Is this bad/flaky?

[Ohdear7777]

I have anxiety which has got worse over lockdown so can’t really tell. But I do think this is bad and feel guilty Over it!

I’m in a new role and have been in it for about five months. Have gone into office since we’ve been able to but occasionally running late or whatever (eg anxiety has popped up) or just had an early morning meeting booked in. Sometimes I’ll have arranged with a colleague of my level or slightly more senior to coord a day in the office and then will message early that day saying that I’m going to come in at lunch or that I’m not feeling great that day so will WFH. I do joke with them that WFH has spoilt me and I know I’ve been a bit unreliable with making plans to come in. It hasn’t actually affected our planned meeting or anything, it’s more of a social thing. But now I’m nervous I’m seen as flaky or non dependable because of it?

Can I change this reputation if this is how people see me? And if so how - just by sticking religiously to the days I have planned and being in early to reduce the anxiety? Sorry for this really basic Q, thoughts are swirling around my head right now and I just want to “get it right” if that makes sense and get a reputation for the “right things”!

It will definitely affect how people view you and I’m not sure people will ever really see you as anything other than flaky / unreliable as you can only make one first impression . Sorry .

Are you getting help with it? If not, speak to your gp. I have a friend like this and even though everyone tried to be understanding, the fact she was always the instigator and left us standing in trainstation etc is making it VERY hard to not say something harsh. She wasn't turning up for job either. Now she got new pills it's much better.

If you are too anxious to go into an office and applied for a job that requires it, even informally, you shouldn't have done so. You'll need to stick to the times for a while.

That may, and I do emphasise the may, be acceptable if you were a long term member of staff (I would still be pissed though).

As a relatively new member of staff who is still building their reputation it is not a good practice to back out of things last minute

I assume you have not had any form of formal appraisal yet. This will likely be noted as part of your feedback as they will likely gather feedback from your peers, especially for someone new

It is flaky in that it makes you come across as unreliable. If I was your boss and I needed someone for an important meeting, I wouldn’t choose you because I would feel nervous that you wouldn’t show up. I would choose someone dependable. In this way it could stop you being promoted and things.

Whether or not it’s ‘bad’ depends on the company culture. Is it common to be very casual/cancel work time last minute? If so then it probably is ok at your workplace. It wouldn’t be acceptable anywhere I’ve worked.

Also, it’s normal to feel nervous/anxious, the job is still quite new to you! I think many people feel like any sort of discomfort is totally abnormal, but I always feel very anxious the first few weeks at a new job. If I put off going in, that anxiety would get worse, but I go in and get used to everything. When it’s familiar I feel settled and the anxiety goes.

@Kanaloa

Also, it’s normal to feel nervous/anxious, the job is still quite new to you! I think many people feel like any sort of discomfort is totally abnormal, but I always feel very anxious the first few weeks at a new job. If I put off going in, that anxiety would get worse, but I go in and get used to everything. When it’s familiar I feel settled and the anxiety goes.

She's been there five months...

Yes but she mentions in the op that she has only been going into the office recently because of lockdown. It’s still a new environment and a new routine.

Yeah I wouldn’t be making jokes about being spoilt wfh when you can’t get into the office on time. Especially to senior colleagues.

You can turn it around. Just be super reliable going forwards and they could chalk it up to a bumpy start.

You sound very unreliable and in your position I'd be careful. Your employer doesn't need a reason to fire you within the first 2 years of your contract, they can do it in a whim, probation or no probation.

Your not the only person to have developed anxiety lately. But the best thing you can do is start keeping your promises and being punctual. Don't worry about labels, worry about how you are treating your colleagues

Absolutely flakey.

Totally unreasonable. What if the person you were due to meet would have preferred to work from home but went in purely to catch up with you? Your actions show a complete lack of respect and courtesy towards your colleagues and their time.

This. It's really, really rude OP.

Being frequently late / cancelling loads and dismissing it breezily each time isn't a quirky character trait like lots of people seen to think it is. It's rude.

I think it depends on the culture of the office a bit. What you’re doing wrong is to commit to one thing and then bail. You’d be better to say you’re going to come in for the meeting, do that and then come home shortly after, but then stick to it.

Are you new to employment? I can understand that if this is your first job you might have to ask if you're if you being flaky. If not it should be perfectly obvious, although even a young employee should know that you don't just turn up when it suits you

I have a couple of team members that suffer with anxiety and other mental health issues. Can you have a confidential word with your boss and explain the situation? Might take the pressure off. Can you also make sure the meetings you are booking are at times you'll be able to acheieve without having to cancel or let anyone down? Like in the afternoon? The more pressure you put on yourself the harder it is. Can you see a counsellor for a couple of sessions to get some new tips to help support you? You arent alone with this x

@4PawsGood

I think it depends on the culture of the office a bit. What you’re doing wrong is to commit to one thing and then bail. You’d be better to say you’re going to come in for the meeting, do that and then come home shortly after, but then stick to it.

I'm not sure there's any office culture that allows agreeing to face to face meetings and failing to show up at the last minute to go unremarked, tbh. Particularly when the flake thinks there's something inherently amusing about it and "jokes" about being spoilt and sends a casual message that she'll be in at lunchtime instead. Op doesn't sound nearly senior enough to hope to get away with such behaviour.

You sound very unreliable. If you carry on like this you’re not going to have a job for much longer.

Particularly when the flake thinks there's something inherently amusing about it and "jokes" about being spoilt and sends a casual message that she'll be in at lunchtime instead.

I agree, this is what's especially rude.

It smacks a bit of 'ooh what am I like?!' which is so unprofessional especially in a new role. Foolish too, five months in!

This is totally normal in my office. It can be annoying as I do things like book gym classes in the city and then the meeting gets moved to teams. Arrangements to go in are extremely casual though.
If you’re just meeting people in the office socially though it’s still irritating to bail eg if people have bought train tickets, booked gym classes, drinks etc around you. Just stick to your plans or give more notice if you are changing them. Or keep them very casual and don’t commit to going in on specific days.

This is really poor behaviour and I suggest you address it immediately before anyone decides to do it for you. Do you not have any concern for the people you have dragged into the office only to not show up. I’d be really cross if that happened to me and if it happend more than once I’d most definitely address it with your line manager. It’s beyond flaky. It’s appalling and unprofessional. You will already have got a reputation for it.

I do joke with them that WFH has spoilt me and I know I’ve been a bit unreliable

The only way to look less flaky and less unreliable is to ensure you turn up consistently and work professionally over a period of months. Do not joke as you say you do - honestly with some of the things you've said I wouldn't be surprised if you were heading for a HR meeting. You really need to focus and work and demonstrate you are reliable if you don't want to lose the job.

So this is another post and run thread I see. Don’t understand why people ask for advice and then don’t acknowledge any of it (even if it’s not what they expect)

You’d have had a ‘let’s see what we can do to support you’ let’s see what the fuck you’re up to and if it’s valid and if legally we have to keep you meeting if you worked for me, by now.

I think they will be regretting their decision to hire you.