About working full time with young children

[lemonadeandstrawberries]

My partner and I have a seven month old. Before I had her I had a pretty demanding senior role in a school. It was also over an hours commute. Went on maternity leave and handed in my notice. I applied for teaching roles without any additional responsibilities and was successful a few months ago. Due to start in September.

Since it’s a new role and not returning to one it’s full time. Not really ideal but my plan was to work full time and also to hopefully have another baby, then request more flexibility. Ideally a three day week.

I suppose what I’m wondering is once I’ve got this if it’s reasonable to maintain it long term. To be honest I’d prefer to. I’d like to do primary drop offs and pick ups and be available for some assemblies and so on.

But I’m also conscious that life isn’t cheap, my children will need help with house deposits and so on. Is it better to invest in their future?

I’m just looking for views on this I suppose.

Ah, no, he wouldn’t be going part time.

Obviously the teaching holidays are really good but it still means very young children being in FT nursery for several weeks at a time, which isn’t ideal really.

We both worked full-time until DS1 was 18 months - he's now 3. We then both dropped down to 4 days a week, and we do find that much better. I'm on mat leave with DS2 at the moment but will go back to four days, and I'd like to keep that pattern throughout the primary years, though would consider going back to up to full-time for a promotion.

Both doing four days is a lot more tax efficient than one working full-time and one working three days if you earn similar amounts (which we do). I've also noticed that three days vs four seems to be the dividing line between when you get treated as a 'part timer' and when you don't. DH is a teacher and he was able to keep his TLR when he went down to four days but was told he couldn't if he went any more part-time. I know it might just not be possible (though it always amazes me how many men insist that part-time work isn't possible in their industry but it turns out their female colleagues do it) but I would really consider doing this rather than just you dropping your hours.

I've also thought carefully about the more time now vs money for their future conundrum, and for us this feels like the right balance - for instance, we've just moved house and I really wouldn't have wanted to live and to bring up the children where we could afford on one salary or one full and one very part-time, but I don't think the bigger house in the same location that we could have afforded if we were both full-time would have been worth it to us. But obviously that's a calculation that will be individual to each family. It's also the main reason that I know we're done at two children, because I think a third would be the dividing line for us between being able to mostly provide for them as we want to as they become teenagers and young adults and really struggling to do that.

Personally, I’m choosing to earn as much as possible now with the intention of retiring fairly early (or retiring from this job anyway, I’ll still work in some capacity). If all goes to plan I’ll retire when DC1 is about 14, so just as they are starting their big exam years. I think a lot of people focus on the early years but I hear so many parents of teenagers saying they actually feel their kids need them more once they are older.

I have a 2yo and 3yo and both mix between nursery and gps. Private nursery so no holidays to worry about. I went back full time when both were 8m old. It's absolutely fine, just the cost of childcare as others have said.

I take it you will get the school holidays off if you work in a school? That will make things a million times easier for you!

@lemonadeandstrawberries

I really think some are totally misunderstanding me, and I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. I’m not saying ‘is this possible’ or ‘is this doable’. Obviously it is.

What I am asking is whether it is best. Bearing in mind we have no family to help.

I have understand your worries etc here. But once you get into your new routine you will look back and know that you were overthinking it. Your kids are not going to be better or worse off but you might be better as a family with more financial freedoms to offer your children things you otherwise could not. Personally I would go to work if I were you. Long term would be better

There's no right or wrong. It's a choice, one you take accepting both comes with risks.

I went back FT when my eldest was 6 mo this old and also after my second and that was the best decision I could have made.

When I separated from their dad I earned just enough to buy him out and have the mortgage on my name only. As they got older, I was able to pay for things that made a difference to their lives and made them enjoy their childhood.

I was able to help them pay for learning to drive, get their first car and insurance, help them a but through Uni.

I now am in a position to retire early and live quite comfortably which is a massive blessing. I'll be able to help with childcare and spend more time with my grandchildren if I have any.

I have friends who.opted to go PT. Some were never able to get on the ladder. All.of them gave to contemplate working until they are 67, which they find depressing. Their kids didn't get the sane opportunities.

It really all depends on your joint income and pension contribution.

Take step back from teaching after number 2 and tutor instead?

I’m not looking for promotions, now or in the future.

Unfortunately DP does earn significantly more than me. It wouldn’t make any sense to cut his hours.

But I don’t want to step back from teaching, or tutor.

Part time means much less paid into your pension. You say partner not DH. If you go part time him stay full time then split in 20 years you have no right to his pension. Married his pension would be split as part of divorce. Lots of women get stuffed in this way.

Pension is a consideration. Although I have to admit my own parents were obsessed with pensions, retiring early and doing all the things they wanted to do in their forties. Then they died in their fifties and sixties. So that does partly influence my view.

Can your DP put in a flex working request to enable him to do some pick ups/ drop offs ?
He's a parent too, they'd have to to consider it and it doesn't mean cutting his hours just rearranging his working day slightly.

IME you need most flexibility in infants and lower junior school.

It's comparatively straightforward (I am not saying easy :) ) to work FT when your DC are pre-school age- you just put them in FT nursery or employ a full time nanny/childminder.

By school age, as you've said, it's useful to be able to pick them up (I'd say drop off doesn't matter so much as you are literally dropping off) from school occasionally and it gives you flexibility for taking them to after school clubs. Plus they get ill, and covering this would be something that would ideally be split between both parents.

By older junior age (say 9) it starts to feel all less exhausting and this is a good time to go back to work full time (if you want to).

So I think you need to look for a balance and consider that you will do different things at different stages.

Could you come to an arrangement with DP where he pays into a personal pension in your name? I think even to retire at 65 you need a decent sum these days.

As Dixiechickonhols points out its not just DC's future to think about.

It would make no sense at all for DP to cut his hours. He earns a lot more than I do. Even if I went right to the ‘top’ as it were he’s earn a bit more!

No but that is why I’m posting

I have a good pension already. It’s better than DPs actually as I’ve paid into mine!

We will probably get married in the future. I’m not concerned about this.

@lemonadeandstrawberries

I’m not looking for promotions, now or in the future.

Unfortunately DP does earn significantly more than me. It wouldn’t make any sense to cut his hours.

If he earns a lot more than you then your calculation about money vs time is probably going to fall in a different place, because your salary is a lot smaller chunk of family money - for us giving up a big portion of either salary impacts hugely on our overall budget because we both contribute more or less half, for you that's different and so while clearly you will have more money working full -time it won't be as transformational for what you can offer your children.

@PurpleyBlue

Could you come to an arrangement with DP where he pays into a personal pension in your name? I think even to retire at 65 you need a decent sum these days.

A teacher's pension is going to be so much better than a private one that this will feel a bit pointless (and won't come close to bridging the gap between a full-time and 0.6 teacher's pension)

Dh and I both worked ft when ds was little. We made it work between us. With my second child I'd built my career and earnings to a point where I could drop to 4 days a week and still be comfortable. It's a great balance and I've really enjoyed some one to one time with dd, who is 6 years younger than her brother.

OP do read the CAB guidance on married v partners and ensure you are protected. By protecting yourself you are protecting your DC. You are falling into classic trap of it makes sense for me to go part time he couldn’t possibly alter his work so his earnings/career carry on unhindered.
Your DC need you at every stage. Make decision to go part time by all means but it will impact your savings and pension.
In your 60s you don’t want to be working due to inadequate pension and unable to spend time with grandchildren whilst ex dp is off on holiday with his wife benefitting from a full pension.

dixie we will be getting married.

Covid has been a factor in this.

Thanks

Honestly I would never work full time again until the DC are much much older (possibly even left home) I work 3 days with two small kids (one in reception and one at home) The two days that I can pick my eldest up are precious. It's time I can actually spend talking to him and helping with his homework, playing, relaxing. He doesn't want to be at after school club every day. Then there are activities he is bound to want to start doing after school that I can't take him to if I'm working and he likes having friends over.

I also love having the two days at home with my youngest who is growing so fast to see friends, go to toddler clubs, the farm etc when the places are quiet and not full of school kids. It's so different to having to do everything at the weekend! I also find I can get on top of all the washing and cleaning on my non-working days.

Each to their own and families function happily with all sorts of arrangements but for me personally I wouldn't choose full time unless absolutely necessary for financial reasons.

I earn lots more than DH but we’ve both cut our hours so we can both contribute to childcare and spending times with our children. I love how this isn’t even an option. You get the long school holidays I think work full time would be fine!