Don't want to leave my baby

[babyblues21]

When did you feel ready to leave your baby to go for a night out? I have PND which might be affecting my judgement here as I have huge anxiety about baby being out of my sight/care. Baby is 10 weeks old. I have an opportunity for a night out in 4 weekends time (baby will be looked after by DP). Nothing huge just a meal and a couple drinks with friends. For some reason I just feel sick at the thought of leaving her even for this short time (DP is very capable and hands on Dad - no reason to feel worried with her in his care). But I'm just so anxious and also a part of me feels guilty for even considering it when she's so little.

DP and my friends are encouraging me to go but instead of feeling excited I just want to cry at the thought of it. Am I being silly? Would you leave your baby at 3 months for a night out?

Don't feel pressured by anyone and do what feels right. If a night out isn't something you're up for, don't do it. I remember being pressured by people to do stuff when my kids were really small and I wish now I had said no because I wasn't ready. Do you.

There is too much pressure on new mums to get back to normal asap, to get out and about. It's perfectly normal and acceptable for a mother to not want to be away from a newborn for a significant amount of time.

I left DS for the whole night with DH around age 1, but was back home by 7am (having left at noon the previous day). It was just about ok but I didnt love doing it.

Had to leave DD in NICU when she was 3 day old and it broke my heart, I wasnt allowed to stay with her.

My baby is nearly 10 months and I can't bare to leave her yet.

If you don't feel ready, don't push yourself to do something you're anxious about.

My DS is 23 months and 2 weeks ago it was the first time I let my mum look after him for 1/2 hours whilst I went shopping for his birthday presents.

He didn't cry once. He doesn't cry if I leave a room or pop to the corner shop and leave him with DP etc.

Other than my mum and DP I haven't let anyone look after him.

I've not gone for a night out as it isn't really me to have a night out in general.

Everyone is different and it’s really up to you and what you’re comfortable with.

I wouldn’t have left mine at 3 months no. At about 4 months DH took her to his parents for a couple of hours without me and I cried!

At 10 months I went out for lunch and a couple of drinks with a friend - I was out about 3 or 4 hours and thought I’d be anxious and checking the phone but actually I was absolutely fine (as was the baby most importantly) and enjoyed myself.

I’ll maybe work up to a night out next!

I might have been ready quicker if I hadn’t have had a lockdown baby - I really wasn’t comfortable away from her and am still not hugely so now.

I think 12 weeks was around the age I left mine for the evening. I enjoyed it and dd was happy with her dad. It was important to do something for myself and see friends without having a baby to take care of.

I actually left her v rarely in the daytime until she started nursery at 10 months, but I did go to gym or see friends a couple of evenings a week.

I think you can build up to it and don't feel pressured about leaving her just yet. I do have friends who went out for the evening when the baby was 1-2 weeks old and I was privately horrified as that would have felt impossible to me.

Thanks for everyone's opinions. I went to the gym today for an hour while she was with DP. It was hard to leave but I was OK whilst there and she was absolutely fine without me. It's made me feel a bit more confident. Small steps.

DS was about 6 months old before I left him to go somewhere fun. I'd run a handful of errands without him prior to that, but I also had PND that manifested largely as anxiety and I just wasn't comfortable leaving him, so I didn't. It's not worth it if you're going to spend the whole evening stressing about him.
He's 19 months old now and I leave him with DH 2 days a week to come to work and still dread being away from him. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be near your baby, and no obligation to leave them before you're ready.

I'm so pleased you went to the gym and you felt ok about it as well as DD not caring!

As you say baby steps and it's ok if you still only feel up to that and not a night out whether it be a few weeks or months or years.

I left my baby at six weeks for a meal out, two hours and I was back.
If it’s going to upset you then you won’t enjoy your meal and it’s not worth it, drop out if you don’t want to go.

When mine was a few weeks old I went out for a drink with my friends, leaving her with my DH, her father. Yes it did make me feel quite nervous when I left the house! But I knew she would be ok and DH would ring me if I needed to come home. It was absolutely bloody amazing to be with my friends having fun after a few weeks of nothing but breastfeeding and changing nappies. It was 100% worth the initial anxiety.

Is your husband not happy to look after the baby?

Mine was age three when I first left for a night. Didn’t have anything I particularly wanted to do without him and he cried if I left until that age (and woke up lots, DP useless at soothing him). Didn’t seem worth making a baby cry just to go to pub. If he’d have been a good sleeper or if DP had been capable of soothing him I might have gone out though.

Follow your instincts and do what feels right for you.

OP,
First off commit to nothing that makes you feel anxious.
I used to pop to the shops, go for a walk nearby and slowly built up my time away but it was a good 16-18 weeks before I went out for a few hours in the evening.

Whatever works for you.
Going to the gym is goid for you and it is critical that your husband gain confidence in the future.

Even going up to bed for a few hours peace is good to do and leave him to it.

You sound like a wonderful mum.

For 2 hours at 9 week old to have dinner at my works night out. I just stayed for the meal. I breastfed her before goin out at like 7ish but had expressed a tiny bit as well just in case (though she rarely took bottle at all until 6 months). DH was prepared to feed her but she stayed asleep the whole time. Woke up at 11pm. I was back by then so fed her then she went back to sleep til 2 or so which was normal for her.

Just go.you'll enjoy it and once you've done it you'll feel glad you did and be more relaxed about things.
You can work up to it by going for ten minute walks around the block and increasing the times gradually.
It's ok to be you again.🌈

@babyblues21

Thanks for everyone's opinions. I went to the gym today for an hour while she was with DP. It was hard to leave but I was OK whilst there and she was absolutely fine without me. It's made me feel a bit more confident. Small steps.

Well done! An hour at a time is a great start.

Nice one OP, I know how long that first hour away can feel.

Well done 👏 hope you enjoyed the gym and dh and baby had a lovely time.

Totally normal to feel
Like this. My other half took me out for fish and chips when DD was 2 weeks old! We were only round the corner and out for an hour, but I spent the whole time checking my phone. Glad I did it though, we went out another couple of times and then lock down hit ! Ease your self into it - go out for a coffee for half an hour one week, get your hair done another day, couple of hours shopping. Increase your time away from the baby every week until you’ve built up to 3 or 4 hours. I felt like a new women after a couple of hours away from mum duties - did wonders for my mental health 😄 enjoy your evening out and leaving Dad I charge will do wonders for him too

I probably wouldn’t but not because of anxiety or because I don’t trust DH but just because a three month old baby is still very small and needs feeding regularly and mine always needed feeding more in the evening.

I felt comfortable leaving them at 7/8 months because they were sitting up and interested in other things going on around them and I wasn’t as needed but I know someone who left her three month old with her mum so her and her DP could go abroad on holiday for a week so everyone’s different.

Start small. A walk on your own or pop to your favourite shop for an hour. Build up to a night out. I understand your anxiety.