To be angry my options are very limited

[thelostwoman]

Hello all,
Sorry this is a really long post.
I think I am just using this as a way of letting off some stress/anger at my life and the part I've played in messing it up.
I am 30 years old and still haven't sorted any of my life out.
• I left school at 11/12 and only did 1 year at college at 16. So my education is non existent.
• I went from low skilled job to low skilled job only lasting up to a year at a time before moving on.
• I got pregnant at 26 to a much older man who is now like an alcoholic teenager who doesn't take responsibility. Upside I finally ended the relationship yesterday for good even though we have not lived together since Jan 2020 because of his habits.
• I have only 2 friends who both live the other side of the country and my family that are alive are either uninterested or toxic.
• I had a business that I ran from home that was my hope/future and was doing really well but my landlord has had to ask me to stop it because of his insurance. I can't afford to rent out office/storage space around this area.
• I have no idea how I'm going to manage a normal job as child minders that are left around my area either only take clients from 9-3 or/and don't do school runs to the school my DD has been assigned.
• Jobs that I am suitable for ask for complete flexibility in shifts/working hours which I can't do.
• To get an education I would first need to take GCSEs and then an access course, which under UC I can't do without losing most of the income they give.
• I have no idea what I would train in even if I could go to university.
• I am seriously looking at onlyfans/chaturbate/livejasmin/myfreecams and other camgirl sites as a way to make an income though I know it is very hard work and the top earners work 60+ hours a week between content creating and advertising.

I'm lying here next to my DD with her chest infection in bed and all I can think of is how much I'm failing her and how I wanted her to have a much better life than the one I had growing up. But my past choices have made it near impossible.

This has ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated. Hopefully some of you have made it to the end.

So AIBU to be angry at myself for my past decisions making my life even harder now?

Where are you based? And what was your business?

I would agree with others.
Have you looked into all options to keep your business going?
You are good mother who loves her child and wants a good life for her.

Your thread OP, was the right thing for me to read today with the title of 'limited options' etc.

I actually find it quite inspiring and I admire your bravery in identifying how you feel about this. It is tough being a parent and you have successfully distanced yourself from an unhealthy relationship.

It is also tough, but rewarding being a single parent. But in some ways you are in an excellent position to move forward. Great that your business was going well, you must have the skills. Whether or not you keep it as a 'side' hustle or the main event it will be useful.

Colleges now have structured pathways which is kind of like doing quals step by step. You do the first step and they then point you towards the next.

Also some colleges and unis have work agencies where the help you to put your c.v. together and offer work opportunities like helping out at conferences etc.

I finished a degree in 2018 but lost confidence somewhere along the line, and then the pandemic came along and had to home school for ten months, which meant that my mental health suffered and somehow got stuck on benefits. But if I ever get to a job interview again, and they ask me what I had achieved during that time, I will say I home schooled DD and got her through her G.C.S.Es hopefully with flying colours though results aren't out yet.

Hopefully like you, although I'm much older I am recognising that some of my ways of thinking have limited me in the past, that I haven't seen or taken advantage of opportunities because I've not seen how they might be possible.

We all learn throughout life, and I've had major fuck ups, but come out the other side.

I'm in a different phase now, dealing with the last bit of my divorce settlement which is very stressful but hopefully when it is done I can do something new.

Thank you for posting, many things are possible
Advice in a nutshell from me would be 'just start' and enjoy the journey.

College/uni will bring new friends and possibilities, work, social etc. it is always worth it.

Take a look at the Open University.
They are doing some free courses atm.

They will certainly be able to point you in the right direction .

Sounds like you're really starting to get things sorted out. Being able to look at what you need to do, and then ideas of how to get there is a good start. With regards to the guarantor, there are companies which offer this service, usually to students & self employed. There is a charge to do it but def worth a look. You may find the landlord is willing to continue without a guarantor if you've been paying by yourself anyway

Your are being very brave OP. Put your regrets in an imaginary box and close the lid. Your future starts from today.

Your immediate need is for a job working from home that pays more than UC.
Look at

uk.indeed.com/m/jobs?q=Work+From+Home

For self employment could you do dog walking, cleaning or taking in ironing? Can you offer to pay your landlord a little extra to get insurance for a small home business.

Re degree courses the Open University offers great flexibility. If improving your earning capacity is your main goal think very carefully about the course. There are more direct job opportunities from taking a vocational course in say social work, education and computing but it must also be something you enjoy - try some free OU taster courses

www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses/full-catalogue

Good luck OP

Just wanting to reach across re the 'new development' in the last few minutes.

Just because your 'ex' wants you off the tenancy doesn't mean he has the right to get you off.

It's Sunday and difficult perhaps to access help. However you can contact the Citizens Advice Bureau. or try to check your rights online as soon as you can with them I think its citizensadvice.org

Or indeed Shelter - website or helpline tomorrow.

You are a single parent with a child, they can't just turf you off your tenancy - if anything your EX is the one who needs to be taken off it. Sounds like you are dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship so Women's Aid might be of help too.

Deep breath. Covid has fucked up childcare and work options for so many people - with the biggest impact on single mothers.

I think you've done so much and come so far, OP. You are going to go even further; it's just a question of how.

Your ex sounds like an utter arse. Please tell me you are claiming CMS from him? Shelter may be able to advise on the guarantor problem.

Like the others, take a look into the insurance options for your business. I don't know if it will apply, but the government is running a recovery loan scheme for businesses, from Covid-19, so that might be a way forward to get premises/grow your business.

www.gov.uk/guidance/recovery-loan-scheme.

Both of my parents left school with minimal qualifications. My father trained through the army to become an electrical engineer. My mother (moving every three years with him!), trained at local colleges and then the Open University for her qualifications. It took time and meant a lot of long evenings for them both around kids, but they did it. I am so proud of them both and they inspired me and my sister to go onto higher education, as we grew up. Anyone can learn at any age.

You are not failing your daughter. By showing her your resilience, bravery and ability to adapt, you are giving her the world..

Speak to Shelter about your housing situation.

With your business, could you run it from a hot-desk type environment, lock-up or communal space? Have a look for local initiatives that might be able to advise or support you with keeping it going - you might be eligible for grants or something. Might also be worth speaking to your bank?

Your opening post should be printed off as a leaflet and handed out to all year 9, 10 and 11 teens. As you rightly say, our life trajectory is often set in stone by the path we choose as teens, if you don’t have the correct support it’s very easy to make the worst decisions that impact you for years to come.

You’ve obviously done something right because you could be in a far worse situation than you are now so don’t be hard on yourself. You need a stable foundation before you can start building the future, get your housing situation sorted and keep the alcoholic well out of it.

If you’ve managed to start a successful business before then you can do it again, if you have an entrepreneurial flair you don’t need qualifications, you need a goal and if that means a hellish couple of years of juggling childcare and scrimping and whatever else is thrown at you then so be it. From what you’ve written already I think you would prefer this challenge rather than getting by on working a low paid low skilled job.

Let go of the anger in this, it will only hold you back.

Hi you should look at a childcare apprenticeship, you gain maths and English skills there aswell.

I may be wrong- but the council (here) have offices they can let small businesses/ charities use.
That may be incorrect or outdated- but it's worth asking about.
Good luck!!

You’re not falling her OP look at your
Post. Look at all the decisions you’re making for her and because of her.

The key thing here for me is if your business was doing well, is there any way at all you could start it again? I think that would be my focus as you’ve obviously done well with it. Know you say you can’t afford office space etc but is it the kind of business you can work out of any other type of place ie cafe etc or do you need space for products? Is there any possibility you could look at different insurance with your landlord?

www.simplybusiness.co.uk/knowledge/articles/2021/02/uk-small-business-grants/

www.lepnetwork.net/local-growth-hub-contacts/

I think you are trying to climb too many mountains at once. find a job any job min wage and get UC.
Give yourself at bit of time and breathing space then look at career and business opportunities .

Web cam work is well paid and theres nothing wrong with it. But it should be because you want to do it not because you have to .

There is a growth in shared work spaces. You may well find somewhere with capacity for you at a low rent or to rent by the day . Try asking on local social media or if you find premises offer to share. Is there a start up business group locally? Are you eligible for social housing if your ex is withdrawing support?

First off you likely dont need GCSEs, many colleges have an equivelancy that can be done in a week (a day if you already know the infomation).

I lost my GCSE certificates so theres no proof I ever did them and I have had to do the equivilancy at every college I attended or applied to, its just basic english and maths tests needed usually.

It depends what you want to study/do really - I got qualified to be a nail technician for like £300 in just a few weeks (cant remember how many weeks exactly but it was under 10. Im certified and on a register that allows me to get profesional insurance and work in salons) but obviously more accademic subjects can take a lot longer.

Webcam work is only a short fix and if you have a difficult relationship with ex it may lay you vulnerable to being exploited or reported.

I dont have any suggestions but couldn't not post to state my real admiration for you. You absolutely sound like someone who will make it through this. Leaving school at 11/12 was NOT a poor choice on your part.. for that to happen you were failed by the adults around you, be that family/school/services.. and you have been paying for their failure ever since. Instead of making it about other people though you are looking at how YOU can help yourself now. You are a bloody inspiration.

Move. What is keeping you in this area? You can also study in your own time with open university or something? For GCSEs you can study the curriculum and just pay to take the exam when you're ready. So much of education is online now too. You could do a part time access course one day a week without needing childcare if you do distanced learning. There are those options for education. Do you know what you'd like to do?

@Didiplanthis

I dont have any suggestions but couldn't not post to state my real admiration for you. You absolutely sound like someone who will make it through this. Leaving school at 11/12 was NOT a poor choice on your part.. for that to happen you were failed by the adults around you, be that family/school/services.. and you have been paying for their failure ever since. Instead of making it about other people though you are looking at how YOU can help yourself now. You are a bloody inspiration.

Also this ^

When your dd is 11/12, you are going to really realise how badly you were failed.

I really admire you OP. You have your head screwed on I think.

Access courses to university are fine to have as a goal, but university is bloody expensive and isn’t the answer to everything.

I would definitely focus on GCSEs first as these will open up loads of options for you. First seek help for the housing issue, ideally finding a place where you can keep running your business (what is it?). Could moving to a cheaper area be a possibility? You say your friends live far away- is there any possibility of moving closer to them?

Good luck

Might be helpful for your to contact your local credit union. It takes a while after you join to get a loan, but it is better than credit cards to help you though and interest rates very low.

If your credit rating isn't great it may be an option. It really helped me when I first left my ex. Google credit union with your area.

I know things are hard at the moment but it sounds as though you have achieved some successes in life, despite lack of education. Not many people can run a business but you did; it's a pity your landlord found out. You are also thinking of other things you can do. I wish you every success (and hope your daughter is soon well).

@thelostwoman
Ohhhhhh I so agree about the teen years thing.

But nowadays degrees are ten a penny, and not ''Worth'' as much as they were, but obviously it depends on the course.

'Mature' students tend to do very well.

A student at college bombed all their exams at school...but got four Science A grades at A level as a 'Mature' {Non modular} and it just shows what can be done.

If you haven't studied for a while, GCSE is probably a very good idea, it gets you used to studying again.
The brain is like a muscle and needs working out. It may seem daunting at first, but gets easier.

Forget seedy men webcams...You don't want that coming back to bite you in future.

Good Luck!