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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to not consider vibrators "mainstream"?

144 replies

PavlovsDoggie · 25/06/2021 21:08

In the sense that most of us have them, etc.

They're advertised on MN, but the reality is you never see them mentioned in mainstream books, movies, TV, etc.

Silly thoughts on a train passing time on a Friday evening!!

YABU - no of course they are mainstream, most of us have them

YANBU - yes, they are niche, just see ads for them on MN, but not much out there in the team world


If you've found this page in search of vibrators that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best vibrators useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ 💐

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 26/06/2021 00:43

I’ve never heard anyone making that assumption 🤷‍♀️ Not all women use sex toys, not all women masturbate, that’s fine. But saying you don’t need one or you have a man so don’t need one is a bit insulting.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/06/2021 00:47

I have never seen one !

LoopTheLoops · 26/06/2021 00:53

It’s literally been said on this thread, I don’t think anyone commented personally about not having one until people said they would be surprised if someone under 45 didn’t have one/ would find it odd/ weird

me4real · 26/06/2021 00:59

I think basic ones are mainstream at least.

@PavlovsDoggie I recommend a Magic Wand type-so much better.

1forAll74 · 26/06/2021 01:01

Well someone got fed up with hers,as I was crossing a bridge over a canal once,it was mid afternoon,and a woman was peering over the rails into the water,and she suddenly opened her bag, and produced a large pink vibrator, and swiftly lobbed it into the canal. She laughed when I walked past, so I had to laugh too. It wasn't polite to ask any questions. !

chickenyhead · 26/06/2021 01:03

Oh ok, I know lots of people who do and lots that don't (yes it's pretty open discussion Blush)

Nutrafin · 26/06/2021 01:13

When the OP says they're advertised on Mumsnet, I assume she means the sponsored thread that was at the top of the boards for the last week or so.

They are mainstream though. Prominently displayed at the counter of our equivalent of Boots (I'm in canada).

Staffy1 · 26/06/2021 01:19

I’m surprised Sainsbury’s have them, can’t imagine anyone just nonchalantly standing at the till as it sits on the conveyor belt among the groceries. I suppose you could always go to the self check out but it would probably be one of those items that needs approval by a member of staff.

WineAndMassage · 26/06/2021 01:25

@OverByYer

They are selling them in Sainsbury’s now. I was looking for Sudafed the other day and looked up and saw some on the top shelf next to the condoms. I was a bit shocked if I’m honest
Really??? Should check my local Sainsbury's.. need to replace the broken one.. Grin
tricky29 · 26/06/2021 01:26

@Regularsizedrudy

What’s with the posters bragging about never owning one? Masturbation isn’t meant to be a replacement for sex. It’s it’s own separate thing. Bloody hell, life is short. Enjoy yourself.
🙌🏼
Hawkins001 · 26/06/2021 01:30

@Staffy1

I’m surprised Sainsbury’s have them, can’t imagine anyone just nonchalantly standing at the till as it sits on the conveyor belt among the groceries. I suppose you could always go to the self check out but it would probably be one of those items that needs approval by a member of staff.
It would look more suspicious if also next to various styles of vegetables too, almost would look like an experimental study of the effective ways to enjoy ones pleasures.
PyongyangKipperbang · 26/06/2021 01:31

I dont anymore but thats because I got so totally desensitised by it. It took a long time to get back to "normal" so now I dont use them. But I dont know anyv one of my friends who doesnt have at least one (and a couple who have enough toys to stock a sex shop !).

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/06/2021 01:42

And "I prefer the real thing" is all very well but what if you cant have the real thing? Either through relationship issues, ED or simply being single?

I think that there may very well be an age and divorce correlation between "Prefer the real thing" and "Go for it, can be better than the real thing". A vibrator doesnt fart, scratch its balls, ask whats for dinner and demand you to wash its grundies before having a half hearted attempt at your clitoris and then demanding a BJ and sulking if you say no :o

Mamanyt · 26/06/2021 01:49

I think them mainstream. Even my tiny, conservative town has an adult "toy" store...thankfully owned, managed and run by women "of a certain age." Since I'm also "of a certain age," there's a lot of comfort when I shop there. And I do.

CJsGoldfish · 26/06/2021 02:26

t’s not something I discuss very often but I’d be surprised if anyone under the age of 45 55 didn’t have at least one

That's better Grin

Gullible2021 · 26/06/2021 05:40

I’ve never heard anyone making that assumption 🤷‍♀️ Not all women use sex toys, not all women masturbate, that’s fine. But saying you don’t need one or you have a man so don’t need one is a bit insulting

Insulting? What a bizarre take. And it's not bragging. It's a fact - I don't have one because I don't need one. Is it insulting to say you don't have a dishwasher because you don't need one? Or a tumble dryer? Because you prefer to wash your dishes by hand as you live alone for example? Or you have a heated airer instead?

It’s literally been said on this thread, I don’t think anyone commented personally about not having one until people said they would be surprised if someone under 45 didn’t have one/ would find it odd/ weird

This precisely the reason I felt I needed to
say why I didn't need one. Because those of us who don't have one had comments made that it was odd never to have owned one and asked how we could possibly know what we preferred. There was an assumption that we didn't know there were different kinds of sex toys. Then there was an assumption made that I could only have clitoral orgasm and that there are some types of orgasm you can only get with a vibrator...which, in my personal experience hasn't been the case. Hence "I don't need one", not a "brag", a factual statement.

And "I prefer the real thing" is all very well but what if you cant have the real thing? Either through relationship issues, ED or simply being single?

I've been single on and off throughout my life for really long periods. I only have sex within committed, loving relationships so that means long periods without a man. That doesn't mean I go years or days even without orgasms. I just don't need a sex toy to achieve that. Same result...different method and I'm happy with that. The very last thing I'd want would be to become de-sensitized and have a poorer sex life as a result. Also, when it comes to ED, or even disability, most women don't climax from PIV alone anyway and it can be empowering and help already fragile self esteem in a partner who cannot manage PIV to be able to sexually satisy their partner without. Sure,
for some a vibrator may be one of or even the only way to achieve that but for others, they may not need that or prefer their partner's touch to a vibrator.

Like I said, I don't have any problem with people needing to use a vibrator. But I do take massive issue with people assuming we all have/want/prefer/need them, that we can't possibly know what we prefer unless
we've tried one, that we are odd or uneducated or deprived and unsatisfied if we don't have them or even that we need to be bought one.

Maybe lets all just trust individual women to know their needs and preferences and stop trying to insist that there is a one size fits all approach and that every woman will own a vibrator and that those who don't are somehow odd for not wanting/needing/personally liking them.

Aprilx · 26/06/2021 05:42

@DisgruntledPelican

Depends on the kind of movies, books and TV you consume, I suppose.

It’s not something I discuss very often but I’d be surprised if anyone under the age of 45 didn’t have at least one.

I am now 51 so above your slightly strange age cut off, but I have never had one or even thought about getting one.
Gullible2021 · 26/06/2021 05:43

Sorry, before the pedants come along Hmm

"Like I said, I don't have any problem with people needing/choosing to use a vibrator"

Bumblenums1234 · 26/06/2021 05:52

I think the advert OP is referring to is the mumsnet tagged post at tr top of Aibu that was titled the best sex toys for women (or words to that effect)

Howver yabu op, I think they really are quite mainstream now. You csn buy them in the supermarket!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/06/2021 06:07

I think they're pretty mainstream. That doesn't mean everyone has to have one. I have a man - you don't have to only use a vibrator on your own!

I think supermarkets sell the little Durex bullet - I'm not keen on those. And they're not what I'd call a vibrator!

HangingOver · 26/06/2021 06:26

I have that sodding beer advert on repeat which, to a recovering addict, seems unfair Grin

PavlovsDoggie · 26/06/2021 09:17

Thanks for the replies. The ad i referred to was the sponsored lead post on MN for a while. I did actually read it, so not sure what that means for me going forward 😃

To clarify, I'm not looking for your wanking stories, and I'm not sharing mine here either.

I guess they are just a boring detail that creators don't include much in books, movie, TV, etc.

OP posts:
PavlovsDoggie · 26/06/2021 09:23

"I guess they are just a boring detail that creators don't include much in books, movie, TV, etc." ... To clarify ... I meant vibrators ... Not my wanking stories!!!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/06/2021 09:27

It would a bit TMI if someone in EastEnders said they were off to bed to masterbate with their vibrator etc because mainstream doesn't mean talked about. Unless it's for comedy. It isn't something I'd stand talking to the school Mom's about or ask my Mom for recommendations on

CherryDocsInYrBalls · 26/06/2021 09:34

My ad is acuvue which I think are contact lenses. I don't wear and have never googled contact lenses. No idea what's going on there.

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