To stop breastfeeding

[ohthestruggles]

Posted here for traffic really, this may well be moved to a more relevant topic but I'm getting desperate.

Two week old has been 'cluster feeding' for 6 hours today, he and I are absolutely exhausted. He's getting on and falling asleep I just don't think he has the energy to get what he needs when it goes on for so long. He has slept for 10-20 min spells but thats it. I have given him a formula top up (40ml) and he's gone straight to sleep and is content I feel awful, I've persevered as that's what ever HV and midwife tells you to do but have I gone too far and just made him tired and hungry? Having a serious mum guilt battle of wether to continue this, stress both me and my baby boy out or just give him formula which will ensure he is definitely fed I feel like I've starved him but I've just persevered as I was advised to do and let him 'feed on demand'.

He doesn't have tongue tie and these 6 hour bouts of feeding on and off have been for the last 5 days or so. It's exhausting but I ultimately want what's best for him.

Please be gentle, he's my first baba and I didn't realise how strongly you feel for them and just want the absolute best for them.

Haven't RTFT but if you can persevere. Can you co sleep and feed while lying down. I did this and DD could feed on and off through the night. I pushed through and fed until DD was nearly 3 and personally loved our BF journey.

I know it's hrs so ultimately do what is best for you

For me mixed feeding was a godsend. I fed before I went to bed, DH did the next feed with formula then woke me next time DD needed feeding. It meant I got enough sleep to function and could deal with feeding the rest of the time. He'd make me a packed lunch when he was at work so I could grab it out of the fridge on bad days. It sounds like you're doing a great job, don't worry if you decide to keep adding in formula as you need. As long as you don't supplement all of the time your supply will be fine.

I quit and I'm glad I did. But DS screamed so much and my nipples were wrecked. Midwives just kept saying his latch was perfect and he was getting enough food but it didn't stop the screaming or bleeding. We're both happier with formula.

@Fashionesta

Haven't RTFT but if you can persevere. Can you co sleep and feed while lying down. I did this and DD could feed on and off through the night. I pushed through and fed until DD was nearly 3 and personally loved our BF journey.

I know it's hrs so ultimately do what is best for you

Bedsharing isn’t without its downsides.

Even absent all other risk factors and done "safely", bed-sharing nearly trIples the risk of SIDS, plus adds new risks for other types of sleep-related infant death, including suffocation, strangulation, etc. The most conservative estimate shows that the risk of suffocation is 20X higher when infants sleep in adult beds instead of on cribs.

If anyone reading this thinks bedsharing might be an option for them, please make sure you look at the evidence before going ahead with it. Babies can and do die as a result of bedsharing and safe sleep practices save lives. The Lullaby Trust, NHS, and American Academy of Paediatrics all strongly advise against bedsharing for your baby’s safety, based on a wealth of evidence.

Ultimately we all have the right to decide what’s best for our child, but when giving advice to bedshare it’s remiss not to highlight the known and very serious risks that come with it, that’s all I’m saying. The NHS and Lullaby Trust do some amazing work at educating on safe sleep but the message doesn’t get through to everyone.

Formula feeding is just fine.
Don't let other people's choices make you feel bad if you decide to stop breastfeeding.

It is never unreasonable to stop breastfeeding if you want to. All of mine have been breastfed for between 11 and 20 months but they all had a bottle of formula from around 10 days. It meant that I was able to have a break and in turn I think helped me to breastfeed for longer.
There was a study that showed Hispanic women in America were most likely to introduce a regular bottle of formula in the newborn stage and were also the group of women who breastfed the longest.
What I am saying is it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

@3WildOnes

It is never unreasonable to stop breastfeeding if you want to. All of mine have been breastfed for between 11 and 20 months but they all had a bottle of formula from around 10 days. It meant that I was able to have a break and in turn I think helped me to breastfeed for longer. There was a study that showed Hispanic women in America were most likely to introduce a regular bottle of formula in the newborn stage and were also the group of women who breastfed the longest. What I am saying is it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

It can cause major problems down the line too if you don’t introduce a bottle and then later on baby refuses it. It’s pretty risky to never use a bottle or use formula/have a stash of breast milk in the freezer as if something happened to you and you were in hospital and baby wouldn’t take a bottle you’re screwed. As well as being trapped bf if you want to stop but they won’t take a bottle, never being able to have a day out on your own, or have someone else share feeds. A balanced approach, like with most things, is usually best!

@ohthestruggles

Thanks everyone, we had a bad night and he woke every 1-2 hours (I think) I've completely lost track of time and days and I'm so irritable today. This is when it's really tough because I feel myself getting really frustrated and he probably senses that on me.

I remember those days well OP. I FF and I remember being up every single hour of the night some nights. So by all means give FF a go if you want but please remember it may not solve all of your problems either. My FF baby was the worst sleeper actually Either way you’re doing an amazing job. One of my close friends combi fed her baby and it worked really well for them, she bf most of the time but would do formula at night so her DH could do some feeds and she could get a better stretch of sleep some nights.

I had a big haemorrhage after DS was born. No one tells you that it can affect your milk, mine didn't come in for 5 days which just made it harder to establish bf-ing. However because the birth was not as I expected and felt totally out of control I made up my mind that I was going to bf come what may. It was just clawing back some sort of control. It was so hard but worth persevering and by 8 weeks it was pain free and worked like a treat.

The most important thing here is to be kind to yourself, it's totally normal for a newborn to cluster feed. Get DH to make you a sandwich before he leaves the house and order in high energy snacks. You need to eat and drink plenty of fluids and don't underestimate the toll the blood loss will take. I had a couple of transfusions but in hindsight I needed more and probably daily spatones or floradix iron supplements for quite some time. I was so tired at times that I was hallucinating and very wary of driving anywhere. You sound like you've got this and maybe just having a bit of a wobble. Provided you feed your baby there is no judgment here on how you do it. I promise no one discusses bf/ff when they start school

It's really hard OP.

If you are used to being more active and can get the hang of it, a sling can really help! There are websites that can show you how to tie sling/position baby to feed on the go, some people get on really well with those.

You’re never unreasonable for deciding to stop breastfeeding. Only you can say when you feel you’ve had enough.
I stopped BF at 2 weeks also, but pumped exclusively until he was 6 months (2 pumps breaking within a short period put a stop to it). I stopped with the BF because he and I were both having a terrible time and it was stopping me from enjoying time with my baby. I don’t regret stopping.

The early days are so tough OP. But it’s such a front loaded thing. Most mums find that at some point, usually between 6-10 weeks, it becomes so much easier.

Once we got over the hump it was like a dream and the experience became really lovely.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t switch if you want to, but I do think it’s a shame that many mums do the hard graft and don’t get to reap the benefits.

I've ruled out co-sleeping as an option for us, especially when I'm so tired I just don't trust myself not to sleep deeply next to him and that would just add to my anxieties right now! I'm really sore this morning, I'm giving him a bottle and I'm going to express going forward too. We'll work out something for both of us but I don't think I can continue like this and be a good mum to him at the same time, he's my first and I'll never get this time back, I don't want to resent it and for it to be filled with anxiety and unhappiness

I had to strip mine to their nappy and pop onto plastic changing mat every time they dozed off to make sure they got hind milk

@olivesnutsandcheeseplease

I had a big haemorrhage after DS was born. No one tells you that it can affect your milk, mine didn't come in for 5 days which just made it harder to establish bf-ing. However because the birth was not as I expected and felt totally out of control I made up my mind that I was going to bf come what may. It was just clawing back some sort of control. It was so hard but worth persevering and by 8 weeks it was pain free and worked like a treat.

The most important thing here is to be kind to yourself, it's totally normal for a newborn to cluster feed. Get DH to make you a sandwich before he leaves the house and order in high energy snacks. You need to eat and drink plenty of fluids and don't underestimate the toll the blood loss will take. I had a couple of transfusions but in hindsight I needed more and probably daily spatones or floradix iron supplements for quite some time. I was so tired at times that I was hallucinating and very wary of driving anywhere. You sound like you've got this and maybe just having a bit of a wobble. Provided you feed your baby there is no judgment here on how you do it. I promise no one discusses bf/ff when they start school

Sounds quite similar to myself, I don't know why but I didn't think have very depleted red blood cells would affect my ability to feed and look after him! I felt and looked like death for a while after he was born, struggled with breathlessness etc and ended up back in hospital. I think because I had an emergency section I wanted so badly to give him something naturally as I don't feel like I truly gave birth. He was hauled out of me by a surgeon, but it was the safest thing for us both and I still grew and nurtured him for 9 months.

I have set a boundary that it will only be myself or DP who feeds him as I can't stand to see other people giving him something that I feel I should be providing him with.

It doesn’t matter what I did, you AND your baby are as important as each other. Do whatever keeps you sane

12 weeks with my first before I went straight back to work. The other two were formula fed. They've all grown-up fit and healthy and I've never had a problem. And no, never felt quilty.

Oh you poor soul.

Your body is depleted and struggling with exhaustion and birth trauma so be kind to yourself.

You MUST eat and drink a lot and regularly. Persevere with the dummy, he’s very likely doing a lot of comfort sucking and that’s not helping. A baby does need to learn to suck a dummy so don’t be afraid to hold it gently in place.

I’d certainly recommend giving the occasional top up if you need to, it will help break the circuit you are currently in.

Finally do consider chatting to your GP/MV in case you have an infection, need additional iron or any other possible contributory factors.

It doesn’t have to be a ‘give up’ or carry on suffering, there’s definitely middle ground and the feeding can definitely become easier.

Finally please, please try to reframe your mindset on your birth. How lucky are we to have the option of CS and formula for when we need them? You grew a whole perfect human in your body, that’s the achievement not the delivery.

Take care and get some rest.x

After 6 weeks it definitely starts to ease of a little and becomes much easier. As pp said bf if the lazy option! You don't need to pack more than a nappy and some wipes anywhere you go. Some things that helped me were, you know you are going to clusterfeed so make your self comfortable with plenty of snacks and drink a lot of fluid (you will need to drink about an extra liter per day). Watch box sets, read, play games... Whatever can help you relax. In the day time I wore a baby bjorn with dd on the front so she had access to my breasts whenever she wanted but I could carry on doing what I wanted to do, go shopping etc. I didn't have specific bf clothes I mainly wore vest tops and loose neck tshirts to give her easy access and a light scarf to cover her as she suckled. Make sure to wind your LO, I found 'bicycle legs' helped in the evening, maybe trapped gas. It sounds like you are doing a good job, it gets easier as time goes on. Good luck

[quote ohthestruggles]@DinosaurDiana I feel like I literally am just feeding him. I had to wait til DP came back this morning for my food as I hadn't been able to put DS down. This does worry me as he does have to work and I will have to semi-function as something other than a milk machine at some point! [/quote]
I remember it being just like this with both my two! It was a bit of a shock to the system. As the weeks passed, it did get easier, though.

If baby groups have started again in your area it sometimes does help to be with other mothers and share the highs and lows. Even if actually getting out of the house to get there feels impossible at first. It can feel very isolating being in a house with a small baby and I don't think that's what nature intended.

Hope you're doing ok OP.

I could’ve written this (and did). My LO loved cluster feeding but fell asleep after 10mins only to wake 30 mins later in arms starving, rinse and repeat. Not just in the afternoon but all day.

I couldn’t handle it so we introduced a bottle of formula for hubby to give her at 2 weeks at night so I could get a block of sleep and slowly worked up to fully formula feeding at 12 weeks.

I think it’s best for all of us. She’s happy and not confused by switching between breast and bottle. Hubby and I are more confident as we actually know how much food she’s had and I can read her cues better and know when she’s tired (before I just defaulted to feeding her whenever she cried).

I don’t know how people breastfeed happily for 1-2 years especially when they get teeth and are real bruisers. I don’t find the hassle of bottles a pain at all and still feel so bonded to her.

But I also if I’m honest resent her less because I started to get so stressed about having to constantly feed and felt I was losing myself. Just my tuppence worth x

Also for context I had a fast let down that meant breastfeeding wasn’t an idyllic time for us once she got past 5 weeks. She would often choke and it was so horrible to see her so unsettled. I do miss the easy night feed and last feed before bed but that was selfishly more for me than for her.

She was also quite small so I felt extra guilty for not giving her enough milk particularly as I had tonnes she just couldn’t seem to drink it and no my supply never “regulated” as promised so I ended up really engorged so many times.

For what it is worth - and I say this as someone who’s breastfed two babies for close to a year each - on these threads it is often pointed out that the experience a woman is having “is normal”.

Yes of course it’s normal. Of course cluster feeding and relentless feeding etc is normal.

The question isn’t that though. The question is - it might well be normal, but do you want to go through it? Does your own belief system and set of preferences make you think that this normal experience is making you enjoy your life/be happy etc?

That’s what you need to think about. I don’t think the concern is that all this is abnormal. It isn’t. But is it right for you?

There’s loads of normal things in life I wouldn’t do. So have a think.