Is this bad/flaky?

[Ohdear7777]

I have anxiety which has got worse over lockdown so can’t really tell. But I do think this is bad and feel guilty Over it!

I’m in a new role and have been in it for about five months. Have gone into office since we’ve been able to but occasionally running late or whatever (eg anxiety has popped up) or just had an early morning meeting booked in. Sometimes I’ll have arranged with a colleague of my level or slightly more senior to coord a day in the office and then will message early that day saying that I’m going to come in at lunch or that I’m not feeling great that day so will WFH. I do joke with them that WFH has spoilt me and I know I’ve been a bit unreliable with making plans to come in. It hasn’t actually affected our planned meeting or anything, it’s more of a social thing. But now I’m nervous I’m seen as flaky or non dependable because of it?

Can I change this reputation if this is how people see me? And if so how - just by sticking religiously to the days I have planned and being in early to reduce the anxiety? Sorry for this really basic Q, thoughts are swirling around my head right now and I just want to “get it right” if that makes sense and get a reputation for the “right things”!

So basically sometimes is just twice and you’re already telling people you’re unreliable?

Have you sought help for your anxiety?

Oh I’ve seen your update OP. I’m not sure why you posted in the first in that case.

@NCwhatsmynameagain

Oh I’ve seen your update OP. I’m not sure why you posted in the first in that case.

It does seem a complete rewrite, it’s now twice only and they never planned to meet.

Maybe it’s severe anxiety.

Even from your lofty heights of ‘middle management’, OP, I’d still have invited you in for a ‘chat’ to see how we could best support you find out what the fuck you were playing at.

I understand that you have anxiety but this behaviour does come across as flaky. Someone I know does this sort of thing regarding meeting up. If they'd just say, "Sorry anxiety is through the roof, I can't make it" (as one of my other friends does), then that would be fine.
To just cancel without explanation or promise something then not do it is very flaky indeed.

@Onairjunkie

You’d have had a ‘let’s see what we can do to support you’ let’s see what the fuck you’re up to and if it’s valid and if legally we have to keep you meeting if you worked for me, by now.

Exactly ! Really not sure how people get away with this kind of thing in any organisation.

I suspect we were expected to find OP all ditsy and cute and ‘what am I like’. When really she is flakey AF.

If it was actual work-related meetings, and you were doing this frequently, as your first post suggested, then yes, you could be seen as flaky. But two purely social meetings, which do not seem to have involved ironclad arrangements anyway - no. If you're worried, you could perhaps make it even clearer in the future that you'd like to meet if you're there, but your timetable for the day is a bit changeable.

I would not say that 'you've been spoilt by WFH' as the reason; the could sound frivolous. Say you were unwell if you were.

I hope things become less stressful.

I manage a team of mostly recent hires.

If any of them did this, they'd be on a yellow card warning.

Mid mgmt you say

You sound unreliable OP. Be there when you say, on time.

haha - nice try, OP.

Riiiight. So nothing to do with your anxiety then? 😂 Even "mid Mgmt" have bosses who might call them in for a chat.

It's you cancel last minute you look like you don't give a shit about anyone's else time.

Going forward, be considerate and respect other people's time, once you commit to something.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Mid mgmt you say

😂

Totally get where you are coming from, as your exaggeration makes sense with you blowing this out of proportion in your head. Actual answer to your question, taking into account your update.

Yes, telling someone you are going in and then not going in multiple times will make you look flaky. It sounds like you have only done it a couple of times, so do try to avoid doing it again if you can. A simple, practical solution would be not to commit to going in unless you have meetings, so when colleagues ask you, you can reply with: " I will try to arrange my office day for then" or "yes, hopefully I'll be in on that date but it depends on my meeting schedule/what work I've got on". You could also use better excuses, e.g: "I'm going to be more productive working from home today".

I think that where you may be going wrong, perhaps due to anxiety, and perhaps affecting your reputation, is in emphasizing and exaggerating your weak points far too much. Your first post did imply that you were frequently failing to keep arrangements, which would be flaky. Then it turns out that you only did so twice, and not with regard to work-related meetings. That changes the situation. But if you go around saying that you're unreliable, frequently fail to keep arrangements, are spoilt by WFH, etc,, then people are likely to assume that if even you are saying this, it must be true,. (As indeed seems to be happening on this thread,) So the best idea is to be less globally self-deprecating, and to work on the specific, less serious problem: as I said earlier, if you would like a social meeting, but aren't quite sure if your schedule/health will permit it, then let people know in advance that these are only tentative arrangements, so that they don't prioritize them over other things, and don't end up feeling let down and as though you've wasted their time.

@Ohdear7777

Hello all, op again! Thanks for the comments! I feel like I hugely misrepresented myself in my opening post hence why I’m late back to the thread. I have had a look back through comms and essentially I stuck to plans 95% of the time. The 5% I didn’t stick to were two occasions: colleague of my level messaged saying they were coming into the office a couple of days in a row and they’d “see me if I was there” - subtext, these were their plans and they would still come in whether or not I planned to. I ended up not going in on the days but apologised profusely (as had agreed the night they messaged to go in). We are not working together and as I say it was purely a social thing...

Secondly my office is casual and relaxed from a wfh or office persective (many people haven’t been in yet) albeit I wouldn’t ever break plans with someone senior or even my level who I had actually agreed to meet with in person! I’m not that unprofessional.

Further, any client meetings or similar (or f2f meetings with any colleagues) i have kept and been early for - other colleagues have actually cancelled on me, which is fine and not a big deal.

Anyway sorry for dripfeed and inadvertent exaggeration in my OP. Clearly I am nervous about being regarded to be flakey or whatever (driven by the anxiety I assume which yes is diagnosed and yes I’m working through) so will take the helpful tips provided and use them, so thanks for those!!

Those with arsey comments about how they would “invite me in for a chat if I was in their team” - I’m mid mgmt so not a little workplace newbie!! But thanks all the same x

Why were you so worried then? Surely with all your ‘mid management’ confidence you’d know what you were doing is fine then?

Thanks for the laugh this morning OP

Op, I understand you have anxiety.

But your later posts are quite snappy and aggressive.
Do you react in a similar way in your rl interactions? Because that may be more of an issue than your flakiness that isn't

it is a bit unusual to be this concerned over two small things...