Sick of being a personal taxi driver for family

[Pheobe2020]

Hi. I just wanted some general advice on how I can get out of giving people lifts in my car ? I probably sound horrible but it’s gotten to a point where people are generally taking advantage. And I do it because it’s family and I feel bad for saying no, but it’s really starting to take up my time.

I’m a full time student with two children , I work as well, and I suffer with depression.

It’s literally ever other day , can you pick me up with my shopping , can you take me shopping , then here then here , to the doctors etc, even tip runs !! I’m literally fed up. I feel like I spend all of my time running around for everyone, I paid for a car to make my life easier and wish I never did. Please someone tell me I’m not a horrible person.

OP has resolved the issue

@Pheobe2020 good on you for telling them. Next time any of them text (because they'll assume you were just having a bad day and didn't really mean it) just say no, I've already said I'm not doing it anymore.

Hi op I had this when I didnt work. I ended up saying I was getting nothing done at home. Ferrying people around. You could say you have college work to do. The more you do for people..

You don’t want to upset the people who are upsetting you. Think about how crazy that is. Then say no. They don’t care about your feelings.

@SprayedWithDettol

You don’t want to upset the people who are upsetting you. Think about how crazy that is. Then say no. They don’t care about your feelings.

OP HAS said No 🙄

@Mary46

Hi op I had this when I didnt work. I ended up saying I was getting nothing done at home. Ferrying people around. You could say you have college work to do. The more you do for people..

I’ve told them I’m no longer being everyone’s personal assistant, I said I feel like a lackey, my mum said she can’t see an issue with it and I’m being selfish 🥲

@LawrenceChaney22

I know exactly how you feel except it’s more my partner and his mum, I’ve been driving 7 years and it’s been a constant battle of being a taxi driver and finding it hard to say no! It all gets a bit too much especially when it’s no appreciated.

I find it worse with non drivers as they don’t understand as much as people who do drive. I’ve learned to start saying no as I was getting asked to drive to shops less that a 5 minute walk away, complete piss taking !

It really is. They go shopping and ask in advance if I’ll pick them up with it. Sometimes not offering me a penny, and it’s usually like 6pm when im settling my kids. I’ve just said im not doing it anymore and they basically think im being selfish. Think it’s the other way around really. 🥲

I’ve just said im not doing it anymore and they basically think im being selfish.

😂 the cheek!

You are not selfish. They can learn to drive, book a taxi, take public transport, walk, or ask someone else.

Supermarkets slots have not been full for months now, no one needs a lift to the supermarket anymore.

You're not selfish. If they say you are, ask how it's selfish to put your own children first? Say they are grown adults and can make their own arrangements.

It's not so easy to learn to drive at the moment because of the backlog caused by the pandemic but in a few months' time things should have eased and your sisters should be able to start learning.

As for your grandmother, say you'll take her for a big shop once a month and get another member of the family to help her do it online or accompany her by taxi the rest of the time.

They are showing their true colours. Keep saying no!

Start by saying no to anything under 30 minutes walk.

The cheek of them OP.

Don't pay an ouncevof attention, CF's the lot of them.

Honestly if your mum "can't see an issue with it" then she can do the driving for everyone. She'll soon open her eyes. If they aren't physically disabled to the point where they can't walk to a bus stop they can organise their own transport or delivery. And even if they are (I am) - there's taxis, mobility bus services, and delivery. And don't get sucked down the route of taking money to compensate as that has insurance implications (read your policy - there's no a clause in there about "not for hire"). Good job standing up for yourself- stay firm and be proud of yourself.

You are a grown ass woman with 2 kids it’s time to put your girl pants on and start saying NO. Of course they are asking as u probably say yes most of the time. Shake things up and start doing what works for u.

I’ve told them I’m no longer being everyone’s personal assistant, I said I feel like a lackey, my mum said she can’t see an issue with it and I’m being selfish

Yeah, CF's tend to double-down like this when their people-pleasers finally lose patience.

If she keeps on, tell her how selfish she is not to own a car that she can run you around town in. How selfish she is to interfere with your study time, & expect you to put her requirement for a free taxi service above your work & family life.

And then don't worry one jot about how she reacts.
She''ll get over it.
You just have to buckle up & ride out the "Extinction Burst" behaviour from mum & probably others -
fortestrong.com/extinction-burst-what-is-it-and-how-can-you-use-it-to-your-advantage/

Oh - & beware "Flying Monkeys" as you ride out other people's disappointment that you are no longer their personal doormat -
medium.com/little-red-survivor/whats-a-flying-monkey-be887bd4781b

Stay strong, OP! You are entirely reasonable.

Ic your mum thinks its selfish start asking her to just pop round to pick your kids up from school or hang your washing out 3 times a week. After all, it won't take her long so why would she complain or refuse? Then ask if she can do the same for your gran and other relatives so she's giving up her time to run around doing errands for people who could manage perfectly well without her help. That's what she expects you to do after all.

Of course they think you're selfish. However they are the selfish ones expecting you to be at their beck and call. Ignore the comment from your mum. You've done you bit, already saved them a fortune in taxi fares so you don't owe them a thing now. Ignore any further messages about it.

If its an evening call tell them you’ve had a drink with your tea?

@Backtomyoldname

If its an evening call tell them you’ve had a drink with your tea?

Sod the evening.
Develop a family reputation as a full-on lush, & tell them you've been at the vodka even when they call at 7:30am.

"So sorry! I'm not being selfish, I'm being RESPONSIBLE. What do you mean, alcohol problem? It's not a problem, I love it, I even love it more than driving!"

Your Mum is very selfish

'Sorry, am not available today.'
'No, I can't I'm afraid, I'm not free.'

Etc.

It's hard I know

@SMabbutt

Ic your mum thinks its selfish start asking her to just pop round to pick your kids up from school or hang your washing out 3 times a week. After all, it won't take her long so why would she complain or refuse? Then ask if she can do the same for your gran and other relatives so she's giving up her time to run around doing errands for people who could manage perfectly well without her help. That's what she expects you to do after all.

Great idea.

I have found those that would impose the most are the very ones who would never be imposed upon.

CF's need to be firmly and abruptly treated with the disdain they deserve.

channel your inner Dr. Cox and say no!!

Haven't read the full thread but just say you've been drinking.

Stick to your guns! They have been taking advantage of your good nature and you should tell your mum that if she carries on.

Piss takers!