bitofachinwag · 30/06/2021 09:04

@Ozanj

Yes and I am sure I watched a documentary in which men also used their breasts to comfort babies when mum wasn't available.

Conchitastrawberry · 30/06/2021 09:06

His that’s vile.

I get wet nursing but that’s a completely different thing. I would have taken my baby and run 🤮

Doublestar · 30/06/2021 09:07

but this was not a lactating woman, this was a woman who randomly shoved her old boob into her crying granddaughter’s mouth

I'm sorry but this has me PMSL!!

Not normal at all no, I'm not surprised it's stuck in your mind OP!

BarbarianMum · 30/06/2021 09:09

Yes @JackieTheFart this is exactly up there w breast ironing and FGM. Thank you for providing my point.

Ponoka7 · 30/06/2021 09:34

@30degreesandmeltinghere, that could could be linked to sexual abuse, in an unspoken way.

I've heard of the breast used as a soother in some cultures and those saying that they'd rather use dummies, that's great if you have easy access to water, no serious threats of disease via contamination and unsafe plastics.
Other cultures who live having closer physical contact with each other and don't see women's bodies as highly sexual, have completely different attitudes to breasts.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 30/06/2021 09:41

Mil was white British and lived in Blaydon!!

Thatsmydaughterinthewater · 30/06/2021 09:43

@30degreesandmeltinghere

My DH helped me clear a particularly stubborn blocked duct once. I’ve had mastitis four times so was desperate to avoid another bout of it. Should I name change now?

toocold54 · 30/06/2021 10:01

I do think it’s strange but get that it’s quite common for people to do this. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with it though. One of my male friends did this too when his son wouldn’t settle as he thought it would soothe him.

toocold54 · 30/06/2021 10:02

My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk.
And I don't mean by hand..

😲😲😲🤢

J0rd0 · 30/06/2021 10:06

Saw this and immediately thought of Little Britain and ‘bitty’

Seesawmummadaw · 30/06/2021 10:14

It’s weird but I’m not getting the absolute disgust from some posters. I might feel differently if I was the op though.

The vet story by @sixswans is more bizarre

Wbeezer · 30/06/2021 10:18

We had the reverse, my Mum being surprised then amused by DS3, then 2 1/2, attempting to lift her nightie up and announcing "Time for boobie now" one morning when she had him for an overnight stay. My mother is famously flat chested which added to the amusement value although DS does NOT find it amusing to hear this tale repeated!

ReggaetonLente · 30/06/2021 10:26

Breastfeeding is a skill most western mums just don’t know enough about any more

Totally agree. I fed my first in the UK, had a rough ride but made it to 2.5 in the end. Had my second in a SE Asian country and its been so incredibly easy because absolutely everyone gets it. Its amazing.

To everyone saying 'that's what a pacifier is for', what do you think a pacifier is modelled on?!

But in all fairness, i hate my MIL and I'd hate her trying to do this, so on that front, YANBU.

blissfulllife · 30/06/2021 10:29

My nephew is going to freak when he find out I used to breastfeed him while his mom was at work. Don't worry she knew lol. We had our babies same time but she had to return to work when he was 3 months and wasn't weaned off the breast. So I looked after him and breastfed him for 6 months. Didn't feel at all weird. But If my mil did it I'd freak lol

Somethingsnappy · 30/06/2021 11:03

I wouldn't feel comfortable with my MIL or DM doing this, but then I am a product of my British cultural background. I have heard it's normal in some cultures, so the idea doesn't disturb me. Agree with a PP, who said that the sexualisation of breasts is not a thing in many cultures where BF is still a skill that is inherent. Good to be open minded and glad that OP feels a bit better about the memory now, having discussed it.

On a side note, my MIL has said a couple of times, while holding my young babies, that she experienced the tingling sensation that is common with the 'let down' feeling.

Ozanj · 30/06/2021 11:14

@Somethingsnappy

On a side note, my MIL has said a couple of times, while holding my young babies, that she experienced the tingling sensation that is common with the 'let down' feeling.

Yes. That tingling sensation is totally normal. If she had breastfed it’s probably a sign she would have produced enough milk to soothe the babies between their main feeds with you. In India in the families that still practice this (it’s dying out there too unfortunately) it was considered almost medicinal. The mil / dm would eat loads of colic friendly foods & whatever milk she produced would then be seen as a treatment.

Somethingsnappy · 30/06/2021 11:17

@Ozanj, that's pretty amazing! I said to MIL she was perhaps producing a little milk still and everyone laughed at me! I know it's perfectly possible to relactate, but hadn't realised for sure it could be so instantly produced. Very interesting, thank you!

Kanaloa · 30/06/2021 11:21

Wet nursing is totally different though. If your mil was lactating and you were nowhere around and she breast fed the baby that would be a different situation. I definitely wouldn’t like it at all.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/06/2021 11:22

Thats.. mm, odd at best...

My mum and some of her friends with similar aged babies would breast feed each others babies if necessary/practical . I know some of my 'honourary aunties' breast fed me... I don't know which ones and I am not inclined to ask!

topwings · 30/06/2021 11:27

My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk.
And I don't mean by hand..

At first I was really grossed out about this but then I think well, MIL's mum saw her daughter in pain and helped her. I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to relieve my child's pain.

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