To not check the prices of my DDs birthday presents?

[PassionFruitJaffaCake]

AIBU to think no-one does this or am I odd?
My DD recently had a birthday.

She’s still young enough to not care how much something costs.

My mum insisted on going through every present with her and then googling it to see how much someone may or may not have spent, and then ranking that on how much the person likes DD. Obviously anyone from her family who spent a small amount (her opinion of a small amount is £20 or under) is struggling for money but anyone from my dad’s family (they’re not together) who spent a small amount doesn’t like DD very much.

So my mums sister and BIL spending £15 were struggling financially, whereas my dad’s sister and BIL spending £12 meant they don’t like DD very much – it didn’t matter to her that DD loved both presents and ended up playing with the toys given together (both got her a doll like a Barbie but not Barbie they each got her a different brand, both ended up in DDs Barbie house and she now couldn’t tell you which aunt got her which doll).

I honestly don’t care what anyone spends on me or DD for Birthdays or Christmas, someones taken time out of their day to choose a present and spent their money whether they’ve spent £1 or £100. When choosing presents especially for family I think less about how much it costs and more about whether the recipient will like it, I am sure my family on both sides think the same.

Mum says everyone checks the prices of presents nowadays and forms an opinion of someone based on how much they spend. She seemed to think I was the odd one.

AIBU to think no-one does this? Or am I really strange in not doing this?

Very, very common.

Nobody I know does this! What a horrible thing to do!

In one word: yuck!

OMG your mum's behaviour is really crass. Please don't let her turn your dd into a mini version of her, that's just awful behaviour.

Your mum's ridiculous. Little children don't care at all. When small DD once got a card from a family member, inside was 4x£5 notes and a sheet of stickers. She threw the money over her shoulder and preceded to stick stickers all over herself and anyone within 5m and thoroughly enjoyed them.

Because she'd do it anyway as all presents from her family go via her, and she asks what it is. She also asks DD what Auntie X from my dads family got her.

You really need to create some boundaries here, your mum can do it all she likes but no way should your dd have to sit and listen to such nonsense about the apparent ‘value’

Thanks everyone, I only posted because my mum did make me wonder.

I honestly don't care how much people spend, even my very rich friends/family could spend £1 on a sticker book my DD loves rather than £50 on something she doesn't. It's the thought and effort that counts not the cost, well to me anyway.

I did tell my DD afterwards that we don't care how much someone spends or what they get we say thank you and smile.

My mum insisted on going through every present with her and then googling it to see how much someone may or may not have spent, and then ranking that on how much the person likes DD.

OMG.

Presumably your mother is a bit... unusual in other ways too?

Of course nobody does this! I would have put a stop to it right there and then.

Well you seemed to emerge without this trait so hopefully your daughter will be fine. Just don't let your mother involve your kid in that nonsense. It's beyond crass.

@PassionFruitJaffaCake

Thanks everyone, I only posted because my mum did make me wonder.

I honestly don't care how much people spend, even my very rich friends/family could spend £1 on a sticker book my DD loves rather than £50 on something she doesn't. It's the thought and effort that counts not the cost, well to me anyway.

I did tell my DD afterwards that we don't care how much someone spends or what they get we say thank you and smile.

Why did you tell your daughter that? Please tell me you didn’t let your mum do this shit in front of her? Otherwise, there is no reason to have that conversation with your daughter. 😳 I’d have told my mother to leave for that.

@Butchyrestingface

My mum insisted on going through every present with her and then googling it to see how much someone may or may not have spent, and then ranking that on how much the person likes DD.

OMG.

Presumably your mother is a bit... unusual in other ways too?

Well now you mention it...

@ScribblyBaller

Well you seemed to emerge without this trait so hopefully your daughter will be fine. Just don't let your mother involve your kid in that nonsense. It's beyond crass.

Thankfully my mum didn't learn how to use the internet until I was away at University so it hasn't rubbed off on me.

Why did you tell your daughter that?
Please tell me you didn’t let your mum do this shit in front of her?
Otherwise, there is no reason to have that conversation with your daughter. 😳
I’d have told my mother to leave for that.

@Cocomarine I'm a pushover when it comes to my mum, I feel very guilty so I just let her do things and sort out the consequences later.

Awful. You need to step in to stop this happening, though... children do t need to think about how much someone lkes them and how much they spend.

“What a great gift/ that’s so much fun/they know just what you love to do / aren’t they kind to think of something so fab/ I had something like that when I was your age and lived it, how brill that they remember / oooh, we can play with it tomorrow / how unusual/ aren’t you lucky that you’ve so many people who want to treat you/ that brown balaclava is going to be so toasty warm in February / my, garlic purée, that’s an interesting idea for a second birthday present/ whatever. “

Not “that cost £23.59 and Aunty Thibgy spent £21.28, let’s like them more”

It's ridiculous but this stuff matters to some people. My aunt has to spend the exact same amount on each child to the penny. Last Xmas my niece got a cheque for £1.28 to even everything out even though she was 2 with no idea how much anything cost to start with, but it's important to aunt that everyone is treated equally

Cross posted!

You know that your responsibility is your child and yourself. Not your bloody mother.

Your mum is batshit and a really bad influence. I wouldn't want her within 100 miles of my child. Fucking hell.... the damage people like that can do to a developing mind.

Well, your mother is at liberty to google present prices till the cows come home, but don’t let her involve your daughter.

Yeah that's weird. Like you said it's about if the person would like it. I'd much prefer someone spent £15 on a pretty pair of earrings or a tenner on a delicious tea box than they spent £100 on football tickets or high heels I won't wear.

Omg! Why didn’t you stop her doing that with DD?
I’d be worried that DD will be thinking “x doesn’t like me as much as y because they spent less”
plus you know how kids like to repeat things.

Awful that your mum did that & not normal at all.

Ouch, she is very manipulative isn't she! What a nasty way thing to do, trying to turn your DD against your Fathers side. If this was my DMum I would challenge her straight away.

It's awful, also really inaccurate. I tend to buy multiples of things when they're on offer and then use them for parties throughout the year. Tesco Clubcard prices are fantastic for that, they had the Barbie Fashionista dolls half price last week so picked up 3 for the cupboard as know several of DDs friends will like those when their birthdays come round.

Why did you let your mum do that?

Your mums a nutter. No one I know does this