To not check the prices of my DDs birthday presents?

[PassionFruitJaffaCake]

AIBU to think no-one does this or am I odd?
My DD recently had a birthday.

She’s still young enough to not care how much something costs.

My mum insisted on going through every present with her and then googling it to see how much someone may or may not have spent, and then ranking that on how much the person likes DD. Obviously anyone from her family who spent a small amount (her opinion of a small amount is £20 or under) is struggling for money but anyone from my dad’s family (they’re not together) who spent a small amount doesn’t like DD very much.

So my mums sister and BIL spending £15 were struggling financially, whereas my dad’s sister and BIL spending £12 meant they don’t like DD very much – it didn’t matter to her that DD loved both presents and ended up playing with the toys given together (both got her a doll like a Barbie but not Barbie they each got her a different brand, both ended up in DDs Barbie house and she now couldn’t tell you which aunt got her which doll).

I honestly don’t care what anyone spends on me or DD for Birthdays or Christmas, someones taken time out of their day to choose a present and spent their money whether they’ve spent £1 or £100. When choosing presents especially for family I think less about how much it costs and more about whether the recipient will like it, I am sure my family on both sides think the same.

Mum says everyone checks the prices of presents nowadays and forms an opinion of someone based on how much they spend. She seemed to think I was the odd one.

AIBU to think no-one does this? Or am I really strange in not doing this?

Gosh you mum is weird.

Also she's projecting. You need boundaries before your dc realise and pick up on it.

Yikes that's just weird

Sounds like the sort of thing my M would have done if she'd known how to use the internet.

My mother used to do things like this. She was a twat...
Don't let your daughter be witness to this madness.

Your poor daughter. You are her mother, you have a responsibility to protect her from your vile mother.

@PassionFruitJaffaCake

*Why did you tell your daughter that? Please tell me you didn’t let your mum do this shit in front of her? Otherwise, there is no reason to have that conversation with your daughter. 😳 I’d have told my mother to leave for that.*

@Cocomarine I'm a pushover when it comes to my mum, I feel very guilty so I just let her do things and sort out the consequences later.

yeah don't do this...stop being a pushover, you are BEGGING for trouble

Ngl I’ve done it before - When dd has been given a gift. I have done it so I know what to spend back on someone.

That's terrible by your mum, well done for telling your DD it's the thought that counts.
I wouldn't be telling your mum anything about presents received in the future.

I'm a pushover when it comes to my mum, I feel very guilty so I just let her do things and sort out the consequences later.

Including letting her mess up your daughter's mind the ways she's done with yours. I feel for you, I really do, although I can't help feeling worse for DD as you've made yourself complicit.

The weird thing is rating (all) gifters and doing it with a child. Doesn't seem a particularly healthy thing to do.

Your mum sounds horrendous. It's bad enough that she Googled the prices but for her to do it with your dd and then say to dd that people's gifts to her equate to him much they love her is poisonous.

You need to tell your mum.very firmly that she can't do this.

No offence but your mam sounds like a tit

Mum says everyone checks the prices of presents nowadays and forms an opinion of someone based on how much they spend. She seemed to think I was the odd one.

Mum is wrong! Everyone does not check the prices of presents. I feel confident in saying this despite not having proof but it is a very shallow thing to do and what surprises me more is that "mum" openly admits doing it.
Many gift items are fairly obvious which price range they are in but who the hell cares? The small children are not remotely interested in the price. As long as they like the gift/toy then that is what matters.

When my children were small they were often invited to birthday parties and I could not afford anything more than a fiver or less to buy them a gift. I really don't think any of the parents I knew would have dreamed of judging me or any other mother on low income, for the cost of a gift.

Maybe other incredibly materialistic and judgemental people also do this, if that’s what your mum means by “everyone”.

Don’t ever allow allow your mum to sit down with your daughter googling the price of her presents and telling her who apparently does and doesn’t like her based on the cost, again. That is fucking twisted and is giving your daughter the most appalling message.

This ^

Your mother sounds completely deranged. Don't let her spend time with your dc giving them this sort of message. Completely evil.

Your mum is in the wrong here.

Can't believe you let her do that to your daughter. How horrible on her birthday as well

Your mother is appalling!

The only time I have done this was for very different motive-I looked to see what a newish friend had spent on me purely to gauge what to spend on them. As I was anxious to get it “right”.
But I’d never do it as a measure of how much I’m liked and no-one would be allowed to do that to my DD

I am open mouthed reading this - how did you just stand by and let that happen??? I would have removed DC / changes the subject immediately what an absolutely awful thing to do.

I'd have a Big Chat about how wrong it was and how money doesn't mean anything and we can't possibly know what other people think. We also shouldn't care what other people think of us.

And I'd go ape shit at my mother and struggle to let her spend any time with DD if that's the kind of morals / messages she's giving out.

Fucking lunatic.

This is horrible. These days folk are struggling and a gift is a gift. My dgs are so grateful for even a card. Some of their best presents are cheap but they adore them. Very bad example sent from a gm who should know better

No one does that. Who has time for that

@PassionFruitJaffaCake

*Why did you tell your daughter that? Please tell me you didn’t let your mum do this shit in front of her? Otherwise, there is no reason to have that conversation with your daughter. 😳 I’d have told my mother to leave for that.*

@Cocomarine I'm a pushover when it comes to my mum, I feel very guilty so I just let her do things and sort out the consequences later.

Don't ever let your mum do this kind of behaviour in front of your daughter again!!! It's disgraceful

You mum needs help

Please distance yourself and children from her before she causes unrepairable damage

Don’t ever let her fo this with your Dd again.

Not only will it damage her view of both sides of the family it’s so awful and materialistic.
Your scared of dealing with your mums tantrum so will let her influence your DD’s view of others like this? WTF!

Literally no one does that.

Not appreciative or kind