18 year old contributing to household bills

[Legoandbarefeet]

Evening mumsnetters. I’m interested to hear whether any of you have young adults living at home and if so do they contribute financially.
I’ve an 18 year who helps out with bsbysitting the youngest and works part time now they have finished college. I just wondered whether others in my situation ask for a continuation and if so how much?
For context I am a single parent working full time (NHS) not in receipt of benefits but not well off.
I left home at 16 and was living independently so obviously never contributed.
Thanks in advance

@HalzTangz

I charge my daughter 50 a month to pay towards the food she eats, she's working full time, but I rather her save money for a deposit on her first property

Same. We charge both our DC £50 a month just to cover food. They are both working full time but only currently earning minimum wage.

If not planning on being a student and only working part time they should claim UC if only to ensure NI contributions while they are looking for a full time job. I would sit down and go through all household expenses (it will be an education!) and point out how you are worse off with them at home now they are not in education.

Do you pay her for the childcare she is doing for you? If not the. That is really her contribution and quite a big one which is saving you a lot of money. I wouldn’t ask for anymore. You knew what your situation would be when she turned 18.

@Legoandbarefeet

Thank you fir your comments. *@Menora* you seem to absolutely grasp my situation. Her ‘dad’ stopped giving me money when she turned 18 but gave her £20 a week instead (he earns more than I do won’t name the job as might get jumped on as I did by a pp for me mentioning who I work 🙄). My council tax will be up and yes I’ll loose CB. The ‘babysitting’ they do is wrap around childcare. Unfortunately my job means I leave at 06.30 and return at 20.30. I do pay a babysitter some evenings (£30-35 for 3 hours which after tax etc is not far off what I earn) if she is working that evening or has plans. I have an 8 year old who she drops to breakfast club and collects from after school club. She’s on around £9 p/hr and does around 24 hours a week sometimes more. I was just interested to hear from others what they did. Of course I don’t want to take money from her but some weeks if she is working my extra childcare can be £70 a week (on top of breakfast club and ASC £30 p week) which I appreciate doesn’t sound much to some but as a one parent family it does mean there is very little after bills. I was considering asking her to cover the council tax shortfall as a contribution over the summer. She’s not sure of her plans for next academic year maybe further education.

But what will you do when your DD leaves home permanently? Your financial situation sounds precarious but that's not the fault of your DD.

You may need to tot up if your better off with the her being there providing family help through childcare versus the additional cost of more utilities, council tax and food.

I'd hazard a guess that the childcare brings you greater financial benefit. In your shoes I'd ask for council tax top up and food contribution. These are two costs that will reduce when she leaves.

Also what will you do if she decides to leave home or work full time so she can’t do any childcare for you?

My DS is 21 and just finished Uni - although he lived at home throughout. He has had a part time job in a supermarket for about 3 years and earned around £600 per month. He gives us £50 per month but I put it aside and just use it to buy him things. He already owns a flat (which he rents out) so he's on the housing ladder so I don't feel bad taking £50 off him! He's looking to move out in the next couple of months so I think he's in for a bit of a shock 😀

Are you sure you’re not entitled to any benefits to help with childcare costs?

www.entitledto.co.uk/benefits-calculator/Intro/Home?cid=962a7c9c-fefc-482f-bd20-731a28f62de8

Tricky one. I think if it leaves the household in dire straits financially then you can justify asking for a contribution.

Otherwise, something I've been mulling over. My 16 year old was planning to get a job (but now decided to do A levels). He is rather profligate with money and we wondered if we should request a modest contribution and save it for him for when he moves out. Either that or ask him to buy his own food (he's vegan and usually has separate meals from us).

The babysitting is a bit controversial. We pay our 16 year old for looking after youngest (7) for the evening or collecting her from after school club if we are both stuck on commute. My parents used to just tell me I had to babysit my younger sibling if they were going out. There was no option and no payment and often I was forced to cancel my own plans on a Saturday night. I used to seethe with resentment thinking "but she's their child, NOT MINE". I don't think it's just "being part of the family". Children are the parents' responsibility.

On the other hand if I need to nip to Tesco and son is at home and youngest parked in front of TV I do pop out (after checking he is happy) and he doesn't get paid for that. If he wasn't there/couldn't do it I'd just take youngest with me so it's no biggie. She'd rather be watching TV though!

"...Her 'dad' stopped giving me money when she turned 18..."

As a fellow single parent, I would say check yourself on this - it is Not her fault nor her responsibility for what happened between you and her dad.

As PP's have said, she is currently an ally helping you save money with childcare.

She will soon be gone and independent, what will you do then?

Get her up to top up your council tax and contribute toward food and bills but stop using her for babysitting and pay your own childcare.

I've never taken anything off my son so far. However, he's been away at uni, but I never took anything off him when he was home for the summer (despite him taking on a summer job).
If he were to live at home whilst full time working I'd definitely take board off him......not a massive amount though as long as he was saving towards a deposit for his first home.

@Mrgrinch

but some weeks if she is working my extra childcare can be £70 a week

This sounds like you're blaming your childcare costs on her?! It's quite the opposite, she's saving you thousands by doing the wraparound care. With this in mind I think YABU to expect money from her when you're already benefitting financially from her help.

If I were her and I had to pay I'd probably up my hours at work and be unavailable for childcare to accommodate the living costs.

Absolutely this. You should be grateful for reliable wrap around childcare- how else would you work otherwise. It’s not your DC responsibility - where is the DF of second child and don’t you get CM?

I think all of us with 18 year olds know that child benefit is about to stop (July? August?) so you need to plan for that.

If you are really struggling financially then it's probably not that unreasonable to ask for a contribution if she is earning a lot, but really the father should be paying adequate maintenance, it's not for your dd to subsidise her siblings because their dad is irresponsible.

And I've never thought it was fair for older siblings to be told to babysit younger kids. It's the parents' choice to have more than one child.

@Bluntness100

Personally I’d see her child care as the contribution she’s saving you a shit ton of money, if you charge her she needs to charge you for child care and trust me, her bill will be bigger.

I also don’t like the way you write when she’s working you have to pay extra for child care. It smacks of entitlement to her time in your tone.

Your child is your responsibility not hers, and if she’s helping you out and doing child care then be grateful and see that as her financial contribution. Or pay her for her time.

I don’t often agree with Bluntness but 100% on this one.

If she were to get a FT job and she start “paying her way” you’d be a lot worse off having to pay out for regular childcare, and it must be very difficult for her to have any sort of normal 18 year old social life if she is looking after your child until 830pm on an evening.

You either need to charge her for her living expenses but fund your own childcare or understand she is helping you out a lot financially and you’d be worse off without her help.

For those people who are lower income, when their kids leave home you have to downsize your home. DD has her own bedroom and if I can’t afford it then I would have to move. But then also I would not be paying for someone else’s food bills etc.

I don't think you can expect her to fill in your childcare 'voids' so regularly and also charge her board and lodgings. One or the other, I'd say. And she's probably saving you more with the free babysitting than you'd gain with charging her.

DD-19 has just got a full time job and doesn't want to go to uni (at least not straightaway. Once her training period finished, I will charge her £50/week for rent and food. I will continue to cover her phone until she's due an upgrade. I will save it for her though. I think she will need to get used to parting with her earned money to pay bills but I don't really need the money and it will come in handy for her in the future.

I can appreciate it’s really scary financially this point in time. You try to prepare for it but it’s often the way that earning more costs more, especially in childcare costs. Supporting another adult is really hard work and I am sometimes unsure whether people who have paid off their mortgages or married with 2 incomes really get it. I am not sure you will get the answers you want here, not all kids go to uni, or can afford to save for houses and many families struggle to make ends meet, the parenting competition can make you feel really bad about yourself when you can’t provide what others can. We are all doing our best with the resources we have.

It’s worth seeing whether you do qualify for childcare costs, or even change your hours somehow. Sit down with your DD and get a feel of what is going to work best. She might want to stop the childcare and work more, but then might be able to help more

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

I don't think you can expect her to fill in your childcare 'voids' so regularly and also charge her board and lodgings. One or the other, I'd say. And she's probably saving you more with the free babysitting than you'd gain with charging her.

Agree, it’s just taking too much from her.

You also need to make it clear to her she is free to work full time and you know your other child is your responsibility. At that stage you can charge her. But not now. It’s not right.

Sorry I can’t work out if you pay your 18 year old for the childcare?

If she works 24hours a week and does wrap around childcare 3-4 times a week, that’s basically a full time job already. When you said babysitting I thought you meant a few hours a week not full wrap around childcare including meals, getting ready for school/bed etc.

Also, I think I'd be really resentful as a sixteen-year-old if I was expected to contribute so much in the way of childcare and rent. You are kind of expecting from her what you should expect from the father of your children.

I know that not everyone lives in the same circumstances but even so, it's not your eldest's fault that you are not well off.

And really sorry to hear about the previous poster who was left hungry because the parents took all their pay but expected them to magic money out of thin air for food.

the child isn’t 16 and yes this is what some fathers do, they leave the mothers to bring up their kids alone with little support

I don't understand the saving it for them thing. Either you use the money for bills and food or you don't need it. Let them do their own saving.

@Bryonyshcmyony

I don't understand the saving it for them thing. Either you use the money for bills and food or you don't need it. Let them do their own saving.

This is my approach. I don't take anything from my teens. I'm not high income either but we manage through the weeks.

People often cite they take money and give it back when the DC needs a deposit for a house under the guise of teaching independence. There is literally nothing independent about having your mum take care of your piggy bank!