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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop breastfeeding

120 replies

ohthestruggles · 23/06/2021 21:13

Posted here for traffic really, this may well be moved to a more relevant topic but I'm getting desperate.

Two week old has been 'cluster feeding' for 6 hours today, he and I are absolutely exhausted. He's getting on and falling asleep I just don't think he has the energy to get what he needs when it goes on for so long. He has slept for 10-20 min spells but thats it. I have given him a formula top up (40ml) and he's gone straight to sleep and is content I feel awful, I've persevered as that's what ever HV and midwife tells you to do but have I gone too far and just made him tired and hungry? Having a serious mum guilt battle of wether to continue this, stress both me and my baby boy out or just give him formula which will ensure he is definitely fed I feel like I've starved him but I've just persevered as I was advised to do and let him 'feed on demand'.

He doesn't have tongue tie and these 6 hour bouts of feeding on and off have been for the last 5 days or so. It's exhausting but I ultimately want what's best for him.

Please be gentle, he's my first baba and I didn't realise how strongly you feel for them and just want the absolute best for them.

OP posts:

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 25/06/2021 10:07

I stopped breast feeding yesterday morning, it was too painful, exhausting and upsetting for me and I didn't feel like I was being the best mum I could be to my little boy because I dreaded feeding him and the anxiety of the next feed coming, wether it was 3 minutes or 3 hours from the previous one!

He is still waking every 2-3 hours and I'm giving him formula or expressed breast milk which I'm keen to continue doing and it's giving me some comfort knowing he is getting the best of both. I really have a lot of respect for mums who continue to breast feed through the unbelievably hard first weeks, and I have a new found respect for my own mum too because this is bloody hard work!

OP posts:

shouldistop · 25/06/2021 10:10

You've made the right decision for you op enjoy your lovely baby.

Horehound · 25/06/2021 10:49

I think you made the right decision tbh.
I'm not going to be so determined to BF with baby #2 due in nov. I put myself through hell the first time.
Enjoy your baby xxx

DocsOddSocks · 25/06/2021 11:10

@ohthestruggles You have to do whats best for you as a happy mum means a happy baby.

I always said I'd try breastfeeding and if it didn't work for either of us, I'd be straight onto formula. I did try breastfeeding but my daughter struggled to latch on. I had very little help from the hospital and as soon as I was discharged, swapped to formula and it was the best decision I made.

DevonshireGreen · 25/06/2021 11:45

@ohthestruggles

Glad you’ve made a decision and hope it’s a weight off your mind

For what it’s worth everyone’s experience is so different, for some mums who continue breastfeeding it’s easy and they don’t go through anywhere near the amount of stress doing it as you have. It’s the hardest thing in the world for some people, for others it’s physically impossible, and for others it’s a breeze from the start. So while you might have respect for those who keep bf, make sure to recognise and respect yourself too for having the courage to decide to do what’s right for you and your baby. It’s not always an easy thing to do when the pressure to bf is so huge.

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 25/06/2021 14:35

Thank you all for being so nice! There is a huge pressure to breast feed but I realise that a lot of that was pressure I had put on myself, too. I do think the midwives and HV's should atleast give some realistic advice that it doesn't always work out and formula is an option too!

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FTEngineerM · 26/06/2021 14:34

God you’ve taken some steps for feeling better, fab news.

I think some of the guilt is placed on you/us though. The message ‘breast is best’ is obviously going to make mothers want to bf, we all just want the best for our babies it’s in our dna.

Take a load off, you’re doing great, you’re also still doing the best for your baby ❤️

FTEngineerM · 26/06/2021 14:35

Good* not god

GalaxyGirl24 · 26/06/2021 15:14

If you feel like it would benefit both you and baby then don't feel like you have to continue!

That being said, I had a horrific start to breastfeeding (lots of weight loss, poor latch, jaundice, sleepy baby, flat nipples and damage to them) and continued and I'm really glad I did.

Remember, either way, you're doing amazing.

boydy99 · 26/06/2021 20:57

it's completely ok to feel upset that it didn't go how you wanted it to. most mums stop breastfeeding before they want to unfortunately. Amy Brown has written a really good book called "why breastfeeding grief and trauma matter" - you might find it helpful and reassuring. its quite easy to read and not too long either.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 26/06/2021 21:54

@ohthestruggles

Absolutely!

The ones I encountered were actually very honest about the benefits/uses of formula! I did end up breastfeeding but I remember being desperate to get home after giving birth but not being able to until baby had had a wee. I asked if giving baby some formula might speed up this process and they agreed it would and might be what she needed at that point. She'd been really unsettled but once she'd gulped some formula down she had a good 4 hours kip.

You can give formula when you feel it would be beneficial and still breastfeed if you want to.

You can give formula and decide it works best for you and not breastfeed.

You should absolutely do what YOU believe is best for you and your baby and be confident in your decisions. There is no need for any guilt.

Fashionesta · 30/07/2021 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 30/07/2021 10:36

@Fashionesta I don't need a sleep routine, but new mum does need some sleep. You haven't read the full thread and I don't think you know my circumstances or story either so please leave. People like you are the reason there is a lot of guilt surrounding feeding. I have NEVER left my baby to cry. Better go, I need to go and make my baby some formula.

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FrauleinSchweiger · 30/07/2021 10:37

You've absolutely made the right decision for you @ohthestruggles, and that's the most important thing.

I could have written your post 16 year ago - still remember it like it was yesterday.

I too felt that I could not carry on and that my DD deserved a mum who wasn't dreading feeding time, was in tears and too low to leave the house.

Please don't be hard on yourself. There is so much more to being a mother than breastfeeding. It doesn't feel like it at the time but in the grand scheme of things it is so much more important for you to enjoy the time you have with your newborn, rather than the rising anxiety that comes with breastfeeding when, for whatever reason, it doesn't work out.

I had zero support from my HV - her one and only response when I was in tears, detailing my struggles, was "the government recommend breastfeeding for the first six months". Literally, that was what she said to me. It now makes me extremely angry, but then it just made me feel even more like a failure.

You are showing great strength by doing what is right for you. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. You can only take care of your baby when you are taking care of yourself. You are doing a great job and don't forget it. .

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 30/07/2021 10:37

I actually didn't express any desire for him to sleep either or not sleep on me. I wanted him to be FED. Dickhead.

OP posts:

Fashionesta · 30/07/2021 13:19

I'm so sorry, posted on wrong thread and have reported myself! As you were 😶

Fashionesta · 30/07/2021 13:22

I have asked them to remove again as I can see my post distressed you. I'm sorry. I didn't read this thread and no idea how I clicked on to it. I'm sure you are doing your best!

Darkstar4855 · 30/07/2021 14:00

I persevered, decided I would try and get to six weeks. It got so much easier that I extended that to six months, eventually fed for 2.5y! The early cluster feeding is so tough. I survived with box sets, snacks and basically doing nothing other than feeding and sleeping.

Honestly only you know what’s right for you but if you can bear this for another week or so it will really start to get easier. Night feeds and going out were so much easier for me not having to make up bottles and cart them around.

Darkstar4855 · 30/07/2021 14:02

Apologies, somehow missed your update. Even doing a week is amazing. I hope things get easier for you now xx

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 30/07/2021 17:36

@Fashionesta it's not a very helpful comment wether it was meant for this thread or not. Sounds like someone else is struggling and looking for answers/help. Be kinder maybe.

OP posts:

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