To stop breastfeeding

[ohthestruggles]

Posted here for traffic really, this may well be moved to a more relevant topic but I'm getting desperate.

Two week old has been 'cluster feeding' for 6 hours today, he and I are absolutely exhausted. He's getting on and falling asleep I just don't think he has the energy to get what he needs when it goes on for so long. He has slept for 10-20 min spells but thats it. I have given him a formula top up (40ml) and he's gone straight to sleep and is content I feel awful, I've persevered as that's what ever HV and midwife tells you to do but have I gone too far and just made him tired and hungry? Having a serious mum guilt battle of wether to continue this, stress both me and my baby boy out or just give him formula which will ensure he is definitely fed I feel like I've starved him but I've just persevered as I was advised to do and let him 'feed on demand'.

He doesn't have tongue tie and these 6 hour bouts of feeding on and off have been for the last 5 days or so. It's exhausting but I ultimately want what's best for him.

Please be gentle, he's my first baba and I didn't realise how strongly you feel for them and just want the absolute best for them.

And the drive to see your baby full and content is a powerful one, it’s instinct, to make sure they survive. The feeling you get when your baby finally seems content and full and drifts odd to sleep after a feed (and you can finally sleep!) is an amazing one. When you topped off with formula after your nursing sessions you were making sure he was fed and content, that’s exactly what you should be doing as a parent. You made sure he was fed.

I would say tbh the first 8 wks is REALLY hard but...once you get past that it's good. And SO worth it. No worries about having to heat up bottles , taking loads of bottle and formula etc with you when you go out.
Please try and persevere... EBF really is the lazy option -hence why I did it!!

You must do what is best for you. If you can afford it I would recommend reaching out and paying for a private lactation consultancy.

I used one for this pregnancy and she gave me some great advice for getting started. And often the health visitor doesn't always know best.

I stoped on day 7 with this baby as my milk hadn't come in and my baby was constantly cluster feeding and I just couldn't cope. I was recovering from a c-section and feeling guilty for now spending any time with my toddler - baby constantly on my breast.

I did feel guilty but once we got on track with bottles I then had a content baby.

A midwife said to me when I was in tears about stopping that i has given my baby nearly a week of the good stuff (colostrum) and I have an amazing bond with this baby.

Once me moved to bottles I did also start to enjoy my baby as the days and nights did not revolve around feeding either.

So please remember your health is important too.

Do what works for you. It sounds like some of the time it's fine, and you've already been doing some mixed feeding, so formula top-ups seems a good way to go. Then you keep the option to breast feed as well. Mine was a mixed feeder; initially because she was prem (and I was useless at expressing), and then because she wasn't putting on enough weight - we were advised to top-up after every feed, but it turned out that she only really took the top-up a couple of times a day. When she started weaning, we were able to drop the bottles (while friends were trying to persuade theirs to take a bottle!), and it was lovely to have that option.

It won't be as bad as it as at the moment for too long, so hopefully you'll be less daunted by the time harvest kicks in.

Do you have friends/family who might be able to help out a bit during harvest if needed? If there's anyone who is not at work (teenager? teacher?) who you could invite to come round and make lunch for both of you, that might ease things considerably.

You dont need anyone's permission to stop.

But I always found it important to realise that sometimes formula can appear to "settle" a baby literally because they can't digest it as well. It sits in the tummy longer so they have to wait before feeding again.

I learned this when DD was tube fed for a couple of weeks. I knew exactly how much she was getting of my BM because I was pumping it and syringing it into the tube, and she was getting identical volumes/calories to the babies being given formula. I knew just how fast it got digested as they would aspirate her tube and test PH to ensure the tube was still correctly placed in her stomach, and the nurses commented that there was never any breast milk left in her stomach it was digested so fast.

The cluster feeding is incredibly tough. I chose to persevere, I found it helped to only ever commit myself to doing "one more feed" and just taking each day at a time.

Breastfeeding can be tough. I persevered. My little one would fall asleep on the breast and then wake and feed, sleep and feed. My breastfeeding peer supporter suggested just tickling his ear or the palm of his hand to keep him stimulated, so that he’d feed and get to the fattier milk before a sleep. That helped reduce the mammoth feeding sessions. Other than that, I stuck to feeding on demand.

Whatever works for you!

Switched to formula. Don’t regret it.

Carry on! It is SO worth it.

It's physically easier in terms of not needing to prep bottles and lug them around. Plus breast milk is free, monetarily speaking.

Something I didn't know about before was the comfort potential. I can comfort my 10-month-old DD in five seconds with a boob, no matter what is wrong - teething, bumped head, whiny.

I personally think it's ok to top up with formula if you think that's what he needs and it sends him to sleep. Some babies will end up preferring the formula so that's the risk you take (if you see it that way) but your sanity is just as important.

Just put him down for a few minutes when you need to make yourself some food. If you have more than one child often one is crying whilst you deal with the other andvits fine.
Instant food is required I ate a lot of toast, and snacks such as sausage rolls. The cook ready meals are good. I filled up empty squash bottles and left them near the sofa, near the bed so I was always near a drink.
Mine both lost a lot of weight after birth. DD rarely does milk drunk, she’s a dreadful fidgety feeder but is really tubby now and she was skin and bone until about 17 weeks. Ds used be milk drunk after almost every feed and was a really settled calm feeder. All babies are different
I had hoped to Combi feed dd but she stopped taking the neocate milk she was prescribed so that was the end of Combi feeding. I was quite miffed.
I used a dummy with my first but my second wouldn’t have one. There are pros and cons but I wouldn’t have coped with ds without a dummy. He settled happily with it for short periods at least

Yep life’s one long feed
Follow your instincts
X

@EishetChayil

Carry on! It is SO worth it.

It's physically easier in terms of not needing to prep bottles and lug them around. Plus breast milk is free, monetarily speaking.

Something I didn't know about before was the comfort potential. I can comfort my 10-month-old DD in five seconds with a boob, no matter what is wrong - teething, bumped head, whiny.

I don’t think this is a problem, but it can become one in the future. It’s an upside to be able to comfort them easily with the breast, but I have several friends who felt kinda trapped into extended bf when they wanted to stop as they felt like they ‘didn’t know how to parent without a boob’, had lots of problems where nobody else could comfort them, they wouldn’t settle for or go to sleep for their father as he didn’t have the breasts.

Not saying that’s your case, just saying from the perspective of a parent of an older toddler that as they get older it isn’t necessarily a 100% positive thing. If it works for you, ace. More saying this for OP if she takes this into account.

I found the wonderweeks app helpful as it helped me understand why my LO was cluster feeding so much. I remember there being certain "leaps" where he fed almost constantly.

a baby going to sleep immediately after a formula feed doesn't indicate that breastmilk isn't satisfying them. breastmilk and formula are digested in different ways and boob/bottle are different mechanisms of feeding. baby has to work harder at the breast.

what helped me probably the most in the early days was learning to breastfeed lying down. I used to spend hours lying in bed watching stuff on my phone with my baby latched on, feeding and napping on and off. I also spend a lot of time in a comfy chair (my office chair!) downstairs with snacks and drinks and my laptop watching TV. basically just get really comfortable, with everything you need in easy reach, and let him feed as much as he wants. "comfort" suckling is good too as it can trigger more let downs so more milk for him, and the flutter sucking releases higher fat milk towards the end of a feed. it's tough, you're doing fab ❤

also on mixed feeding, I think its Lucy Ruddle IBCLC who has a book on this but also shares various things on Instagram you might find helpful.

It's never unreasonable to choose whether or not you want someone sucking on your boobs, including your own baby. It's also not unreasonable to either stop if it's making you unhappy or to preserver if it's important to you. Whatever you choose will be the right choice for you, so don't give the mum guilt or other people's judgement another though.

Personally I persevered and loved breastfeeding once I got past the first couple of months. I fed DC1 for 2 years and I'm currently 20 months in with DC2.

If you need a break occasional bottles aren't the end of the world, and as long as it's not every day its unlikely to effect your supply. Or if you're comfortable pumping you could give him an easier feed when he seems tired without having to give formal. I wouldn't want to pump all the time (it's a faff) but might help break the to tired to take a feed, to hungry to sleep cycle.

Most likely situation is he getting what he needs anyway, but is just instinct driven to feed to build up your supply. As long as he's producing wet and dirty nappies, you are fine to carry on as you are, and it will improve with time. Until then you could always get your DH to put a pile of grab-able food and some bottles of water next to the bed before he gose out, then you and baby can spend the day cuddling in bed and binge watching Netflix.

I switched to formula but we had problems with her not latching well and just instantly falling asleep on the breast and not gaining enough weight. It was a huge relief to be honest once I accepted we were going full formula. Yanbu if you stop but yanbu if you continue too. Whatever works best for you both :)

What he’s doing is normal newborn behaviour, but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier to cope with.

I tried breast feeding for 3 days and it was the worst 3 exhausting awful days of my life. I couldn’t stand it, I had no support from family (even my Grandma had formula fed in the 50’s) no support from professionals it was awful.

I swapped to FF and never looked back, definitely the right decision for me and my baby.

Don’t worry about it if you just don’t want to deal with the exhaustion.

I'm finding the cuddling in bed binge watching things difficult aswell because I can only stay in that position for so long, my arse is sore from sitting on it! I'm used to being active and I feel completely immobilised if he's comfy, I'm not kind of thing!

I have no advice as regards feeding.
I just wanted to say baby is only 14 days old......sounds like you had a rough start.
Congratulations op I am sure you are doing a great job!!
Also I think its ok to put the baby down while you grab yourself a drink and food. X

Yes, thats an important point to make. If you need a drink, food, the toilet etc then sometimes the baby might have to just cry. I know it's a horrible sound but nothing bad will happen and you need to look after yourself.

Why don'tvyou choose two or three feeds a day that you will feed formula no matter if your baby has been cluster feeding or not? If giving a bottle or two at night means you get a better night's sleep then do it, if you feed 9pm & midnight but then get at least 4 hours unbroken sleep then surely that is a positive decision & if your husband is up early & could give an early morning bottle, then let him. Do whatever is best for you & your mental health as well as for your baby.

You’re at the hardest part.

It will get better.

There won’t be many feeds that long! He is still learning too, his mouth is tiny but as he grows and becomes stronger and has a bigger tum, he will learn to feed faster and more efficiently. Hust take a couple of weeks to watch tv and let him feed constantly while he bulks up. Sounds like he plans to grow fast.

One day when you’re walking through town or on a train and your baby is hungry and you can just pop him on for a few minutes you’ll be so glad you didn’t give up…

If you do choose to do formula, please consider still breastfeeding as well, so that when he is ill you can offer breastmilk. It’s antiseptic and antibiotic and a natural sedative and comforts them like nothing else when they are ill.

@ohthestruggles

I'm finding the cuddling in bed binge watching things difficult aswell because I can only stay in that position for so long, my arse is sore from sitting on it! I'm used to being active and I feel completely immobilised if he's comfy, I'm not kind of thing!

If you can get the hang of it, feeding in a sling might help, but you probably want to wait a few weeks until your more secure with stationery feeding, as there is a knack to it. My second pretty much lived in it for the first 6 months, and could eat, cuddle and sleep while I ran round after my very active toddler.

Thanks everyone, we had a bad night and he woke every 1-2 hours (I think) I've completely lost track of time and days and I'm so irritable today. This is when it's really tough because I feel myself getting really frustrated and he probably senses that on me.

I remember those days... a full day of parenting ahead after a night of terrible sleep. It’s torture. Do whatever you gotta do today to get some sleep.

Mine did this for the first 6 weeks then it settled down and now I love breastfeeding. For me it’s more convenient then formula and I love the bond it brings.
Please reach out to your local breastfeeding support groups, I found mine really helpful when my DS was cluster feeding and having latch troubles.
Please don’t be too hard on yourself, easier said then done I know . But you are doing an amazing job, motherhood is hard. Especially in the early days of your first one.