To be annoyed by DH and his comment about my work?

[Bitesizerainbows]

I’ve been a sahm for three years and have recently gone back into a job that I really wanted but is totally different from anything I’ve done before.
It’s involving meeting lots of new people, DH has been a bit heckles up when any of them have been men. Mainly I’m working at home but I’m having a few in person meetings now.
A couple of weeks ago I had a Teams meeting and one of the men on there said it would be good to have a meeting between my organisation and his. He then emailed me to arrange a meeting and would like to meet face to face, probably because he’s sick of meeting everyone virtually like the rest of us.
DH came into the room whilst I was working and read the email over my shoulder and I could see he wasn’t very happy about it and he said ‘why does he want a meeting with you?’ so I said he’d just requested one as we work in the same field and with the same sort of people. He made a sort of huh noise and asked how this man knew of me, I said we’d ‘met’ on a Teams meeting once before and DH said ‘yeah, he’s obviously thought that’s a nice little hottie with good tits, I’d like a piece of that.’
Aibu to find this massively annoying? The worst thing is it makes me defensive and I haven’t even done anything! Also I’m late 30s and I don’t believe this man has ANY ulterior motives in suggesting we meet. None at all.

That’s disgusting. He thinks you’re just a pair of tits. Not even a human being.
And you’re the mother of his children? That’s tragic.

Gross. Just gross.

I've been distracting myself today by scrolling the internet including various active threads on Mumsnet.

I'm actually really, really depressed by the level of misogyny some of them have revealed.

We all know about the overt cases of misogyny, the awful DV and abuse that goes on and how many women are killed by their partners, but I had no idea there are so many vile, nasty little men who convince perfectly decent women to be with them and then pull the kind of shit in this post.

I'm just so upset by it all.

OP sorry for my rant but you really do deserve better.

Absolutely disgusting by your husband. Both insinuating himself and nosing into your work, and then undermining your work by suggesting the only reason a man could want to meet you isn’t professional, it has to be because he fancies you.

What a piece of shit.

Echoing - gross. Just gross. And I also echo the reflection thoughts. This really is how he would behave, what he thinks.

I dont know what your job is - but I would be looking for promotion, longer hours and easing my way out of the marriage. Just make sure he doesnt become a sahd.

I would ask him if he thinks women cannot have professional relationships with men.

And then ask if he thinks so badly of you that any other man has got a chance to win you over, because he’s implying he doesn’t trust you.

And then ask him if he ever meets up with work colleagues just to get in their pants. And when he says no of course not then point out how ridiculous he is.

And then get your ducks in a row for the inevitable realisation that you are married to a mysogynistic arsehole.

@Bitesizerainbows

What a jealous sad prick he sounds...

Enjoy your new role/job and go meet as many people as opportunity gives you.. build your own career and save hard..

so you can make life decisions when you need too.. 🌸🌺

How demeaning and misogynistic of him. Ugh.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

and DH said ‘yeah, he’s obviously thought that’s a nice little hottie with good tits, I’d like a piece of that.’

This is fucking disgusting.

This is all you are to him you know? He thinks other men think this way because he thinks this way.

This ^

What possible redeeming features does he have ?
I can't imagine why anyone would think it acceptable to speak like that.
Nor why anyone would choose to spend time with them.

How deeply unattractive.

I work in a male dominated area. I have site visits alone with men. Most of my site visits are one-on-one with men. DH has never, ever said something so disgusting to me. He understands this is my job. It’s hard enough to make it in a male dominated industry, without your husband sprouting sexist crap at home too.

What a dick.

I think you're getting a good insight into your husband's thought processes regarding women

With (alarm) bells on.

This can't be the first time you've realised your husband is a jealous, insecure, disgusting pig, surely?

You have outgrown him. At least I hope you have.

Good grief...

As opposed to someone recognising you might have some valuable input, or a chance to share some ideas?
Does he think you got the job for the same reasons?
Why did he choose you as a partner - for those very same reasons?

He needs to address his insecurity issues.

Well at least you know know how he seen you

So he's a jealous, possessive misogynist who doesn't trust you. Time to stand up for yourself, and if he doesn't back the fuck down, get rid.

Oh. My. God. This is so many kinds of wrong. Yes, his hard wired misogynistic view of other women, but also the fact that he can’t see you, his wife, as someone in whom someone would have a legitimate professional interest.

My mind boggles.

You know it's bad when your male colleague shows you more respect than your own husband!

He's disgusting. He clearly only sees you as a piece of meat and doesn't think of you as an equal who can make a valuable contribution.

I can only repeat what PP said, carry on doing a great job at work, push for a promotion and get rid of that awful sexist pig you call a husband.

Your DH is obviously behaving terribly but I'm not sure I understand your reference to being in your late 30s as if it's impossible someone could find such a person attractive, what a depressing thought!

Well - I don’t think anyone would find me attractive which makes me doubly annoyed when DH says things. I know I’m missing the point though really. That’s probably not what I should be annoyed about.

Honestly, he should not be reading anything in your work inbox. That's a breach of confidentiality. And... he's a tosser. I hope he has redeeming features.

I would be FURIOUS if my DH implied that I was being anything but professional in my dealings with people I worked for/with. And I would not put up with any of it.

I hope you've made it clear his comment was unacceptable and he needs to back the fuck off. This is your job!

His suspicion stems from his own attitudes towards women, that stands whether he’s right about this man or not. I’d tell him (husband) to fuck right off.

Do you think he’s projecting? Worrying about your behaviour with men you work with to distract from his behaviour. Does he work with women? Ever have meetings with them?

It goes without saying but I have meetings with men all the time, in 13 years Dh has never so much as remarked about the fact I have meetings with anyone.

Yes you're angry at the wrong bit. However, I suspect there have been multiple instances of this over your time together and you now can't see the wood for the trees. Vile, vile man. I hope you don't have any daughters.