Sick of being a personal taxi driver for family

[Pheobe2020]

Hi. I just wanted some general advice on how I can get out of giving people lifts in my car ? I probably sound horrible but it’s gotten to a point where people are generally taking advantage. And I do it because it’s family and I feel bad for saying no, but it’s really starting to take up my time.

I’m a full time student with two children , I work as well, and I suffer with depression.

It’s literally ever other day , can you pick me up with my shopping , can you take me shopping , then here then here , to the doctors etc, even tip runs !! I’m literally fed up. I feel like I spend all of my time running around for everyone, I paid for a car to make my life easier and wish I never did. Please someone tell me I’m not a horrible person.

Honestly, I know it's easier said than done but...say no. You don't have to give a reason why, but lie if you want. Tell them you've joined a book club/taken up knitting/taken a second job/joined a circus. Just find a way to tell them you're busy and you can't.

You just need to start saying no, you’re not obligated to keep driving people around

Get rid of the car?

I wish I could but I genuinely need it for work, and uni. 😫 might just say it’s broken every time someone asks.

Get yourself a little speech ready. Short and sweet:

I can't give you a lift, its not convenient.

Or

I've decided to stop giving people lifts. It really adds up time wise and people need to organise their own transport.

If you don't feel you can say an outright no (which you are perfectly entitled to do) then start asking for taxi-level costs for petrol money to put them off.

The only way out of this is to speak your mind, which I know can be hard at times, especially when people have become so used to receiving a favour that they have started to view it as an entitlement.

"No, I am busy with work/study/children, & don't have time'.
"No, I am busy & my car isn't a taxi"
"No, I have given X lifts this week & am not doing any more"

Just remember not to apologise.
You don't have to be rude, just keep it short & don't explain or justify.
FFS if your family members need lifts so frequently, they should learn about taxis, public transport or driving lessons.

Honestly, just say no.

If you don’t feel comfortable saying no, then just say you’re busy, in the middle of writing an essay, having a glass of wine, not feeling great, getting the kids down for a nap. Whatever.

The person(s) asking for lifts aren’t just going to stop. You need to start saying no. And if you need to lie until you are comfortable saying no, then do it.

Tell them there is no petrol in it.

I know where you’re coming from but you need to be firmer and work out what you are willing to do for example I would do doctor/hospital trips and taking them shopping if I needed to go but everything else would be no. You will feel guilty and will probably get kickbacks but you need to stand firm and not back down

That does sound like a lot of pressure ☹️

Thing is - the more accessible and available you are, the more people will expect and come to rely on it.

You need to start being unreliable.

"Can you take me to the shops?" Oh, sorry, the engine light's come on, I need to get a mechanic.

"Can you pick me up?". Oh, sorry, I've got a massive headache and I'm going for a lie down.

"Can you drop me to Doris's?" Oh, sorry, I need to put air in the tyres.

They'll soon get bored if you keep it up long enough.

What did they do before you had a car? Do they give you petrol money?

@VimFuego101

If you don't feel you can say an outright no (which you are perfectly entitled to do) then start asking for taxi-level costs for petrol money to put them off.

Some family members do pay me, others don’t. However it’s more the time I’m taking to do things, plus I hate driving in general. I have things of my own I need to do such as housework, uni work , or just having time for myself without people asking for something because they think I’m free. Ive been driving for two years and it’s literally making my life a misery, they ask me for lifts every week sometimes twice a week for things and can take half a day. I take my grandma shopping and she makes me go around the whole shop, and load her shopping then take it out when we’re home, and then to the doctors and things. She used to get taxi’s and buses before I drove and managed fine. I sound horrid but it’s too much pressure I feel like I have no life anymore , only adding more to my depression 😕

Say it's not convenient for you. Say you can't afford petrol. Say you have an assignment to start/finish. But best to say that you cannot continue to be at everyone's beck and call as you are not a taxi.

@SantiagoSky

Get rid of the car?

That can't be the answer!

"Too busy got a uni deadline"

Perhaps state you can only do once a month for your DGM or something, book it in so she knows to not ask anymore.

@Pheobe2020 - you don't sound awful at all - that pressure is flippin suffocating.

Well done all you're achieving - you sound bloody awesome, by the way x

I would have a strop at the next person that asked and say, ‘Do you know what? I am sick and tired of being used as everyone’s free taxi since I got a car-it’s just not fair and takes the piss!’ and let that news spread across the family.

I wouldn’t agree to do it in the first place, though-I’m horrible

You just need to stop doing it, my sister has a car and I am very rarely in it, I certainly have never asked for a lift somewhere and only go if she’s invited me somewhere. Just stop doing it

[quote DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo]@Pheobe2020 - you don't sound awful at all - that pressure is flippin suffocating.

Well done all you're achieving - you sound bloody awesome, by the way x[/quote]
It really is. I’m glad you can resonate with me ! It didn’t bother me so much at first but two years down the line twice a week asking for lifts here and there it’s killing me off. I feel pressured. ☹️ And thank you so much x

Do they text you?
Just dont look at your phone if you are doing housework/ studying.
Or get caller display and dont answer if they call you.

Who is it who is asking, does anyone else drive. Can gran manage to do the shopping on her own or take a taxi again.

I read somewhere recently that when you put other’s needs first, you put your own needs last. I suggest you think about your priorities and what order they go in - I suspect driving people round will be quite far down the list:

• your own health & wellbeing
• children

-uni work -seeing friends (if good for your mental health)

• own admin/shopping etc

You poor women, of course you are not wrong in not wanting people taking advantage of you.

Tell them No, you are behind in your work and it doesn't suit you.
Stop answering the phone and say NO to texts.

People are such users when they get the chance.

Also tell them you are not feeling well, you are doing to much.

They clearly are selfish, you need to be selfish back.

Well done for achieving so much.

‘Yeah I’ll be there in 10 mins' then don’t answer or acknowledge them for the next 6 hours with a 'oh sorry I forgot'

Let your Grandma know when you are available and stick to it. Any other time 'no sorry you’ll need to get a taxi'