18 year old contributing to household bills

[Legoandbarefeet]

Evening mumsnetters. I’m interested to hear whether any of you have young adults living at home and if so do they contribute financially.
I’ve an 18 year who helps out with bsbysitting the youngest and works part time now they have finished college. I just wondered whether others in my situation ask for a continuation and if so how much?
For context I am a single parent working full time (NHS) not in receipt of benefits but not well off.
I left home at 16 and was living independently so obviously never contributed.
Thanks in advance

I only lived at home for six months and my DF refused any money so I would get some nice food in or buy him something.

My DS gives me nearly enough to cover groceries but I buy all the takeaways and toiletries etc. Paying a little bit of keep encourages good budgeting. Nothing is free.

@CatsArePeople

I also really detest older siblings being used as childcare but I have my own issues there.

I used to think so in the past, but not anymore. Everyone has certain responsibilities in the family. And it isn't too much to ask of a teenager to watch their younger sibling for an hour or two sometimes. Meaning they can still play their videogames or watch youtube, just keep an eye out that the younger sibling doesn't wreck the house.
Of course I could pay somebody else to do that. But then i will have less money for treats or days out.

Occasionally it’s fine. But not regular like the op is asking and she’s talking like it’s her daughters responsibility to look after her younger sibling, it’s not. And then be asked to pay towards keep on top. It’s too much and taking advantage.

Thanks for the comments

Perhaps some people should re read my original post I was interested to hear from others regarding their set up.
My second post I mentioned possibly the c tax short fall (which would equate to around £10 p/week, admittedly I didn’t give a figure).
There seems to be some individuals who just love to troll people on this site. It’s such a shame. some posters have absolutely understand my situation, I do not want to be in the financial situation I am, I would LOVE to have a second income from a partner and have a lovely 3 bed semi in a nice desirable area. But, the reality is that that is not my situation. I do not want to take money from my children, nor do I want to rekey on them for childcare.
I am fully aware that my child is my responsibility and not my older child’s. Again, I would love to have had a partner who was supportive and living with us in the ideal 3bed semi. However, life does not always work out and unfortunately we just have to get on with things.

For thoose of you who have been understanding, thank you. For thoose of you who have used this to just be nasty FU.

Abs for those asking the younger ones dad is dead.

Apologies for the typo, I’m absolutely exhausted after a 12.5 hour shift which included getting loads of verbal abuse.

….. off to delete mumsnet account and will just hang out at work for further abuse …..

OP you're clearly angry and I agree that you ought to log off.

Sorry you got a hard time. You were only asking.

Given she does so much childcare, no I would not take anything from her. That seems enough by way of contribution. She is contributing more by babysitting than the amount you could reasonably charge.

It’s not trolling when posters are saying something you don’t want to hear.

Nobody has used this just to be nasty, and no-one has given you abuse.

As pp said, disagreeing with you isn't trolling - it is just holding a different opinion from the one you wanted to hear.

I am sorry for your circumstances, but, without knowing them, people can only answer your question, which was I’m interested to hear whether any of you have young adults living at home and if so do they contribute financially .

My 18 year old has just finished school. She has some work lined up over the summer before starting uni this September.

I won't charge her any rent until she is in full-time employment. Also I will still get child benefit until August.

What are your DC's plans? Further education or full-time work? I would probably give them one month's grace when they start work but all depends if you are really struggling.

I read the whole thread, no one was trolling. I'm assuming you don't like people telling you it's wrong to use your older child as a second parent for your younger child. The poor girl is screwing up her job prospects because she is working for you so much, it's not trolling or cruel to point this out.

My eldest (18) is working 25 to 30 hours a week now after finishing highschool last year. 4 months after she started working we've worked out an agreement....we paid $4500 for a car for her, she is now paying $2k of that off at $50 a week (she chose the amount, I just suggested a regular amount) plus 10% of her weekly income as board (so about $100/week.. car figure will be paid off in less than a year). Plus she pays the regular bills for the running of the car and her phone bill. To me its not so much about her needing to contribute (we dont need it) its more about her getting used to paying bills, being accountable and learning to keep up with financial responsibilities to prepare for moving out and being independent. The money is going into a tin to put toward buying her sister a car next year.

I wouldn't charge her anything based on the circumstances.

I'm also a single parent but that's not my child's problem, so I wouldn't make him suffer for it.

In answer to your question of how much to charge 10%

To answer the question you didn’t ask, dd is an adult and can be treated as an adult, no need to infantile her. That debate always comes up with the charging of rent and contributing to the household

Oh come on some people were horrible to OP. She was only asking and loads of people made unpleasant comments

And so many people typed they didn’t need the money themselves so they really do have no clue do they

Family is a team effort, I’m bringing mine up to understand five and take but also responsibility for themselves it’s a balance. No one apart from me asked OP how the DD felt about the babysitting. Not one of you. You all imagined in your own minds how she feels about it

It doesn't really matters what she feels about it. She's doing it, she's a human being, it should be factored in to any discussions about money.

My DS was in college and worked part time - well paid. She put 50% away for uni and enjoyed the rest. No contribution needed but she helped around the house. Now she is in uni and not working she has the means to be independent

@Menora

Oh come on some people were horrible to OP. She was only asking and loads of people made unpleasant comments

They weren't being horrible. They were pointing out that it's quite shocking for her to blame childcare bills on the older sibling.

Yes they told her it was abhorrent. My 18yo DD looks after her half sister (not my child, her dads child) and actually wants to do it. I always tell her that it’s optional but she does. Families help each other. But there is a MN contingent of wealthy young adults out there who have never paid a real bill (as mum is saving up for them) or helped their family out (they not expected to) who are about to be set loose in the world

There are other kids who have had to help more because life is different for them, a lot of people commenting here have the luxury of income and a partner.

It is important to know if the DD minds doing it, if she wants to help her mum or is forced into it and there wasn’t anything in the OP which suggested she’s forcing her daughter into doing it and why it’s so abhorrent. If she is helping to raise her sister - there is a 10 year age gap, it’s inevitable that an older child will help out. Some kids actually have to care for their parents you know, such is life isn’t always a fairytale

@Bryonyshcmyony

It doesn't really matters what she feels about it. She's doing it, she's a human being, it should be factored in to any discussions about money.

I agree with this. If the teen DD is being treated like an adult paying lodger, she should be compensated as any adult would expect to be for the child care.

Can't have it both ways.

OP says the bio father of the younger child is dead. I'm in the US where minor children with deceased parent receive a substantial monthly payout from Social Security. Is there nothing comparable in the UK?

OP, I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. That really wasn’t my intention. I just think it’s unfair on your DD to do so much unpaid childcare AND pay towards bills. I think it should be one or the other.

As you are finding finances tight, have you looked into whether you are entitled to any benefits?

It is important to know if the DD minds doing it, if she wants to help her mum or is forced into it and there wasn’t anything in the OP which suggested she’s forcing her daughter into doing it and why it’s so abhorrent

Noone has suggested it's abhorrent. As an older teen I am sure she wouldn't do it if she didn't want to - that doesn't mean it shouldn't be factored in when deciding to charge rent.

@Bryonyshcmyony

Yes someone did say it was abhorrent. I’m not making it up. Very little constructive support or advice given just drowned out by how awful it is which is why OP was upset. She’s clearly lost her younger child’s father which is really sad. Her teen DD sounds brilliant. It’s scary financially too. She was asking for advice and just got a load of judgment

As an older teen I am sure she wouldn't do it if she didn't want to -

I did it for years because I didn't know how to stop it. I'm autistic and was never able to raise anything with my mother. I simply shut up and put up. I was looking after my sibling more then she did. Needless to say I left home as soon as I could (17 and in a 'wrong' relationship)

I'm not saying it's anywhere close to similar but there will be many other examples of teens doing things they don't want to for their parents, for various reasons.

I never expected anything.