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Original poster

Peak (ex) MiL- still think about this, how weird is this?

81 replies

Evangeli · 29/06/2021 13:54

When DD, now 18, was a baby, we lived very close to my (ex)PiLs, and we were together a lot. One day we were at their place, baby DD was in MiL's (retired schoolteacher, tho' can't remember if she was retired at the time) lap and fussing, and I was doing something else couldn't immediately get her or whatever. MiL was talking to baby DD "are you hungry, need boob?" and then she actually got out her boob and placed it in baby DD's mouth who began screaming and refused it. MiL laughed and I took DD and began feeding her. I didn't say anything, but I was kinda weirded if not grossed out by this, and MiL obviously thought it was perfectly normal since later she was chatting about this to anybody who'd listen "...DD was crying and even tried to give her my boob but she didn't want it..."

fast forward 17 years, we live in different countries and haven't seen (ex- although that was not the reason)MiL for over 6 years...

That scene still crosses my mind once in a while, especially on Mumsnet where people post shite about their PiLs all the time- how weird or normal was it? I only saw her do it that one time. She was pretty classic MiL in other aspects too, but that one really stood out.

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 29/06/2021 14:41

I don’t think it’s that bad. It’s probably a relic from a bygone culture of wet nurses being available.

My niece was obsessed with boobs until she was about 3/4 and would try and comfort ‘feed’ from anyone female in the family.

The difference I guess was that it was niece was was trying to do it rather than anyone trying to get her to ‘feed’.

Now what @30degreesandmeltinghere described is shocking!

LookItsMeAgain · 29/06/2021 14:47

That's two mental images that I will NEVER be able to get out of my mind!!! Both are weird as fuck!!!!
Thanks so much @Evangeli and @30degreesandmeltinghere

LookItsMeAgain · 29/06/2021 14:49

@Thingsdogetbetter

Perfectly normal in many non-western cultures. Grannies/aunties do it as a soothing thing.
That's what a soother is for. Not some other woman's nipple.
3Britnee · 29/06/2021 14:54

@30degreesandmeltinghere

True story to beat yours.. My mil told me she couldn't bf as she had mastitis. She was in a lot of pain so HER dm helped drain some milk. And I don't mean by hand.. I felt more than a bit queasy... She also hated that I could bf and was always reluctant to admit that dc needed me not her.. Grim.
Fuck me. I'm speechless.
DistrictCommissioner · 29/06/2021 14:54

@Drivingmeupthewall

I think we all understand that wet nursing is and has been a thing, but this was not a lactating woman, this was a woman who randomly shoved her old boob into her crying granddaughter’s mouth and laughed when the baby was not happy. That’s not wet nursing. Confused
Non lactating women, in some cultures, will offer their breast essentially as a dummy.
IToldYouIWasCummins · 29/06/2021 14:55

My stomach actually heaved reading that. Completely vile.

IToldYouIWasCummins · 29/06/2021 14:56

Fuck me. I'm speechless

That made me lol

30degreesandmeltinghere · 29/06/2021 14:58

Apologies!!
She was an odd woman!!
The dc have very skewed memories of her...
As in her cooking was amazing - it wasn't.
And that she was a lovely lady - she def wasn't.
She def wore the trousers and fil was terrified of her... I am sure he died first deliberately for some peace before she arrived.. (down not up imo)..

MissMissTorrance · 29/06/2021 14:59

I'd have found that deeply disturbing and she'd never have seen me or my child again

1forAll74 · 29/06/2021 15:12

It is disturbing. and to witness that ,would stay with you a long time.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 29/06/2021 15:14

I love breastfeeding (extended breastfeeding, feeding on demand, night feeding etc - I'm super pro boob) and know babies often boob for comfort rather than milk but that is fucking weird as fuck!

Original poster
Evangeli · 29/06/2021 15:22

Reading these comments makes wonder if for MiL herself, growing up in a "transition generation" of very traditional cultural norms morphing very rapidly into western/modernized norms, she herself might have seen this practice as a child and thought it was roughly ok, but certainly I had never ever seen it or even heard of it as something people still do.

Thinking about it in this "cultural" way is actually more helpful to me than a weird twisted psychological way for MiL to establish her dominance over me/my DD, or whatever.

OP posts:
Drivingmeupthewall · 29/06/2021 23:32

I can’t stop being horrified by @30degreesandmeltinghere ‘s story. 😱 I’ve been repeatedly horrified all evening. I’ve just been horrified again.

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2021 23:44

@Thingsdogetbetter

Perfectly normal in many non-western cultures. Grannies/aunties do it as a soothing thing.
^^This. It's not something I'd do but it wouldnt freak me put so much I'd be posting about it 18 years later. Is that the best you've got?
BarbarianMum · 29/06/2021 23:45

This reply has been deleted

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inigomontoyahwillcox · 29/06/2021 23:50

My Brazilian ex-SIL did this, I was freaked out/livid.

Drivingmeupthewall · 29/06/2021 23:50

Jesus @BarbarianMum I don’t think there’s a racist undertone to the OP, as you appear to be suggesting. She made no mention of any race or even culture in her opening post.

EKGEMS · 29/06/2021 23:52

I preferred my son using his pacifier tbh

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2021 23:54

But @Drivingmeupthewallook at the thread. It's all so horrible!! Disgusting!!! So weird!!!

Maybe not racist but xenophobic definitely.

tallduckandhandsome · 29/06/2021 23:57

@Evangeli

Reading these comments makes wonder if for MiL herself, growing up in a "transition generation" of very traditional cultural norms morphing very rapidly into western/modernized norms, she herself might have seen this practice as a child and thought it was roughly ok, but certainly I had never ever seen it or even heard of it as something people still do.

Thinking about it in this "cultural" way is actually more helpful to me than a weird twisted psychological way for MiL to establish her dominance over me/my DD, or whatever.

I think this is definitely the right way to think about it. I think we have more cultural mores about breasts in the West.
SeeYouInFive · 30/06/2021 00:18

I just had the image pop into my head of my own MIL trying this with my baby DD and now I can’t stop involuntarily screaming.

pantjog · 30/06/2021 00:22

I was once at a friend’s house when she was looking after her friend’s baby while the friend went out for lunch.

Friend’s baby started crying and refused to be comforted. Babysitting friend tried putting (non-lactating) boob in baby’s mouth. Baby wasn’t impressed. At the time I found it slightly strange and a bit illogical (why would baby like a non-milky boob from a random?) but it was meant well (to comfort the baby) and not at all creepy. I’m not sure if she told the mum…

Original poster
Evangeli · 30/06/2021 00:23

btw, not being racist against MiL - we are of the same "race". The wet nursing thing never occurred to me until suggested by people now, here.

I don't know why I still remember it or wanted to post about it. I remember other random stuff too, from years and years ago- in sharp focus, but then others completely gone. Strange how memory works.

OP posts:
RoseRedRoseBlue · 30/06/2021 00:33

I seem to remember a lot of divided opinions when Salma Hayek breastfed a baby that wasn’t hers.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 30/06/2021 08:27

Oh fgs - people not liking something not from their home nation is not racist nor xenophobic.

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