To be annoyed by DH and his comment about my work?

[Bitesizerainbows]

I’ve been a sahm for three years and have recently gone back into a job that I really wanted but is totally different from anything I’ve done before.
It’s involving meeting lots of new people, DH has been a bit heckles up when any of them have been men. Mainly I’m working at home but I’m having a few in person meetings now.
A couple of weeks ago I had a Teams meeting and one of the men on there said it would be good to have a meeting between my organisation and his. He then emailed me to arrange a meeting and would like to meet face to face, probably because he’s sick of meeting everyone virtually like the rest of us.
DH came into the room whilst I was working and read the email over my shoulder and I could see he wasn’t very happy about it and he said ‘why does he want a meeting with you?’ so I said he’d just requested one as we work in the same field and with the same sort of people. He made a sort of huh noise and asked how this man knew of me, I said we’d ‘met’ on a Teams meeting once before and DH said ‘yeah, he’s obviously thought that’s a nice little hottie with good tits, I’d like a piece of that.’
Aibu to find this massively annoying? The worst thing is it makes me defensive and I haven’t even done anything! Also I’m late 30s and I don’t believe this man has ANY ulterior motives in suggesting we meet. None at all.

I really think he is projecting.

When with xh I was at the shop on our road and a male neighbour was in the shop we walked back towards our houses chatting.

H was furious and said he must want to shag me. Apparently, a male neighbour never speaks to a female neighbour unless 'they want to fuck them'. It was ridiculous.

5 months later, he was our walking the dog I looked out of the window and saw him walking back up the street with a female neighbour chatting away.

When I pointed out, he was the one that said men only speak to their females neighbours of they want to fuck them, that meant he wanted to fuck the female neighbour he accused me of being insane.

It turned out, he had in fact, fucked the neighbour.

He isn't trying to protect you from big bad men. He assumes all men think like he does.

And he also assumes that no one could possibly take you, as a professional, seriously and would only want to meet to sleep with you.

You definitely need to meet this guy

and get really dressed up too

So everything Set apart this is telling you how he views his own female colleagues.

Which makes my skin crawl.

I do find it a bit odd someone would be suggesting face to face meetings just now if they’re not absolutely necessary and can be done over Teams.I suppose it depends where you are in the country and how much has opened up though and it sounds like it’s the norm where you are.

He is clearly very insecure, though if this is a one off then maybe it was some weird way of complimenting your appearance?!

Or maybe he is just a sexist dick, sorry OP.

Your dh is a jerk and being an utter #hancock

Tell him to grow up and stop sexualising a professional interaction into an opportunity to indulge in his own office fantasy..

Tell him to get fucked. Misogynistic twat 🤯

Your husband is a jealous possessive dick.

Taking aside the misogyny and likely projection (which is awful) the implication that professionally you're not worth meeting in person is really horrible.

I guess that's rooted in the above misogyny, but I would take it personally too, like he doesn't think I'm good enough at my job and instead should be at home looking after the kids and him under his watchful eye.

Ewwww. What a hideous outlook he has on life. There is no reason for people to want to meet except for sex? I am so glad I dont work with him. But I am sorry for you.

Ffs. Your husband is a controlling, misogynist arsehole. Get your head out of the sand, OP. It's clear from your subsequent posts that he as always been possessive and has no respect for you or for women in general. Men like that are pathetic tbh.

These posts make my heart sink to my boots. Why do women marry such inadequate men? I hope you don’t have anymore children with him and I hope you foster some self esteem and escape.

That comment he passed is so insulting. It’s horrible to think that this is how he views potential female colleagues or indeed, women in general. He is also extremely patronizing and condescending and I certainly wouldn’t be putting up with it. How dare he!

Is this how DH views his female colleagues? He's a fucking pig & I would have thrown a cup of tea at him. Which is probably why I'm single. But don't put up with this shit. He's undermining you & quite frankly, appears to be coercive controlling.

I just came on to add my euugghh....
If you like your partner, op, we are not on the same wavelength.

Seriously @Bitesizerainbows this thread now has 114 posts.
Some from you, and one poster who is on a different planet from all of the rest of us.
So that's got to be over 100 people telling you that this is NOT a normal way of speaking to a partner and is NOT a normal way of thinking. (Even putting aside the fact he read your work e-mail).
What really worries me is that you don't even seem to be too concerned about any of this - it sounds like you have come to accept this as normal.
It really isn't.

Try Womens aid or google The Freedom Programme.

Abuse doesn't need to be physical. You should not be accepting this behaviour as normal. You should not be accepting him talking to you (or anyone) like that.

Please have a look at a way of getting out of this awful place you are in.

Your husband is not trying to protect you. He's trying to control you.

His being jealous is not him displaying how much he loves you.

His comments were objectifying and disgusting.

He clearly has zero respect for you and all other women.

Well, you got yourself a catch there! Lucky you’re pretty laid back about it all 😲 I wouldn’t tolerate that behaviour for a split second

Yabu is that what he thinks when he meets women?
Even if they were thinking that, I’d be annoyed he couldn’t trust my judgement.

Awful @Bitesizerainbows and you have my utmost sympathy. I think a lot more men have tendencies like this, than some women care to admit though. I think his reaction, and his behaviour is not necessarily showing that he thinks very little of you, but moreso that he is jealous and threatened.

My DH has a tendency to behave like this occasionally.

He used to work with lots of women, and thought nothing of chitter chattering to those women. Occasionally stayed behind at work for half an hour after his shift had finished to listen to 'Linda's' moaning about her boyfriend, or to help 'Laura' calm down because she can't cope with her teenage daughter's tantrums.

And around 7-8 years ago, I was with DH and we bumped into 'Pat,' a woman he chatted to, in the lunch hours and break times some days. Pat said 'oooh, we have a laugh don't we? Some people wondered what was going on between us a little while back, as we used to be hanging around in the warehouse laughing together.'

I was like My DH looked like and said 'no Pat, I don't think anyone thought anything actually....'

There was nothing going on (as far as I know,) but I was a bit pissed off that she said it. I thought 'what the fuck did she say THAT for? To his WIFE?'

DH said to ignore her, and that I didn't need to be jealous. (I wasn't. I was just gobsmacked at what she said.') He had said several times not to be jealous of him chatting to women at work. I said 'I'm not. And I don't know why you think I am...' He would say 'yeaaah OK then!' I think he wanted me to be, as it boosted his ego. (Bit pathetic I know...)

Anyway, his being chatty and friendly with women carried on. Then just a few months later, a man in our street saw me for a third time that day. I saw him when I went to the post box to post a letter, I saw him when I was pulling weeds out of the cracks in the public footpath, and then when I was with DH on walk. This man said 'Ooooh, you again! They'll be talking about us at this rate!' I just laughed.

When he had gone, DH said 'not with your fucking HUSBAND with you they won't! Cheeky cunt.' I said 'awww, there's no need to be JEALOUS.' He said 'well I'm sure he won't want an old senior like you anyway. I bet he prefers younger women!' (I was 45, and this man was around 40.)

I thought 'ooooh, someone has been stung by this man's words!'

He has always been actually quite complimentary, and tells me I am gorgeous and he is lucky to have me etc etc, but when he is threatened/jealous, he has a bit of a mean streak....' Not a nice trait, but thankfully it's very rare he reacts like this. But when he does, it IS when another man is involved, and chatting to me, showing me the slightest amount of interest.

Definitely proves he's jealous when other men show me any interest though. VERY jealous. And so is the OP's husband.

DH hasn't behaved like this since that incident with the neighbour 7-ish years ago, and he also doesn't talk much to the women at work anymore! But when a man chats to me, (and DH is 20 yards or so away,) he trots across very quickly so the man knows I am spoken for! Then he says 'who was that fucking weirdo?' Still got that insecure jealous streak!

@Bitesizerainbows

Well - I don’t think anyone would find me attractive which makes me doubly annoyed when DH says things. I know I’m missing the point though really. That’s probably not what I should be annoyed about.

No it’s not.

He’s a pig

@FlaminEckVera

Pathetic behaviour.

My husband couldn't give a flying fuck who I talk to because he respects me and trusts me.

Yours my dear is a caveman.

Your husband is a mysoginistic dick as many others have pointed out. He views his female colleagues as fuckable or not and you as not capable at work but merely succeeding because he's sees you as fuckable.... What you do in response to this is your choice but I'd ditch him tbh

How fucking rude

@FlaminEckVera

Awful *@Bitesizerainbows* and you have my utmost sympathy. I think a lot more men have tendencies like this, than some women care to admit though. I think his reaction, and his behaviour is not necessarily showing that he thinks very little of you, but moreso that he is jealous and threatened.

My DH has a tendency to behave like this occasionally.

He used to work with lots of women, and thought nothing of chitter chattering to those women. Occasionally stayed behind at work for half an hour after his shift had finished to listen to 'Linda's' moaning about her boyfriend, or to help 'Laura' calm down because she can't cope with her teenage daughter's tantrums.

And around 7-8 years ago, I was with DH and we bumped into 'Pat,' a woman he chatted to, in the lunch hours and break times some days. Pat said 'oooh, we have a laugh don't we? Some people wondered what was going on between us a little while back, as we used to be hanging around in the warehouse laughing together.'

I was like My DH looked like and said 'no Pat, I don't think anyone thought anything actually....'

There was nothing going on (as far as I know,) but I was a bit pissed off that she said it. I thought 'what the fuck did she say THAT for? To his WIFE?'

DH said to ignore her, and that I didn't need to be jealous. (I wasn't. I was just gobsmacked at what she said.') He had said several times not to be jealous of him chatting to women at work. I said 'I'm not. And I don't know why you think I am...' He would say 'yeaaah OK then!' I think he wanted me to be, as it boosted his ego. (Bit pathetic I know...)

Anyway, his being chatty and friendly with women carried on. Then just a few months later, a man in our street saw me for a third time that day. I saw him when I went to the post box to post a letter, I saw him when I was pulling weeds out of the cracks in the public footpath, and then when I was with DH on walk. This man said 'Ooooh, you again! They'll be talking about us at this rate!' I just laughed.

When he had gone, DH said 'not with your fucking HUSBAND with you they won't! Cheeky cunt.' I said 'awww, there's no need to be JEALOUS.' He said 'well I'm sure he won't want an old senior like you anyway. I bet he prefers younger women!' (I was 45, and this man was around 40.)

I thought 'ooooh, someone has been stung by this man's words!'

He has always been actually quite complimentary, and tells me I am gorgeous and he is lucky to have me etc etc, but when he is threatened/jealous, he has a bit of a mean streak....' Not a nice trait, but thankfully it's very rare he reacts like this. But when he does, it IS when another man is involved, and chatting to me, showing me the slightest amount of interest.

Definitely proves he's jealous when other men show me any interest though. VERY jealous. And so is the OP's husband.

DH hasn't behaved like this since that incident with the neighbour 7-ish years ago, and he also doesn't talk much to the women at work anymore! But when a man chats to me, (and DH is 20 yards or so away,) he trots across very quickly so the man knows I am spoken for! Then he says 'who was that fucking weirdo?' Still got that insecure jealous streak!

I'm also sorry you married a vile pig and even more sorry you think his antics a hilarious

@FlaminEckVera

Awful *@Bitesizerainbows* and you have my utmost sympathy. I think a lot more men have tendencies like this, than some women care to admit though. I think his reaction, and his behaviour is not necessarily showing that he thinks very little of you, but moreso that he is jealous and threatened.

My DH has a tendency to behave like this occasionally.

He used to work with lots of women, and thought nothing of chitter chattering to those women. Occasionally stayed behind at work for half an hour after his shift had finished to listen to 'Linda's' moaning about her boyfriend, or to help 'Laura' calm down because she can't cope with her teenage daughter's tantrums.

And around 7-8 years ago, I was with DH and we bumped into 'Pat,' a woman he chatted to, in the lunch hours and break times some days. Pat said 'oooh, we have a laugh don't we? Some people wondered what was going on between us a little while back, as we used to be hanging around in the warehouse laughing together.'

I was like My DH looked like and said 'no Pat, I don't think anyone thought anything actually....'

There was nothing going on (as far as I know,) but I was a bit pissed off that she said it. I thought 'what the fuck did she say THAT for? To his WIFE?'

DH said to ignore her, and that I didn't need to be jealous. (I wasn't. I was just gobsmacked at what she said.') He had said several times not to be jealous of him chatting to women at work. I said 'I'm not. And I don't know why you think I am...' He would say 'yeaaah OK then!' I think he wanted me to be, as it boosted his ego. (Bit pathetic I know...)

Anyway, his being chatty and friendly with women carried on. Then just a few months later, a man in our street saw me for a third time that day. I saw him when I went to the post box to post a letter, I saw him when I was pulling weeds out of the cracks in the public footpath, and then when I was with DH on walk. This man said 'Ooooh, you again! They'll be talking about us at this rate!' I just laughed.

When he had gone, DH said 'not with your fucking HUSBAND with you they won't! Cheeky cunt.' I said 'awww, there's no need to be JEALOUS.' He said 'well I'm sure he won't want an old senior like you anyway. I bet he prefers younger women!' (I was 45, and this man was around 40.)

I thought 'ooooh, someone has been stung by this man's words!'

He has always been actually quite complimentary, and tells me I am gorgeous and he is lucky to have me etc etc, but when he is threatened/jealous, he has a bit of a mean streak....' Not a nice trait, but thankfully it's very rare he reacts like this. But when he does, it IS when another man is involved, and chatting to me, showing me the slightest amount of interest.

Definitely proves he's jealous when other men show me any interest though. VERY jealous. And so is the OP's husband.

DH hasn't behaved like this since that incident with the neighbour 7-ish years ago, and he also doesn't talk much to the women at work anymore! But when a man chats to me, (and DH is 20 yards or so away,) he trots across very quickly so the man knows I am spoken for! Then he says 'who was that fucking weirdo?' Still got that insecure jealous streak!

He’s a prick.