To be angry my options are very limited

[thelostwoman]

Hello all,
Sorry this is a really long post.
I think I am just using this as a way of letting off some stress/anger at my life and the part I've played in messing it up.
I am 30 years old and still haven't sorted any of my life out.
• I left school at 11/12 and only did 1 year at college at 16. So my education is non existent.
• I went from low skilled job to low skilled job only lasting up to a year at a time before moving on.
• I got pregnant at 26 to a much older man who is now like an alcoholic teenager who doesn't take responsibility. Upside I finally ended the relationship yesterday for good even though we have not lived together since Jan 2020 because of his habits.
• I have only 2 friends who both live the other side of the country and my family that are alive are either uninterested or toxic.
• I had a business that I ran from home that was my hope/future and was doing really well but my landlord has had to ask me to stop it because of his insurance. I can't afford to rent out office/storage space around this area.
• I have no idea how I'm going to manage a normal job as child minders that are left around my area either only take clients from 9-3 or/and don't do school runs to the school my DD has been assigned.
• Jobs that I am suitable for ask for complete flexibility in shifts/working hours which I can't do.
• To get an education I would first need to take GCSEs and then an access course, which under UC I can't do without losing most of the income they give.
• I have no idea what I would train in even if I could go to university.
• I am seriously looking at onlyfans/chaturbate/livejasmin/myfreecams and other camgirl sites as a way to make an income though I know it is very hard work and the top earners work 60+ hours a week between content creating and advertising.

I'm lying here next to my DD with her chest infection in bed and all I can think of is how much I'm failing her and how I wanted her to have a much better life than the one I had growing up. But my past choices have made it near impossible.

This has ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated. Hopefully some of you have made it to the end.

So AIBU to be angry at myself for my past decisions making my life even harder now?

Right, you aren't failing her.

Because you are wanting to improve the situation, you love her and take care of her. That's not failing her

Call the school, they may know of childcare that does pick up at the school. Join Facebook groups for the school. Most schools have parents Facebook pages. Someone might advertise there. Or ask if anyone does it. Then you know your options.

My friend is just finishing her access course and going to uni next year. The college helped her work out what was available to her, what funding would and she did continue to get UC. She wants to be a midwife. But she had to wait until her kids were a bit older. She had her first at 15 though.

Its not going to be easy and it's going to take a lot of research, but speak to as many people as you can.

Unfortunately we live in a world where our choices, as irresponsible teens (most teens are irresponsibme in some ways) impact our entire lives. My daughter is 17 and it horrifying me that some bad decisions now could impact her whole life.

I am only 40 and just managing to get somewhere.

I think people are led to believe changing your life is possible and fairly easy and it's really not. There will be a way, it's just going to take alot of time to figure it out.

No you're not being unreasonable to be annoyed by past decisions. I think so many of us assume it'll just work out somehow in the future which isn't guaranteed.

However, you do have some good stuff going for you. Your DD, a career history as well as the wherewithal to run a business successfully! You may not have the qualifications on paper but you're clearly capable.

Could you do adult level 2 courses of an evening/online to begin with? One step at a time?

I'm not going to comment on the only fans idea other than to say it wouldn't be for me.

You sound very practical. What business were you doing and maybe someone will have ideas? That's brilliant you left your ex.

I work with vulnerable children OP and I promise you you are not letting her down. She is safe and loved and what's more, she has a mum who is striving for better. You will work out a way, you always do and you're stronger than you know.

You aren’t failing her if she has a roof over her head, she’s warm, loved, clothed and fed !
Well done for getting rid of him. Onwards and upwards !

Could you find out what it would take for your landlord's insurance to cover your business? It may be possible for you to take out your own insurance which satisfies the landlord's insurance company.

First thing to do is to get the idea of the sex cam thing out of your head. See it as not an option. It is not an option for you. There. Off the list.

As someone said above talk to the school join school/local area groups and ask about childcare. See if there are community options. 30 is young, most of my friends from school/ college went back to some form of training around that age if not much later, my mil got her education at 50 and found a social work job. I know endless people with these stories. Endless. It is not easy but you get there in the end if you push on but be there for yourself too. Look after yourself, rest and have fun with your child. Talk to people in job centres, start finding out about online courses that can bridge the gap in your education (although if you did a year of college at 16 you're already ahead of a lot of people). All kid needs is a mother who is happy and is willing to try. If you're worried about what she thinks etc, all she thinks about is you. Get it right out of your head that you've failed her. As for the friend thing, sadly as people enter adulthood they don't have the friends they could have had, there's a lot of lonely people out there, don't worry about that for the moment but do look into something you'd enjoy doing

Op you are not failing. The very fact that you have insight into where you went wrong, means that you know what to change. And you are 30 which means you are young enough to turn everything around. Imagine being a decade older and only realizing all of that only then. You are a great parent, because you want better for your dd.

Given the difficult start in life you describe. I would say you are doing well. Always easy to be self critical after the event and we all mess things up at times. Online learning has got to be the answer.

I think the way forward is to keep your business going. As a PP said, could you sort the insurance issue or move somewhere where you could keep it going?

Weirdly, have no qualifications will open up some free options for you now.

Move on from the anger (understandable, but to be honest it's not all fucked up).

1. Was your business a viable income stream? If yes, it sounds like exploring options on doing outside of the home would be good. There are schemes for new business and start ups. Sometimes free rent in council start up hubs.
2. If the above works, does it take away the childcare issue? But be honest aboutcit being a business or hobby.
3. If a hobby business then you need to get a job. Think about what you like to do. What career options are there. You'll be able to get access courses. UC payments will support you going in at the bottom and working up. (I've done this).
4. It wont beceasy, but youve got this!

Are you on UC? If so ask your WC what training courses are available to help with your self confidence, gain qualification and help your employability prospects.

There are loads of free courses offered by the job centre which will help you to find a better job. Also some colleges offer free maths and English courses as they are generally funded by the government, and you can do a part time course and still receive UC. You can also do a full time course if you are a single parent and still receive UC, they just deduct any bursary/student loan from your entitlement.

You could also ask your WC about what support is available to set up a business.

Re childcare contact your local council they will have a list of all childcare provision in your area.

Hi OP,

First, a huge hug for you and your daughter...you're both going to be fine!

At 30, I had two small children, two failed marriages and was living in social housing feeling like my life was imploding, so in a similar situation to you. My second marriage had ended violently (I won't bore you with details!) but I had two choices...pull the duvet over my head and give up, or get myself a career that would get us out of the mess we were in.

I went to college, did an Access Course, then 12 months later started university and got myself a degree.

I'm now only a couple of years off retiring, at 57...so this was 27 years ago!! My children are adults and I am an Assistant Head Teacher in a primary school.

Stayed single though 🤣

You can do this 💪💐

You ran a business - that’s amazing. Through that you’ve developed skills. These are worth as much as education.

Look at places like pitman who offer free courses in excel etc.

I dont think you need to do GCSEs before you do an Access course, some are more advanced but there are definitely courses aimed at people with no qualifications.

@Wbeezer

I dont think you need to do GCSEs before you do an Access course, some are more advanced but there are definitely courses aimed at people with no qualifications.

You do need to have qualifications GCSEs or equivalent to do an access course to higher education.

You can do GCSEs alongside an access to higher education course, however it’s usually recommend to just do 1 course alongside as the access courses are generally very intense. Colleges also do a maths and English test prior to admission, and would strongly recommend a formal qualification before studying an access course.

I think you can do the level 2 maths and english alongside an Access course (level 3) but you may find the workload difficult and need Sciences if you are looking at going into a medical or technical field. Start small, free GCSE/level 2 courses are available part time via the local further education college or adult education provider.

Come over to the £10 a day threads, they've been running over two years now and some of us are earning a full time living from home now.

No qualifications needed

Caring in nursing home? Cleaner?
Nhs support worker. They also have a nursery attached.
Look at nhs jobs

Depending on the nature of your business, and what the insurance issue was, could you move house and set up the business again from there?

You sound resourceful. It's easy to become overwhelmed, but there are usually some options out there. And if your DD is at school already, it won't be long before she can be left alone for short periods. Or is there a club she could do to after school?

Agree with others that if your business was doing well, the best option is to try and keep it going.

Could you pay your landlord's insurance? What sort of space do you need? Instead of renting your own office, do you have any of those co-working spaces near you?

Good luck OP. You sound like you have your head screwed on, and you're doing much better than you think.

Thank you to everyone who has replied.
I really appreciate your kindness and advice.
I've spoken to the school but they've explained between covid and being a small school there isn't really normal childcare options. Over half of the childminders in our area have stopped working all together.

I've had a new development in the last few minutes just to make life worse.

My ex has said he wants his name off the tenancy ASAP, which means I will have to magic up a gaurentor which I can't and more than likely be given notice to leave. But that can go at the bottom of list of things to sort right now.

I am going to try give my brain a rest and just survive today and start looking in detail at options tomorrow.

I wish someone would have warned me that your teen years really set up the rest of your life. Though I doubt I would have listened.

Here the local library provides free maths courses during the day. It’s two contact hours a week working towards what you need. They start anytime of the year so you could go in on Monday and be on your way to that access course for next year.

Talk to your UC work coach about getting GCSE's, they will have some links to the local college or some other local provider and be able to point you to free courses, Studying for GCSE's won't effect your universal credit income.