Is this bad/flaky?

[Ohdear7777]

I have anxiety which has got worse over lockdown so can’t really tell. But I do think this is bad and feel guilty Over it!

I’m in a new role and have been in it for about five months. Have gone into office since we’ve been able to but occasionally running late or whatever (eg anxiety has popped up) or just had an early morning meeting booked in. Sometimes I’ll have arranged with a colleague of my level or slightly more senior to coord a day in the office and then will message early that day saying that I’m going to come in at lunch or that I’m not feeling great that day so will WFH. I do joke with them that WFH has spoilt me and I know I’ve been a bit unreliable with making plans to come in. It hasn’t actually affected our planned meeting or anything, it’s more of a social thing. But now I’m nervous I’m seen as flaky or non dependable because of it?

Can I change this reputation if this is how people see me? And if so how - just by sticking religiously to the days I have planned and being in early to reduce the anxiety? Sorry for this really basic Q, thoughts are swirling around my head right now and I just want to “get it right” if that makes sense and get a reputation for the “right things”!

Well "getting it right" would start with being there on time on the days you say you are supposed to.

I understand you have anxiety but yes you are being flaky.

Yes, it does come across as flaky and will make you look unreliable. Especially if you do it to colleagues who are senior to you. Stick to the plans you have made, especially as you are the one to have arranged for you both to be in on the same day. I'd lose patience with this very quickly.

Yes very flaky. You have arranged to go in and then let them know at the last moment.
If I was your boss I would be having serious words at your annual review.

Well, to be honest it does sound a bit flaky. I think if you arrange a face to face meeting you should attend if you can and not joke about it. If you're ill or struggling with anxiety then that's fine but you should give people as much notice as possible and explain clearly and make sure your team/manager are ok with you rearranging plans at the last minute. If you just don't go in and make a joke of it you will come across as unreliable and will get a reputation. I wouldn't particularly want to rearrange my diary to fit in with someone and then have them drop out.

Yes if I was your boss we would be having an informal meeting to see how we could work together to improve this very soon
If that didn’t work it would be the start of performance related meetings then ultimately disciplinary
I do not need flaky staff nor do rest of my team

Plus everyone seems to have "anxiety" at the moment and it's used as an excuse for all manner of poor behaviour. Without wanting to minimise your struggle you need to work to overcome the issues it presents for you in the workplace. Speak to your manager or HR.

Yes, you are being flaky and it will reflect poorly on you.

You need to show up when you say you’ll show up.

Sorry OP but this really isn't acceptable. Either ask if you can WFH permanently or stick to your arrangements.
Some of us don't have the luxury of WFH at all!

* Sometimes I’ll have arranged with a colleague of my level or slightly more senior to coord a day in the office and then will message early that day saying that I’m going to come in at lunch or that I’m not feeling great that day so will WFH.*

^So you have only been in this job for 5 months and this is your behaviour? I’d fail your probation if you were a member of my staff. You are taking the piss, trust me your behaviour will definitely have been noted higher up.

Also be very careful as you have few employment rights for the first 2 years, and at 5 months I'd imagine still in your probation period.

I have an anxious child and we talk a lot about reducing stress levels by squishing big things down into smaller things by practising them. I think this is what you need to do here - just start pushing yourself to really stick to going in. Once you've done it a few times, it won't feel anything like so difficult.

And yes I do think you need to turn it round for reputation's sake, just by doing it.

You actually tell them you're "not feeling great" so will work from home instead?!
I would prepare for a summons to a formal meeting very soon, and you'd be very foolish to decide not to attend.

Sorry OP, but I think it’s more than flaky and wouldn’t wash where I work at all, and my workplace is hugely flexible.

Did you move roles internally 5 month ago, or was that when you joined the organisation?

It hasn’t actually affected our planned meeting or anything, it’s more of a social thing
You have to be joking?

Yes.
Can you get some help for your anxiety?you really cannot continue using this as an excuse and you need to make a plan of how you will reverse your professional reputation which is probably in tatters by now.
Turn up when you should.
Don't make excuses.
Work in the office and remain there.
Speak to your manager,explain you realise you have lapsed your usual high standards for x reason (s) and you fully intend now to become again a fully reliable and committed employee and that you appreciate their patience and understanding.
Good luck.🌈

Jesus. You'd be on a written warning by now if I was your boss.

You don't arrange a meeting with me and then send a jokey text saying you'll be in after lunch or you'll work from home.

It's appallingly bad practice. If you are supposed to be in work you have to go. Saying you have anxiety just isn't good enough.

In the hopes that this is not yet another thread that the OP doesn't come back to, OP, what have you done to try to help yourself mental-health wise?

After 5 months you're already bailing out? Yes, it doesn't look great. Being where you are meant to be at the right time is the bare minimum.

@SuperCaliFragalistic

Plus everyone seems to have "anxiety" at the moment and it's used as an excuse for all manner of poor behaviour. Without wanting to minimise your struggle you need to work to overcome the issues it presents for you in the workplace. Speak to your manager or HR.

This. Feeling anxious is part of life and frankly no one actually really wants to go to work, so you need to try not to get into the habit of going in even if you don't feel like it. I do have a diagnosed MH problem and am on meds for it so I'm not just saying this - you have to do things you don't want to sometimes.

You must seem flaky! Get your schedule together, consider yourself not wfh unless instructed. Work isn’t social generally so I’m a bit confused over that.
If someone, particularly someone senior has arranged meetings etc and you don’t rock up them you may well be surplus to requirements. You are very new to the team and in a precarious position.
If you want to keep the job, get your shit together.

Sorry, rogue 'not' there 🙄

Yes it’s flaky and you need to get a handle on this quickly or I imagine you’ll be in the bosses office for a ‘chat’ about it.
If you were cancelling early morning meetings at the last minute on me I’d be very annoyed with you if I’d turned up. flaking out at the last minute (whatever the reason) is wasting other people’s time and will be frowned upon.

Totally unreasonable. What if the person you were due to meet would have preferred to work from home but went in purely to catch up with you? Your actions show a complete lack of respect and courtesy towards your colleagues and their time.

On one hand it sounds like people are flexible about meetings and there is still a large degree of wfh in your office so your actions may not appear as bad as if everyone was routinely working 9-5 with unpaid overtime.
Is this what its like and now you feel you may have overstepped the mark? Are you keeping up with the work and is it just the in office meetings that are worrying you?
By saying things like I do joke with them that WFH has spoilt me and I know I’ve been a bit unreliable with making plans to come in you are handing others tools with which to criticise you from your own lips. Stop saying that.
Why do you joke about it? You are just highlighting it.
If you need to change plans - just say I'm sorry I need to change plans not "joke" that you are spoilt.
You can't change the past but you can change how you behave in future. Are you keeping up with the work but stressing about meetings? Or are some parts of the work overwhelming or not clear?
Can you step back, look at the work you are doing and make sure you've been doing it well enough. If not is that caused by something you need to discuss with a supervisor? Perhaps solving these types of issues would make you feel more confident about the in office meetings.
Stop apologising for your very existence and stop arranging things and then cancelling them. Promise yourself that if you make plans you will prepare everything you need for the meeting/visit well in advance and stick to the plan. Demonstrate from now on that you can be reliable.
If you can't do something because you are not feeling well use a professional description of the reason why you can't and stop putting yourself down to others.
If you feel you have done what you should have and have less to apologise for, you will feel less anxious.

It’s not great 5 months in.
I also think the more you put off coming in, the harder it will be to start doing it regularly because it’ll become more built up and the pressure will seem more intense - which in turn won’t help your anxiety.

I know it depends on the culture of your workplace but could you speak to your manager and explain why you’ve been cancelling office days, and see if they can offer support or similar?