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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want to leave my baby

99 replies

babyblues21 · 26/06/2021 12:52

When did you feel ready to leave your baby to go for a night out? I have PND which might be affecting my judgement here as I have huge anxiety about baby being out of my sight/care. Baby is 10 weeks old. I have an opportunity for a night out in 4 weekends time (baby will be looked after by DP). Nothing huge just a meal and a couple drinks with friends. For some reason I just feel sick at the thought of leaving her even for this short time (DP is very capable and hands on Dad - no reason to feel worried with her in his care). But I'm just so anxious and also a part of me feels guilty for even considering it when she's so little.

DP and my friends are encouraging me to go but instead of feeling excited I just want to cry at the thought of it. Confused Am I being silly? Would you leave your baby at 3 months for a night out?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 26/06/2021 12:56

A few hours when baby is with loving dad would have been fine for me at 14 weeks. Not everyone is the same though.

If you think catching up with friends will be good for you then push yourself to go, but if you know you won't enjoy it wait a bit longer.

Holly60 · 26/06/2021 12:57

Could you just go for an hour or two? Do you drive? If so you could take your car so that you know you can get home to her if needed. And ask DH to send you regular photo updates etc. If you (and/or others) think it will do you good I’d go for it. Maybe chat to the people you’d be going with and let them know that you might not stay long and let them know why. That way if it gets to much you can just love them snd leave them and get on home.

Sally872 · 26/06/2021 12:57

Perhaps a walk or coffee with friends first would be reassuring.

Somethingsnappy · 26/06/2021 13:01

I wouldn't have done at that age, but I'm breastfeeding, so much of that decision would have been practical. If bottle feeding, I think I would have been happy to leave baby with my DH, but wouldn't be comfortable with anyone else.

But it doesn't really matter what others would do. 12 weeks is still very young and natural for you to feel that way. Could you arrange to go, but warn your friends that if you can't face it on the day, you may frop out?

Viviennemary · 26/06/2021 13:01

If I didn't want to then I wouldn't leave a baby at that very young age. I agree with an hour or so away for a coffee would be a start.

Somethingsnappy · 26/06/2021 13:02

Drop out!

Onairjunkie · 26/06/2021 13:02

Ease in with a few hours here and there beforehand. I went back to work when my baby was four months so I’m probably not best placed to help but it’s probably a good thing to be comfortable with, especially when she’s with her dad.

PurpleyBlue · 26/06/2021 13:03

If you aren't ready don't force yourself. I started with leaving baby with my mum while I popped to the shop and worked up from there.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/06/2021 13:03

I wouldn't really have been able to at that age due to breastfeeding and like you I didn't really want to either.

There is no point forcing yourself to do something that you won't enjoy and that will make you stressed. Nobody should be pressurising you one way or the other.

RandomMess · 26/06/2021 13:05

With my eldest (different maternity leave back then) I was back at work when she was 9 weeks old Shock

You clearly aren't ready and that isn't an issue but recognise your PND is massively at play and push hard to get help for it.

Are you ok if DP takes her out for a walk for half an hour or so or is that too much too?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 26/06/2021 13:06

11 months

Original poster
babyblues21 · 26/06/2021 13:06

I am breastfeeding but she will take my expressed milk from a bottle from her dad, so I'm not worried about the practical side. Just the emotional side of leaving her. I feel so guilty to even think about it.

OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 26/06/2021 13:09

I wouldn't have left my first for the evening at that age.

I couldn't with my second because it was lockdown, but I probably would have.

Its a personal choice and if you're not ready, you're not ready.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/06/2021 13:10

Try to push any feelings of guilt away, easier said than done of course. There's nothing to feel guilty about if you decide you do want to go out. All you're doing is deciding what you're comfortable with, either decision is fine and baby will be happy either way too.

Ponoka7 · 26/06/2021 13:12

I wouldn't have went on a night out, but did leave my third with her Dad to clothes shop alone etc. I couldn't with my first or second. My DD left her baby with me at four months for a weekend away. We are all different and personally I don't think anyone's opinion matters except for Mum. If you aren't ready, don't be forced into it.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 26/06/2021 13:15

Yes I'll definitely be driving there so I can leave quickly if needs be. DP wants to drop me off and pick me up so I can relax and have a few drinks but I won't be relaxed enough for that anyway so there's no point. I just know I'll be texting him every 2 mins for an update. When I go for a bath for an hour or so when he's home from work I'm constantly listening out for her crying and have to fight the urge to run to her even though she's safe with her dad. 🙈 God knows what I'd be like out of the house without her for a few hours. I have huge separation anxiety.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 26/06/2021 13:18

I feel sorry for my DP as he's a very capable loving Dad, but my stupid anxiety gets in the way and I just want to take her off him and comfort her myself. Is this normal? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 26/06/2021 13:20

@RandomMess

With my eldest (different maternity leave back then) I was back at work when she was 9 weeks old Shock

You clearly aren't ready and that isn't an issue but recognise your PND is massively at play and push hard to get help for it.

Are you ok if DP takes her out for a walk for half an hour or so or is that too much too?

I've let him take her out to get some food shopping for an hour or so on a couple of occasions but that feels different because she sleeps in the car so I knew she'd be fine and wouldn't be likely to be crying whilst out. But it somehow feels different if I'm the one leaving the house without her. Not sure why.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/06/2021 13:23

I would start with a local coffee or lunch out leaving baby with DP as a way of experiencing your anxiety in a more manageable way and then increase time away etc.

Baby steps Thanks

godmum56 · 26/06/2021 13:24

not a baby and not comparing but when I had an old dog who was very ill and I could leave him with my sister I was worried too, I built up to it....only did 30 mins at first then longer as i felt more confident. You have got time to go for walks around the block and so on before the big night? Worth a try?

Darcy86 · 26/06/2021 13:24

My son turned 16 weeks yesterday and last night I went to a friends for some drinks, it was the first time I have felt ready and felt comfortable with it because I was only 20 minutes away and he was with his dad. He literally had his last feed and went to bed anyway! I'm glad I did, it was fun but I think everyone is different so just do what feels right for you.

NightOwl19 · 26/06/2021 13:27

My DD is 18 weeks and the most I've left her for is an hour I'm just not comfortable with anymore then that right now

Danoodle · 26/06/2021 13:37

I've been leaving my baby for a few hours with his dad quite frequently from about 4 weeks. The sooner you do it the easier it will be to get used to it I think. It's different for everyone though, you're ready when you're ready!

Bingbongbooo · 26/06/2021 13:45

There's no rush op, just take it as you're ready. By time lo is 3 you'll be running out the door haha

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 26/06/2021 13:45

Yes i would/did but everyone feels different. Once you've done it you'll probably find it easier to do it again so as others have said maybe do something smaller first?

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